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This thread was created on August 17, 2007
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Tamia's quest part I and II
tamia's quest part III
Tamia's quest IV
Tamia's quest V
Tamia's quest VI
Tamia's quest VII
Tamia's quest VIII
Tamia's quest IX
Tamia's quest X
Tamia's quest XI
Tamia's quest XII
Tamia's quest XIII
Tamia's quest, chapter one
Tamia's quest

Tamia's quest XIV

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Nutty   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 12:01 pm    Post subject: Tamia's quest XIV Reply with quote

"Sir, he will not talk."

"He will. Try harder."

"He is near death as he is..."

"Then feed him. It can't be too hard to keep him alive, can it? Now, begone! I weary of your prattle."

"Very well, sir."

----------------------------------

Tamia sat down heavily. The events at the bar twisted in her mind.

I was caught off guard so easily. It cannot happen again. She stared into the fire that Elyn was nursing over like a broody hen.

They were just out of sight of the town, sheltering in a widening of the path. Trees bent over them on either side, covering them from the dimming sky above.

Elyn glanced at the prone body of Amasye, now bound tight with sturdy rope. Something about this guy made him nervous, apart from the fact he had been threatening Tamia an hour before, and seemed to have been sent by someone.

He's just not natural.

Elyn knew this, deep within himself. This creature was not right. Maybe should not exist. But Elyn couldn't place what made him think this.

There are stranger looking creatures, after all.

"Tamia..." Elyn looked up into his companion's face. It was cold, emotionless. But that wasn't unusual for someone of her blood.

"What?" Her voice was flat.

I wish she wasn't so hard to read.

"What are we going to do with him, exactly?" He demanded, for the second time.

"Find out who sent him."

"What if he won't talk?"

"He will."

Elyn shook his head. "I don't like torture, Tamia. I've been in my share of fights... but hurting someone while they are helpless is wrong."

"Don't watch then."

Tamia watched Elyn's face morph into a picture of disgust and horror.

At her.

She felt a deep cold spread from her chest, flowing through her veins and through her limbs. It filled her mind, bringing everything into sharp focus.

What does he know. I must eliminate all the threats. I must find my father.

Everything was so clear. Hurt this threatening stranger, wring all the information out of him, the discard him.

Simple.

So why wasn't she doing it?

Tamia stood, turning towards the prisoner. Elyn shadowed her movement warily, unsure of her intentions.

So easy. Just wake him up, and cause him pain. Until he gives us the information I need.

Tamia stood over the prone body, her hands balled into tight fists, her veins singing with violence. Her mind called for blood, her body bayed for it. A red haze entered the edges of her vision, and she made her decision.

With slow but confident ease, she draw her kukri, the bend blade reflecting the firelight.

Ignoring the gasp from Elyn, she bent over the unconscious form of Amasye.

"Time to wake up..." Tamia crooned, a soft, sweet sound, but it made Elyn shudder.

"Tamia...."

Tamia ignored him, lightly running the tip of her blade over Amasye's brow. No blood appeared, the only sign was a slight mark across his skin.

"Tamia!" Elyn tried again, taking a hesitant step towards her.

One glance at her face stopped him cold.

He had seen that expression before.

On men about to commit murder.

On soldiers about to fight their last battle.

On mothers defending their children.

There was no stopping such cold, determined will to kill. Not with words, anyway.

He watched as Tamia ran the dagger down between her victim's eyes and down his nose, this time applying enough pressure to leave a dark crimson trail.

Amasye groaned from the depths of his unconsciousness, moving his head away.

I really hit him a good one, then.

Watching her slow movements as she applied her dagger across his cheekbones, his jawline, and chin, bringing more blood up to run across the pale face, Elyn stepped behind her.

"Tamia, stop."

Tamia hesitated, then looked around at Elyn with eyes devoid of emotion.

"I have to."

"No, you don't."

Tamia turned away from him, raising her blade yet again.

"Screw this." Elyn lept onto Tamia's shoulders, ripping the kukri out of her hand viciously.

"Give it back!" Trembling in rage, Tamia clawed at him, fighting desperately to get him off.

"No! He can't even respond, Tamia! Look at him!"

Tamia ignored him, pulling on his leg desperately. "I have to!"

"Look at him!" Elyn roared in her ear, hoping desperately he could make it through her rage.

His hope came to be.

Tamia looked at her victim, her eyes coming into focus. He was still out cold, blood covering his face from dozens of small cuts.

He didn't even wake. What was I doing?

All the rage left Tamia as quickly as it had come, leaving her empty and exhausted.

Crumpling to the ground, she closed her eyes.

What was I thinking? I'm as bad as them...

She sobbed. Borne from confusion, terror and self hatred, her sorrow came in great waves, swamping her in great racks of tears.

Distantly, she was aware of arms around her, and comforting words in her ear, but she couldn't determine who said them, or what they were saying.

Slowly, uneasily, she cried herself to sleep.

Elyn sat with her, holding her, his back from the bloody captive.

Overhead, a crow cried harshly as the shadows lengthened.


_________________
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----

"Please never have a character laugh mischievously, or cry sadly, or I shall have to hit you with a wet fish." -Brigid Lowry


Last edited by Nutty on Fri Aug 17, 2007 10:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Squall   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 12:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sup Chey.

Quote:
I was caught off guard so easily. It cannot happen again.


Don't tell us how she felt. Show us lol.

Quote:
They were just out of sight of the town, sheltering in a widening of the path.


There's two "ing" words used. I'm a bit confused as to what this sentence means.

Quote:
Trees bent over them on either side, sheltering them from the dimming sky above.


Sheltering again?

Quote:
Tamia watched Elyn's face morph into a picture of disgust and horror.
At her.


"At her" doesn't deserve to start on a new paragraph.

Quote:
He watched as Tamia ran the dagger down between her victim's eyes and down his nose


You used "down" twice.

Review: This was quite well written and flowed along quite nicely. My advice is to not tell us how she felt. Instead, show it and make it link to the story. Do not use italics as that's just a cheap way of showing her emotion. Tamia seems to be quite a dangerous girl lol. Wants to finish her victims off but realizes that she's just as worse when she is stopped. I think it could also had a bit more depth to it ( I can't really tell you how to do that, it's something that makes the story stand out more).

Overall, good job.

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