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Suzanne
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 Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 11:27 pm Post subject: Flowers for the Wake |
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I'm hoping to enter this into my high school's theater troupe to get it produced, so any and all comments are welcome! The italics are absent because I'm too lazy to add BBcode. :p as another note, I left out as much stage direction as I tried (I love stage direction!) but so much of it is unnecessary and rude to the actors and directors, so I wrote it for stage use, and slightly (only slightly) less for readers enjoyment.
FLOWERS FOR THE WAKE
Characters:
SAMANTHA is twenty-four. Youngest daughter of the deceased. She is wearing blue jeans and a dark T-shirt.
REBECCAH is twenty-six. The middle daughter of the deceased. She is wearing the appropriate funeral attire: a black dress.
CATHARINE is thirty. She is the oldest and last daughter of the deceased. She is wearing a blue dress, too dark to be happy, too bright to be for a funeral.
Time:
Early morning.
Setting:
A wake at a funeral parlor.
(The room is empty except for CATHARINE and REBECCAH who are standing near the open coffin. On a small table near the coffin is an empty flower vase. Both girls hold flowers in their hands.)
CATHARINE: (While dropping her flower into the vase) This is how Momma asked for it. She wanted everyone who showed up to put flowers in the vase, because everyone she knew was like a flower to her.
REBECCAH: (Drops her flower in.) Was it in Momma’s will? I thought she hadn’t left one.
CATHARINE: Her will? (Pauses to look at the body) She left one. And can you believe? She left everything to Samantha.
REBECCAH: You’re kidding? (Looks at body, as if it would respond to the comments made.) Momma knew Samantha hated her, didn’t she?
CATHARINE: Of course she did. I told the lawyer that she was crazy when she wrote it. You know she meant to leave all the money to us? We were there when she was sick and dying and couldn’t even walk—where was Samantha? God knows where. And Momma leaves her all her money so she can waste it? No, I couldn’t let that happen.
REBBECAH: But Momma wasn’t crazy.
CATHARINE: No. (looks seriously at her sister) You cannot tell anyone that. Go with the story, will you? Momma was crazy when she wrote the will and there is no way she would ever leave her money to Samantha. She was going to leave it to us, in fact I’m getting the lawyer to change it tomorrow and then we’ll have all of mom’s money. Finally, we don’t have to wait around for money.
REBBECAH: You’re horrible, Catharine. (laughs)
CATHARINE: I doubt Samantha will even come to the funeral! Did you send her a notice?
REBECCAH: Of course.
CATHARINE: Oh, but she wouldn’t come. Why would she? Thankfully I got to the lawyer before he found her and got to talk to her, otherwise we would—
REBECCAH: Sh! someone is coming in!
(Enter SAMANTHA. She is holding her flower.)
CATHARINE: By God, she showed up… (Starts to cry) Rebeccah, why did Momma have to die? She was doing so well, too! I really thought she would live until she was one hundred and twenty.
SAMANTHA: (puts her flower carefully into the vase) I’m glad she died.
REBECCAH: How can you say that, Samantha? It’s good to finally see you after… how many years? But… Momma is dead.
SAMANTHA: I’ve only been gone six years. Isn’t that long if you consider how long Momma was living for.
CATHARINE: Why did you come if you were just going to spit on Momma’s face?
SAMANTHA: (thoughtful) I wanted to be sure she was dead. You don’t know with people like her.(turns to Catharine) Did you get all her money like you wanted?
CATHARINE: Pardon? Young lady, listen up! Just because you hated Momma and you thought she treated you so horribly does not mean the rest of us thought the same! I loved Momma and she loved me! I don’t care what she left me, she could have left me nothing and I would have been happy! (suddenly starts crying again.) I just… I just wish I could have Momma back.
REBECCAH: I think we all do… Don’t you, Samantha? I do. I miss Momma. The house is lonely without having someone around to cook with.
SAMANTHA: Momma couldn’t cook. She just lied in bed all day and complained about her back and her feet and told us to do this or that. The only reason you know how to cook, Rebeccah, is because if you hadn’t Momma would have starved to death.
REBECCAH: Why do you have to be so disrespectful of Momma?
CATHARINE: She’s dead. Leave her alone already!
SAMANTHA: Catharine, you hypocrite. I know what you thought of Momma. You say you love her and you miss her, but you only loved the money Momma gave you—I bet you would have killed her yourself if there was enough money in it.
CATHARINE: You! (slaps Samantha) Take that back!
(The two look as though they might throw punches at each other any minute, until REBECCAH stands between the two.)
REBECCAH: I can’t believe either of you! Stop it, the both of you! Momma is dead, it doesn’t matter about the money or who really loved her or not. She’s dead now and nothing is going to change about that.
CATHARINE: You’re a horrible person, Samantha.
REBECCAH: Stop, Catharine!
SAMANTHA: Only as horrible as you.
REBECCAH: Knock it off!
(For a few moments, the girls are quiet. CATHARINE and SAMANTHA are staring each other down, while REBECCAH is watching the body and trying to calm herself down.)
REBECCAH: There is no reason to be fighting. Momma is looking down from heaven and thinking you’re both fools.
CATHARINE: Maybe we should just leave? Give Samantha some time to think about Momma on her own.
SAMANTHA: I think I would like that.
(CATHARINE leaves)
REBECCAH: (goes to hug SAMANTHA, then stops) If you need me, if you need someone to talk to, we’ll just be out in the lobby waiting. You can come get me, alright?
SAMANTHA: Thanks, but I won’t need it.
(Hesitantly, REBECCAH also leaves)
SAMANTHA: (she watches the body) Momma, I miss you too. I…I miss you a whole lot. I can’t believe you’re gone. (looks away from the body) Uck, you look so ugly (laughs) or did you always look like that? No, all that makeup they put on you makes you look fat. Did you tell them you hate lipstick? I see they put it on you (goes to wipe it off with her sleeve, then jumps back) Oh, I shouldn’t touch you, should I? That’s not proper… Momma, why did you have to die? I never got to tell you… I loved you, you know that? A whole lot. The only reason I did all of that stuff—run away, say those mean things to you and Catharine—you never loved me. You loved Catharine and Rebeccah. I don’t think Catharine loved you… maybe she did. It’s not my place to say, is it? But, I know I loved you. I wish I could have told you that. (cries loudly now) Why couldn’t I get up the nerve to come tell you what I thought? I know you would have just hugged me… and…
(REBECCAH walks in)
REBECCAH: Samantha, you alright?
SAMANTHA: Yeah, just… looking at Momma.
REBECCAH: I could hear you crying.
SAMANTHA: Me, crying? Yeah right. Over Momma? You know what I think
of Momma.
REBECCAH: Would you be mad if I told you I heard everything you said, too?
SAMANTHA: Did Catharine hear anything?
REBECCAH: Catharine is in the bathroom trying to find which color lip stick makes her look like she is in mourning.
SAMANTHA: (after a moment) She really is dead. I was sure it was just a joke to get me down here, but then I saw the funeral parlor date and…I had to come.
REBECCAH: Momma would be glad to see you here. You know, Samantha… No, never mind.
SAMANTHA: (moved towards the table with the flowers) Why did Momma want flowers for her wake? There aren’t many people who would come to it. All her friends are dead.
REBECCAH: It was Catharine’s idea. Momma thought it would be beautiful but I think she envisioned more than three flowers.
SAMANTHA: (arranges the flowers) They look lonely, and as hard as I try I can’t get them to sit in a way that make them look together. They just look like three flowers sitting all by themselves.
REBECCAH: Before Momma died, she talked to me.
SAMANTHA: (looks at REBECCAH suddenly)About what?
REBECCAH: She talked about everything. But she talked about you for a long while. She told me… She said she always loved you and never hated you for any of the things you did. It made you different—better, even—than Catharine or me. In fact, as much as Catharine took care of her, secretly Momma would tell me that Catharine got on her nerves. Too uptight and finicky all the time. You were so care free and yourself. She was glad you ran away. She said you couldn’t become your best unless you were on your own.
SAMANTHA: Momma said all that? … Honestly, Rebeccah?
REBECCAH: Cross my heart, hope to die. Told me to tell you all of it, if she
happened to pass before you came home again. I guess Momma knew she was going to go. She told me the night before…before she died.
SAMANTHA: I never expected that from Momma.
REBECCAH: There is something else, too. But I … I don’t know if I should tell you.
SAMANTHA: Would you, please? I feel bad for not seeing Momma when I could. I’d like to hear everything.
REBECCAH: It might make you hate Catharine a whole lot.
SAMANTHA: I already do. You know that.
REBECCAH: Even more.
SAMANTHA: I think I’d like to hear it, then.
REBECCAH: Well… It’s a really long story. Why don’t we get away from Momma, so we don’t wear her out? Have you had breakfast yet? I’ll tell you while we go eat, then.
SAMANTHA: What about Catharine?
REBECCAH: We can leave her to her mourning-red lip stick.
(The two exit together)
END |
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Last edited by Suzanne on Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:48 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Kit
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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There are some very strong lines in here that work well dramatically. The lipstick and the flowers are evocative, I'd be interested to see the staging of this, I think in the blocking and workshopping it will evolve a little.
"She said you couldn’t become your best unless you were on your own."
Good line. Strangely enough, I got "our Town" and some Mamet plays in my head for reading this, perhaps because you used the one piece of action to tell everything you say as Mamet doesn't frame, and yet something a little about the distance and how the foundations of a family can rot with age, the poignancy of that, kind of reminded me of how the last act of Our Town kind of crushes your ribs.
Anyway, good work, keep playing with plays, it suits you. |
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| Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:02 am Post subject: |
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| CATHARINE: Of course she did, but Momma was crazy. |
I think the "but Momma was crazy" is unnecessary. Later in that bit of dialogue, the part "So the lawyer thinks Momma was crazy" seems randomly added to the end.
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| I really thought she would live until she was one hundred and twenty. |
Seems like a random age.
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SAMANTHA: (thoughtful) I wanted to be sure she was dead. You don’t know with people like her. Sometimes they die but they keep on living anyway—they get back up and continue, or sometimes they live in other people. (turns to Catharine) Did you get all her money like you wanted?
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The part in bold seemed awkward to me, like it was expanding on the obvious, and the part in italics seemed almost sappy [but I'm bad with sap, so maybe not].
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The only reason you know how to cook, Rebeccah, is because she if you hadn’t Momma would have starved to death. |
whoops, typo
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CATHARINE: She’s dead. Stop spitting on her grave!
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You already discussed the image of spitting on Momma's grave.
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| REBECCAH: I can’t believe either of you! Stop it, the both of you! Momma is dead, it doesn’t matter about the money or who really loved her or not. She’s dead now and nothing is going to change about that. |
I can't tell how she's saying this line; but maybe those are the sparse stage directions you talked about?
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| The only reason I did all of that stuff—run away, say those mean things to you and Catharine—you never loved me. |
I thought the part between the ~hyphens was awkward, and only for the audience's benefit. While the information is important, I think it could have been better integrated, maybe an accusatory exclamation from Catherine? Additionally, Samantha's thoughts on Rebeccah's love for the mother is never mused upon.
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| Like a family of flowers, you know? |
I don't like this sentence, I think it seems too contrived. Most sentences in Rebeccah's following monologue begin with "She said" and while this can be effective at evoking the memory, I think it continues a little too long.
Is there going to be a second part? It seemed to climax that there was a huge secret to be told, and then it ends... if there isn't a second part, then maybe there shouldn't be so much building up to their talk over breakfast?
Most of all, I liked the characters. I like how each of them are easily distinguished from the others, maybe not necessarily in the beginning, but definitely as the story progressed. I also like how there weren't unnecessary people in the cast, just the sisters. In general, I think you should reveal the fact that their mother wasn't crazy a little more gradually, instead of giving everyones' motivations right at the beginning.
PM me if you have any questions and good luck!
-Amelia |
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Suzanne
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| Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:16 am Post subject: |
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| Is there going to be a second part? It seemed to climax that there was a huge secret to be told, and then it ends... if there isn't a second part, then maybe there shouldn't be so much building up to their talk over breakfast? |
No second part! I suppose my work at irony wasn't so well? The "big secret" is the fact that Catharine has lied about the will, and has stuck her dirty hands around so that Samantha cannot have the money. The reason I mentioned "Momma" as being crazy so early, was to lead into what Catharine had done and give me room to later have the irony. Though Samantha thinks her mother doesn't love her, she really did, more than the others. Perhaps it didn't work the way I wanted it to. -_-
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"Like a family of flowers, you know?"
I don't like this sentence, I think it seems too contrived. |
Eh--my shot at symbolism? Perhaps that didn't work, either? EDIT: After looking up the definition of contrived, now I'm just confused if it is a compliment or no XD I should pay more attention to things....
Anyhow, thanks, both of you! Reader in put is awesome 
I could lengthen the play to continue it, but I'm trying to stay under the time rather than having to go back and hack things out. Also, I'm stubborn. ^_~ I imagined it like so, and so... I'll try as hard as possible to leave it like so. |
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| Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:28 am Post subject: |
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| The "big secret" is the fact that Catharine has lied about the will, and has stuck her dirty hands around so that Samantha cannot have the money. |
Ah, I see. I might just not have been reading carefully enough ^_^
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| The reason I mentioned "Momma" as being crazy so early, was to lead into what Catharine had done and give me room to later have the irony. Though Samantha thinks her mother doesn't love her, she really did, more than the others. Perhaps it didn't work the way I wanted it to. -_- |
It wasn't the mentioning of the mother being crazy, it was the negation of her mother's craziness. Catherine to me seemed too obvious in reminding Rebeccah that the mother really wasn't crazy, when Rebeccah should already know this. I did get the part about Samantha, I thought that was nice.
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Eh--my shot at symbolism? Perhaps that didn't work, either?
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I think this line almost explains it too much. I think that the dialogue around this quote is enough to give it the symbolism. |
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| Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:48 am Post subject: |
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Edit!
Again, thank you. |
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| Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 4:09 am Post subject: |
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| Just wanted to make a note saying I'd read this. I'll come back and give you my full comments this weekend when I have time. This thing just oozes potential. You already have a lot of great stuff here. |
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| Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 11:44 am Post subject: |
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Hello sharky! I love this play and I can assure you that the theatre troup will be delighted. The dialogue flowed well, your characters are dramatic and believable and the flower symbolism is brilliant. I'd extend on that a little more though. Why not, when Rebeccah is arranging the flowers, have two of them fall to one side and leave the other on its own at the opoosite side. I can understand you wanting to leave the stage directions open but trust me, everyone likes a little foreboding and symbolism.
I think Catharine's character needs a little work. Perhaps try to make her more subtle. You'd be amazed at how much information an actor can get across just by saying a perfectly harmless line in a certain manner. That's one reason you shouldn't limit your stage directions so much. You don't want Catharine to be too open to Rebeccah but the way she says certain words could reveal her true intent. Like when she says momma was crazy. Also, the lipstick was a great idea!
You say you'd like some feedback on the plot and to be honest, all I can think of is that it's very good. Your use of irony was clever and I like that you didn't really mention how she died so the reader might even take it that Catharine was the cause of her death.
And finally, here are a few suggestions on layout and such -
CATHARINE: You! (slaps Samantha) Take that back!
(The two look as though they might throw punches at each other any minute, until REBECCAH stands between the two.) [You need to be consistent. You don't tend to start a new line for your stage directions so don't do so here.]
REBECCAH: I can’t believe either of you! Stop it, the both of you! Momma is dead, it doesn’t matter about the money or who really loved her or not. She’s dead now and nothing is going to change about that.
CATHARINE: You’re a horrible person, Samantha. [Again, probably a typo but there should be a space between the two characters' pieces of dialogue.]
REBECCAH: Knock it off!
(For a few moments, the girls are quiet. CATHARINE and SAMANTHA are staring each other down, while REBECCAH is watching the body and trying to calm herself down.) [No new line for stage directions.]
REBECCAH: Cross my heart, hope to die. [Perhaps this should be 'Cross my heart and hope to die']
Hope some of this helps. From your ex drama student,
Rocky xx |
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| Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:13 pm Post subject: Re: Flowers for the Wake |
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Gutan tag, mein Morgenstern - and a crit for you, because I happened to come across this on the front page and I remember you telling me about the drama club ("Theater troupe!"). ... hey, at least it doesn't involve rape or torture or suicide or Nazis or the death machine or... well, I'll stop there. I like Todesmaschine too much to tease you about it. ^_^'
In any event! On to the crit.
Overall, I think you've captured the atmosphere and mood very well; you do have some very strong lines here that bring the drama to the surface of the piece superbly. You've always been good with dialogue, Till, and I think that's the reason scripts work out so well for you: the voices drive the narrative, and here each character has a distinct voice. Of your three main characters, I have to disagree with Kitty here and say that Catherine was the best. Her actions, her dialogue, even her name which is reminiscent of vageuly callous origins (etymology possibly derived from the Greek hekateros, possibly related to aikia, or "torture") the impression of her that the reader gets throughout the conversation: they all add up and let the reader imagine her as she would appear beyond this day, beyond this funeral. Stern and hard. I've known women that might have passed as her carbon copy.
The dynamic between Samantha and Rebeccah (yippee, a good character ^~) is also very well presented. The relationship between sisters always seems to be a tricky one, and with three of them, there's always bound to be one alliance and one left out. The fact that Rebeccah an Samantha stick together at the end is a nice touch, I think, illustrating that.
What you want to watch for is the possibility of info-dumbing in the opening conversation that Rebeccah has with Catherine - it feels like too much, too unreal. If they're at the wake, Momma would have been dead for at least a day, two days maybe. By that time, lawyers would have been on it, breaking open a will (if will there was), informing all of the daughters... it seems highly unlikely that Rebeccah would be so uninformed so as to fall for Catherine's tricks.
My favorite bit of this was Samantha's monologue at the coffin. It's so real, so emotive. Heart-breaking, really, and I could real feel this daughter's pain - odd that she was the 'bad daughter' and still seems to be the one who feels the loss most acutely.
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| SAMANTHA: Me, crying? Yeah right. Over Momma? You know what I think of Momma. |
Have her wiping her face, perhaps, or fumbling for a Kleenex, something to highlight what a bad lie that is.
--
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| No second part! I suppose my work at irony wasn't so well? The "big secret" is the fact that Catharine has lied about the will, and has stuck her dirty hands around so that Samantha cannot have the money. The reason I mentioned "Momma" as being crazy so early, was to lead into what Catharine had done and give me room to later have the irony. Though Samantha thinks her mother doesn't love her, she really did, more than the others. Perhaps it didn't work the way I wanted it to. -_- |
You might have to clarify that irony a bit more; it doesn't quite hit the right note. The ending felt to abrupt, and left me wondering Well? What's the secret? So - some clarification would be good, as far as tha aspect is concerned.
But beyond that, it's a very well-done script, Till, and I most certainly enjoyed reading it. ^_^' (You'll knock the snobbish "theater troupe" guy right over). |
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| Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 3:31 am Post subject: |
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I enjoyed it very much. It took me a while to see Rebeccah as the sort of neutral party. Hse kinda seemed to flow between whoever was closest. She didn't seem stable to me.
Samantha was a very interesting character, hiding her true self from Catherine. Is there anymore to it? I think it could win the contest, good luck! |
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| Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 1:17 am Post subject: |
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Hehehe, you know I love you. 
The dialogue between the girls sounds exactly like that -- dialogue between girls. I don't see them as being women, which is kind of bad. I suppose the reason for this is because they use talk like girls. They use the same slang that I would use, and while adults do talk like us, to some extent, they have different words that they use and styles of talking. So yeah. Also, the oldest one is thirty, so the mom should technically be about fifty or sixty, which is a relatively young age to die, nowadays. So I want to know why she dies. At first, I thought Catherine had killed her. XD
And the climax wasn't dramatic enough. I know that you wanted to end on a dramatic note and make your audience think, but the only way you're going to make them think about it is to make an emotional connection. You've ALMOST got it, but not quite. So yeah.
Although! I gotta admit, I want to see your group of high schoolers perform this. XD |
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Suzanne
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| Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 1:23 am Post subject: |
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Thank Snoink!
Yeah... a lot of this is almost tailored for a high schooler to play--which may or may not be bad, but either way I need to go back sometime soon and clean this up, so I can send it in to the teacher-person...
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| At first, I thought Catherine had killed her. |
heheh, I'm glad you thought that! I didn't directly say it, and it isn't what happened, but I kind of wanted my reader (viewer?) to really dislike and come to suspect her. So, woohoo!
Many thanks to all. |
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| Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:20 am Post subject: |
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I liked it. Is it going to be produced? It could look really good.
You never explained why the mother spent all her time telling them what to do and complaining, or was that exagurattion? And why did she leave everything to Samantha? Why not leave something to her other daughters too?
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| This is how Momma asked for it. She wanted everyone who showed up to put flowers in the vase, because everyone she knew was like a flower to her. |
This is just explaining. You should have weaved it in, or at least had a line before it with Reveccah asking why they were putting a flower in a vase.
Is it legal to change somebodies will? I don't think it is, the money should have all gone to Samantha anyway, I don't think there was anythign Catherine could do about it. Or maybe it's different in Australia.
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| She was glad you ran away. She said you couldn't become your best unless you were on your own. |
This was a nice line. It shouws that the mother did care about her daughter and wanted her to become the best that she could.
Overall, I really liked the script. |
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Kyte
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| Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:24 pm Post subject: |
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I don't write scripts (except I just started "Unity") so I can't critique. But it was well done. Again, the flowers were a nice touch.
Oh, if you can, tell us more about Mama's illness. She was old and frail? Died of cancer? |
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Cade
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| Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 3:54 am Post subject: |
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CATHARINE: (While dropping her flower into the vase) This is how Momma asked for it. She wanted everyone who showed up to put flowers in the vase, because everyone she knew was like a flower to her.
REBECCAH: (Drops her flower in.) Was it in Momma’s will? I thought she hadn’t left one.
CATHARINE: Her will? (Pauses to look at the body) She left one. And can you believe? She left everything to Samantha. |
This surprised me a bit. Catharine changes quite a bit between her first line and her second. As she opens the scene, she seems very dreamy and sort of distant..."Ooh la la, flowers and cliches, sigh." In her second line, she is caustic, hurt. I like that better.
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REBECCAH: You’re kidding? (Looks at body, as if it would respond to the comments made.) Momma knew Samantha hated her, didn’t she?
CATHARINE: Of course she did. I told the lawyer that she was crazy when she wrote it. You know she meant to leave all the money to us? We were there when she was sick and dying and couldn’t even walk—where was Samantha? God knows where. And Momma leaves her all her money so she can waste it? No, I couldn’t let that happen. |
This doesn't seem like the kind of conversation two sisters would be having over their mother's dead body. Perhaps:
REBECCAH: Samantha hated Momma. (Looks at body, as if it would respond to the comments made.)
CATHARINE: I don't know why she did it...we were there while she was dying and couldn't even walk. God knows where Samantha was.
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CATHARINE: No. (looks seriously at her sister) You cannot tell anyone that. Go with the story, will you? Momma was crazy when she wrote the will and there is no way she would ever leave her money to Samantha. She was going to leave it to us, in fact I’m getting the lawyer to change it tomorrow and then we’ll have all of mom’s money. Finally, we don’t have to wait around for money.
REBBECAH: You’re horrible, Catharine. (laughs) |
Previous to this statement, Rebeccah seems like she cares about her mother a little more than to laugh at her sister's crude comment. Catharine, however, gets more evil by the second, and I like it.
Catharine's speech isn't entirely realistic. Try something more along the lines of:
No. (looks seriously at her sister) But you can't tell anyone. Momma was crazy when she wrote the will, that's what you have to say. She was going to leave it all to us...I’m getting the lawyer to change it tomorrow. We'll have the money then.
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| CATHARINE: I doubt Samantha will even come to the funeral! Did you send her a notice? |
Same problems with realistic dialogue here. Try:
I doubt she'll even come. Did you send her a notice?
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| CATHARINE: By God, she showed up… (Starts to cry) Rebeccah, why did Momma have to die? She was doing so well, too! I really thought she would live until she was one hundred and twenty. |
I'm guessing this is an act to make Samantha feel bad? It does an excellent job of sounding fake, if that's the case.
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| REBECCAH: How can you say that, Samantha? It’s good to finally see you after… how many years? But… Momma is dead. |
Nix the last two sentences; I don't feel that a "real" person would continue after the first one, but rather stand, open-mouthed, waiting for a reply.
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| SAMANTHA: (thoughtful) I wanted to be sure she was dead. You don’t know with people like her.(turns to Catharine) Did you get all her money like you wanted? |
Excellent. This really shows that Samantha isn't that bad after all, and she's not afraid to call Catherine out on her corrupt take on the mother's death. It creates an interesting comparison of S and C's views--after all, they are both negative, but in very different ways. It makes the reader...err, audience...have to think about which is better.
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| CATHARINE: Pardon? Young lady, listen up! Just because you hated Momma and you thought she treated you so horribly does not mean the rest of us thought the same! I loved Momma and she loved me! I don’t care what she left me, she could have left me nothing and I would have been happy! (suddenly starts crying again.) I just… I just wish I could have Momma back. |
Now I'm not sure if it's an act or not...it might be difficult to interpret, especially in high school theatre. I'm still guessing that Catharine is putting on this act to make herself look better in comparison to Samantha, and maybe because she really feels guilty about saying all those things about the money in front of the body.
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| REBECCAH: Catharine is in the bathroom trying to find which color lip stick makes her look like she is in mourning. |
Best line ever!
The end, as in, the last dozen or so exchanges between Samantha and Rebeccah, drags on. I think if I were watching this being performed onstage, I would be a little bored, sort of ready for it to wrap up already.
Overall, excellent job. It manages to be very serious but interesting at the same time, which is difficult to achieve for a high-school audience.
Having the body onstage the entire time is a really fantastic part of this script. It adds a lot of weight to the whole thing, if you know what I mean. It enables Rebeccah, for example, to repeatedly look back at the body, emphasizing her fear of the dead.
You don't mention where on the stage the coffin is actually positioned...this leaves interpretation open to the director, and where the coffin is actually placed could definitely affect the audience's interpretation of it. If you're going to give any details, give details about where each girl is in relation to the coffin every so often.
Super-duper, Suz. I just wish I could see it performed! (Tell us if anyone records it and puts it on YouTube, 'kay? They do that a lot at my school.)
-Colly |
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