Topic ID: 18143
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sokool15
In the begining there was nothing and it exploded.
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 Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 3:56 am Post subject: Mercenary Wings 12 |
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Last edited by sokool15 on Fri Aug 22, 2008 6:46 am; edited 2 times in total |
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TL G-Wooster
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| Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 9:51 am Post subject: |
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deLucio's not so bad after all... 
Great chapter, and I can't wait to find out what happens next!! Kiera's responses during the "interrogation" had me grinning.  |
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Fan
Tea please......
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| Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 3:08 pm Post subject: |
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Wow.  This looks really good. I'm going to to go when I have the time so I can understand the story and give better opinions. |
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Poltergiest
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| Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 3:41 pm Post subject: |
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Very sweet! First of all I love how deLucio blocked forest spirit, (Still can't remember her name! AH!) with the burned gtrass and stuff. It was really good. Oh, Kiera is amazing at manipulating ceLucio! It was perfect!
On more thing, you probably already explained this but I probably just missed it. How is she restrained? Like, how is she not able to move around? Uh, the interigation scene was really good, like I said.
But you might want to shorten it, just a little tiny bit! Not by much just, some things get really repetative. Like he asks the same questions over and over, which I guess is sortof the piont but skip to the yelling.
I like how she didn't talk when he told her not to say a word. Funny. Well. deLucio's so gonna let her escape in the middle of the night because she's so feakin good at manipulating! And then she's gonna knock him out and run into the forest and it will be cool and stuff!
Ok, that really is all I have.
~Pol |
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greenjay
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| Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 4:26 pm Post subject: |
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Sweet! Goodjob, I like this chapter.
-Greenie |
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kitty15
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| Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 9:55 am Post subject: |
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My favourite chapter so far and yes, I thought that Delucio was always a good person deep down but he has still done some horrible things. Freeing Kiera might redeem him a little I suppose.
The interrogation scene is my favourite but I do like Delucio's method of keeping the forest spirit out. |
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