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This thread was created on September 5, 2007
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Topic ID: 19607
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dommy65
Senior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 18 May 2008
Posts: 125
Reviews: 52
Country: USA
313 Points
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 Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:16 pm Post subject: |
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Hey,
First thing I liked the first half a lot, the second didn't do it for me. I liked the reaction from the older sister but your m.c and the mother didn't seem affected by it all that much... I don't know, maybe I missed something. There were just a couple of capitalization issues but overall there was great grammar.
I'm sure if you work on it it will be amazing!
~domenique |
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olivia1987uk
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 20
Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 180
Reviews: 118
2553 Points
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| Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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As you already have loads of reviews on this, obviously because it is so readable and likeable, so I will just make a breif comment on this particular chapter...I like your characterisation though craved more detail emotionall from the two sisters...It would just add more depth...otherwise though, pretty flawless as far as I'm concerned
I don't agree about the mother and older sister not being affected by it much....surely this is more toprotect the younger child from worrying about their heartache on top of her own....I know thats how family works at least |
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Olivia
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| This thread was created on September 5, 2007 |
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