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Kitty15
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 Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:54 pm Post subject: |
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It's a short scene so not much to critique but it's nice. I like the little insight into Gladman's life and career. Ultra is nosey though. Tut tut. As an angel he really should learn to mind his own business and doesn't he know that stealing is wrong?  |
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:28 pm Post subject: Re: infraRED 01 - Underworld Breakout |
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| Mattster wrote: |
Gregory: Yes, I felt it too. You should indicate you are speaking to INFRA againDemon! If you really want this orb, then come and take it!
INFRA: ... All right.
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Nicely Done Matt, Sorry I haven't gotten to thid before. I'll get the rest later.
Good formatting. This will perfect for drawing out a comic as you hace provided not only us, but yourself with descriptions of what thinghs look like. I look forward to reading more. |
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mattisdada
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 1:46 pm Post subject: |
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I know you guys have all been wondering "I wonder who that dashing and cool character called Matthew Gladman is...?"
Well wounder no more! For it is I! At long last. 
Well Mattster, I always loved your ideas and the plot line you summarised for me. But what your script so far has been quite positively amazing. You have written it all quite well. And made it quite a enjoyable read. I have always loved you style of writing, it's very good. If you wanted to, you could become an author, and be a very successful one at that. So keep up the great work! I can't wait for the next part. What will happen next? No one knows!
Well, maybe Mattster does. But he doesn’t count!  |
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маттѕтея
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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Well, first things first, I made some minor edits to the previous instalment.
Second things second, Mattisdada, you stud! Welcome to our humble YWS! We go way back. And yes, Isdada here is "Professor" Matt Gladman! =D *applause*
Last things last, we return to our hero.
=====================================================
INFRA trudges along the street, back the way he'd come, his bleeding having slowed greatly. The pain is no less, though, and INFRA looks to be on his last legs.
INFRA: Curse - curse that reaper... spotted by - humans... gah!
INFRA notices that another human (none other than PONCHO, in fact, but of course INFRA doesn't know this) coming down the street towards him. He ducks behind a postbox, but PONCHO has already spotted him and flicked out a torch. As PONCHO moves closer to INFRA's hiding place, the light grows brighter and INFRA braces himself for the worst. All of a sudden, just as PONCHO is about to reach INFRA, a metal garbage can falls over behind PONCHO, who turns and runs towards it. While he is distracted, ULTRA (who of course caused the diversion) grabs INFRA and flies onto the top of a building, out of PONCHO's eyesight.
INFRA: ULTRA! Did you find the orb? How'd you find me?
ULTRA: I sensed you, duh. Never mind the orb, why are you holding your belly like that?
INFRA moves his arms to reveal the large cut across his belly. ULTRA gasps.
INFRA: That pathetic reaper and his goons did it, and took the orb I had as well. How long does it take to die by a reaper's scythe?
ULTRA: It's instantaneous. He obviously wasn't trying to kill you immediately... it makes sense, if he had, the orb would have died with you. But you'll be fine. I've got a little healing ability.
ULTRA presses his hand to INFRA's wound, making INFRA wince; he concentrates mentally, but after a few seconds it's evident that he's having no effect.
ULTRA: Gah! It's too deep for me to heal alone, I need a powerful assistant or object... INFRA, wait here.
INFRA: Hey! Where're you going?
ULTRA: To get a powerful object. Stay there!
ULTRA flies into the sky and vanishes in a small flash of light. We follow him to Heaven, which at first glance resembles a massive hall. As ULTRA walks, it is soon revealed that this is just the entrance; the Heaven outside the hall is a large grassy park, fountain in the middle, various churches around the edges and a cathedral at the other end. ULTRA extends his wings and begins to make his way to the cathedral. ULTRA catches snippets of conversation from other angels as he flies past...
Timothy: ... see that demon I flattened in that forest? Serious...
Francine (stroking her hair): ... shines like the sun itself, I definitely recommend that conditioner...
ULTRA finally reaches the cathedral. Entering, he spots a very wrinkled angel wearing purple robes and a large golden cross around his neck, and strangely sporting three halos. This angel is HAROLD, current Lord of Heaven. ULTRA avoids him and moves towards a door on his right. Stepping through, he appears in front of a series of small safes. He locates the one he's after and reaches out toward it, but hesitates.
ULTRA (thinking): Only Lord HAROLD or the owner of an item is permitted to open a vault... surely I'm considered the owner? I did find it...
After a little deliberation, ULTRA pulls on the hatch. The door opens easily, and the red orb glows from inside.
ULTRA: Perfect!
He pockets the orb quickly, shutting the hatch and turning to leave. He is shocked to find an angel (GUILE) blocking his path.
ULTRA (relieved): Oh, it's you, GUILE. How've you been?
GUILE (dejectedly): Oh, fine, ULTRA, fine. I, uh, missed out on that promotion again, but... next time, right?
ULTRA: Yeah, of course you will, GUILE. You're the perfect material!
GUILE (a little more confidently): Yeah... yeah, I will, right? Hey, I'll see you around, ULTRA, ok?
With that, ULTRA and GUILE leave the room.
INFRA has begun shivering by the time ULTRA returns in a sudden blinding flash.
INFRA: I'm surprised they let you take that.
ULTRA: Life's full of surprises. Now hold still.
ULTRA once again presses his hand to INFRA's wound, causing INFRA to once again wince; this time, the red orb and ULTRA's hand glow as he passes it over the cut, sealing it. As he finishes, INFRA inspects his belly. It's completely unmarked and his pain is all gone.
INFRA: Thanks, ULTRA... I feel better than ever.
ULTRA: Pfft, that was nothing. You'd do the same for me, I know.
INFRA: ... ULTRA, tell me. How can you be so confident in that? I attacked you mercilessly! I robbed you of the orb that you rightfully found! And then you turn around and help me out when I'm hurt, and trust me to help you?
ULTRA: INFRA, I trust you. That's a fact, I trust you with my life. Whether it's the right thing to do... is up to you.
INFRA is silent for a bit. The silence is broken, however, when a red arrows hits ULTRA's hand, the one holding the orb. ULTRA is unharmed, but the orb goes flying out of his hand and straight into that of ABHOR, who is floating on the other side of the two and whom, upon catching the orb, flies away laughing manically. Looking in the other direction, INFRA spots a demon archer, and narrowly misses him with a fireball barrage.
INFRA: Damn them!
ULTRA: Gah, we were distracted... Come on, INFRA, we've got to follow them!
The duo drop back down onto the street and begin to head in the direction ABHOR went. The sun is just rising, and just as the duo pass by Gladman Labs, ULTRA hears something whizzing towards them. He tackles INFRA out of the way.
ULTRA: Look out!
As they fall to the ground, a green pellet hits the ground next to them, producing a small hole in the concrete. They get up and turn around to see the android from GLADMAN's workroom (TEMPO). TEMPO's gun closes, turning itself into a hand, and TEMPO herself flies down onto the road, landing in front of INFRA.
TEMPO: Ohayou gozaimasu, Oni-san (good morning, demon). My name is TEMPO, and my mission is to destroy you.
TEMPO raises her hand, which becomes a gun again, and aims it at INFRA.
=====================================================
Oooooooooooh cliffhanger! :O Looks like the long posts are back! =D |
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Last edited by маттѕтея on Thu Aug 02, 2007 11:54 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Kitty15
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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| A female Android? Awesome! I love the part in heaven when that angel's talking about her hair. Lol. I could visualise it so well. Also, I like the development of the bond between the two brothers but perhaps Infra should save Ultra that second time. Or is his loyalty not to be proven yet? It's good though and I'm looking forward to the next scene. An action scene I hope? Can't wait! |
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маттѕтея
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| Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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=D Thanks Kitty for your consistent advice and comments, and Adam and Isdada for your help too.
On to the subject of titles. "Underworld Breakout"... bit stupid. What do you guys think of "Paint the Town Red" for the title of the first story arc? |
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Kitty15
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| Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 3:57 pm Post subject: |
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| I like 'Paint the Town Red' but I think you need something that's going to stand out a bit more. Perhaps a title that refers to the orbs or the android? It's not too important at this stage though and you might find that something comes to you when it's completely finished. |
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маттѕтея
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| Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:22 pm Post subject: |
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Mmm, that's true. Well, I'll stick with Paint the Town Red for now.
=====================================================
TEMPO, arm-cannon raised, begins firing at INFRA, who leaps over the barrage towards TEMPO. ULTRA watches in anxiety as INFRA lands immediately in front of TEMPO and fire-punches her belly, sending her flying back. Having given the punch a lot of force, INFRA is surprised to see TEMPO recover quickly, landing on her feet.
INFRA: So, what's your story?
TEMPO: As I have told you, Oni-san. I am TEMPO, creation of Professor Matthew Gladman, sent here to eliminate the threat to humanity.
INFRA: Well, you're making a mistake. I'm not the one who has a problem with the humans. Did you see those guys with that round thing?
TEMPO: I see right through your lies!
TEMPO lunges at INFRA. ULTRA prepares to intervene when he senses the sixth and final orb.
ULTRA (thinking): That's the same orb that was in Gladman Labs... Gladman?
As INFRA and TEMPO spar, ULTRA watches TEMPO strangely.
ULTRA (thinking): ... it's in there. (out loud) Hey! I knew I'd seen her before! She was that android in the lab!
INFRA begins to charge a large flame ball. Noticing this, TEMPO switches to her left arm, flies into the air and fires what seem to be heat-seeking rockets. As INFRA runs for cover, ULTRA fires waterbombs at the rockets, short-circuiting them. Some of ULTRA's waterbombs reach TEMPO, who drops to the ground.
TEMPO (recovering): Angel-san opposes me too, eh? So be it!
TEMPO begins firing energy blasts at ULTRA, who blocks them with his bubble shield. TEMPO's attack is cut short when a demonic hand reaches out of the ground and grabs her leg. As a portal opens, more hands appear and grab TEMPO, until a group of four demons is holding her down. ABHOR appears from a sidestreet and floats in front of TEMPO, who kicks and struggles to attack her capturers. INFRA and ULTRA duck out of sight to watch.
ABHOR: This marks the last one... Hold it still!
ABHOR, mirroring his attack on INFRA, uses his scythe to pry open TEMPO's chest plate, and sitting there on a small pedestal, connected to countless cables and wires, is the green sixth orb. ABHOR reaches out to take it.
TEMPO: Don't you touch that!
ABHOR (striking TEMPO with his scythe): Shut up!
TEMPO: Aagh!
ABHOR grabs the orb. Immediately, he is fried in a huge discharge of electricity, and blown back by the force. Recovering, he shakes the soot off and finds that he is holding the orb; the demons drop TEMPO, who falls lifeless to the ground. INFRA and ULTRA jump out of hiding.
ULTRA: Can you take them, INFRA?
INFRA (eyeing the four demons): Yep.
INFRA charges towards the demons, who prepare to beat him up, while ULTRA flies towards ABHOR, firing waterbombs. INFRA trips up the first demon that throws a punch at him, and jumps over the next one. He grabs the arm of the third and hurls him back, knocking down the first two. The last one takes INFRA by surprise, wrapping him in a headlock. This demon evidently hasn't anticipated much strength from INFRA's small figure though, and is shocked to be elbowed very hard in the stomach. Bending over in pain, he is easily knocked down by a firepunch to the head. ULTRA, meanwhile, is having problems fighting ABHOR, who is drawing strength from the orb he is holding and whose scythe is glowing, meaning instant death for ULTRA if it so much as touches him. Just as INFRA is punching the fourth demon, ULTRA dodges ABHOR's attack but flies into a pole and drops to the ground. ABHOR raises his scythe for the death blow and there is a blinding flash. When the light subsides, we see the fourth demon impaled on the scythe's blade; he is promptly vaporised. ULTRA is underneath, unharmed, and INFRA is still in a throwing position.
ABHOR: Go! Now!
The remaining demons drop back into the ground as ABHOR, orb in hand, flies down the street. INFRA and ULTRA quickly follow.
ULTRA: This is bad... this is very bad, they have all six now!
INFRA: What do they want with these orbs anyway?
ULTRA: I'll tell you later, if you don't find out by yourself first!
The duo remain in pursuit of ABHOR.
=====================================================
So... horrors upon horrors!! What will happen now?
Umm... what was I going to explain here? Oh yeah! Tempo's right arm fires energy blasts, like in Star Wars, or Metroid, or anything that has futuristic guns. Her left arm fires the heat-seeking rockets. Boom. |
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"I did!"
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Last edited by маттѕтея on Thu Aug 09, 2007 12:12 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Alteran
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| Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 4:06 pm Post subject: |
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Le Gasp! What ever is going to happen!? Darn you Matt and your Cliff hangers!
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| ULTRA dodges ABHOR's attack but flies into a pole and drops to the ground. |
Looks good. I know this is going to be like a graphic novel but I bet you could turn it into an awesome fiction story.
Nice work. |
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Kitty15
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| Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 6:00 pm Post subject: |
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Oh dear. Poor ULTRA and INFRA don't seem to be having much luck. Your action in this section was really good but perhaps the demons defeated TEMPO too easily? Afterall, Infra and Ultra were having difficulties but they were much stronger than the four demons together as shown when Infra took them all out.
Overall, I enjoyed reading it and look forward to the next part. |
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маттѕтея
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 5:11 am Post subject: |
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That might be true about the fighting, but remember that Tempo was ambushed whereas Infra and Ultra willingly stepped up to fight. Probably in the final product, the fight will end up going for longer and Tempo will have been weakened more. 
Anyway, here we have a flashback about the history of the orbs, and Luke's interest in them.
=====================================================
We see INFRA and ULTRA standing below LUKE's eyes, surrounded by the six orbs.
Narration (like those yellow text boxes in comics): Our heroes have failed to protect the ancient orbs, which are now in the hands of LUKE's forces. But what does LUKE want the orbs for?
In the next frame we see a small room. The walls are lined with shelves that are themselves lined with potion bottles, and there is a table in the middle at which a man is working. In short, it is a typical wizard's potion room and the man is scientific wizard BARCLAY Gladston.
BARCLAY (immersed in his work): And stir... stir once more, perhaps? Yes... Yes!
BARCLAY steps back to admire his work.
BARCLAY: I... have to inform KENNITH of this!
We next see BARCLAY and High Wizard KENNITH at the table.
BARCLAY: See that, High Wizard?
KENNITH: BARCLAY, my lad, this is outstanding work... you've managed to create a potion... that absorbs magical energy?
BARCLAY: I have, sir... but the problem is, it slowly absorbs physical matter as well... I woke up today to find it all over the floor.
KENNITH: Indeed... this is easily remedied.
KENNITH forms a glass orb from the air in his hand.
KENNITH: This container is protected from physical harm... only physical force coupled with magical power could break through it. We shall store your potion in here; magic will still be freely transferable out of and into it.
BARCLAY: Excellent solution, High Wizard.
A montage follows of multiple orbs being created by KENNITH and BARCLAY... and then of their village alight in flames.
Narration: After the witch hunts, it seemed only six orbs remained... thrown into the bonfire, they did not burn, but sucked up energy at an alarming rate and began to glow... the non-magical villagers feared them and attempted to dispose of them...
One by one we see villagers separating the orbs, thinking it will dissipate their power... one sent into the desert... one scaling a mountain... one burying an orb in a grassy patch... one hurling an orb into the ocean... one kicking an orb into a deep forest... and one, leaving an orb in the burned-down wizard village.
Next frame, we see the peninsula separated from the mainland.
Narration: A few years later, a mighty quake ripped through the peninsula. The people feared that it was a supernatural disaster and fled the island on boats, leaving the orbs to lie on the island, slowly gathering more energy until they could hold no more.
Next frame, we see a city under construction on the peninsula.
Narration: Almost a century since the orbs were produced, sceptical settlers moved back to the island and became the founders of New Sydney.
Next we see a demon (Paddy) in the underworld, holding a book. The book's title reads "History of the World - St Peter".
Narration: But what of the demons? Why have they worked so hard to gather six orbs together?
Paddy runs into a chamber and addresses the unseen dweller.
Paddy: My Lord... I believe I have found a way... to free you from your prison.
Unseen: ... Oh yes?
Evidently, the orbs are the solution to allowing a mighty demon access into the mortal plane. Having learned of this, the angels have worked tirelessly against the demons, but all seems to be lost.
We return to INFRA and ULTRA running along the street after ABHOR.
ULTRA: The short and sweet version is, those orbs are the key to breaking the seal on Lucifer's chamber. LUKE must be in charge of the operation.
INFRA: LUKE... Lucifer... You know what? I'm willing to bet they're the same guy.
ULTRA: Either way, our work will count for nothing if their summoning succeeds... Come on, faster, INFRA!
They continue into the early morning, but already the path ahead of them emits an ominous white glow...
=====================================================
 !! |
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Kitty15
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| Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 12:18 am Post subject: |
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| Ooooh. I like the 'back story' on the orbs and it's certainly more effective than having someone explain it through pure speech. I simply can't wait to see this done as a comic! |
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маттѕтея
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| Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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What happens next?
This:
=====================================================
INFRA and ULTRA continue running.
ULTRA: ... No... That light - They've already done it!
INFRA remains silent. As they reach the site of the bright light an enormous mob of demons rise up from the ground and begin rampaging throughout the city. Only ABHOR remains when INFRA and ULTRA arrive to witness the appearance of what resembles a winged adult human in a toga, but much uglier. LUCIFER is free in the mortal plane.
LUCIFER: ... ABHOR... well done.
INFRA: That voice... I knew it. You're LUKE!
LUCIFER: Well, bravo INFRA.
LUCIFER turns quickly and slams his fist into the ground. The city rumbles as cracks form, making their way towards INFRA and ULTRA, who leap out of the way.
LUCIFER: Actually, I'm glad to see you here, INFRA... with your brother. Incidentally, I assume you've realised why ABHOR was given your place?
INFRA: I know it had nothing to do with my efficiency... and what does ULTRA have to do with it?
ABHOR chuckles.
LUCIFER: Everything. Your first orb acquisition went perfectly. You disposed of the disgusting angels and took what you wanted.
ULTRA: You... killed them?
INFRA: I'm not proud of what I did, ULTRA!
LUCIFER: You failed to destroy your opposition the second time around, INFRA. The bloodlust that seemed your greatest strength... your weakness is that you lack it.
INFRA hurls a large fireball at LUCIFER, but it is easily deflected and flies off into a building.
INFRA: I'm not weak...
LUCIFER laughs, and ABHOR sycophantically joins in.
LUCIFER: I'll spare you for now, INFRA, just to let you see what you've missed out on. The entire planet Earth, under my command, with you at my right hand... that privilege now belongs to ABHOR.
LUCIFER raises an open hand at ULTRA.
LUCIFER: Your brother I have no need for.
LUCIFER's hand begins glowing in preparation for an attack. INFRA sidesteps in front of ULTRA. ABHOR looks on, almost hungrily.
INFRA: You'll have to kill me before you kill him.
LUCIFER doesn't back down, but before he can attack a rocket flies into his path, and the explosion throws all of them off balance. The first to recover is INFRA, who turns to see where the rocket came from. TEMPO stands down the street, with GLADMAN close behind.
INFRA: TEMPO?
TEMPO: Correct. Perhaps you thought me defeated when your friends attacked and stole my power supply? My creator, Professor Gladman, is a genius; it took him only minutes to install another battery.
ULTRA: Please listen to me, TEMPO. We're not the bad guys -
TEMPO: Silence!
GLADMAN: TEMPO, perhaps we should listen to him...
TEMPO frowns at GLADMAN.
TEMPO: He wishes to deceive us, Professor. Do not -
LUCIFER coughs.
LUCIFER: This is all quite interesting... but I'm afraid I must cut it short. See, being locked in a sealed underworld chamber for centuries didn't allow much time for meals...
LUCIFER turns to where GLADMAN is standing.
LUCIFER: ... and mortals always were my favourite.
With a burst of speed, LUCIFER runs to GLADMAN, sending TEMPO flying on his way, and lifts GLADMAN by the neck.
TEMPO (recovering, eyes wide in fear): Father!
=====================================================
Sorry, folks... another cliffhanger. XP |
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Kitty15
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| Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 2:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh no, poor Gladman! You can't leave it there, I want to know if he gets eaten! I wasn't expecting Tempo to return to be honest so that was a pleasant little surprise and I'm enjoying the conflict between the brothers and the depth of Infra's character. I'd almost forgotten that he killed those engels earlier. |
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Lest hope corrupt your foolish heart,
quick cast her out and let depart
the acrid whims of angel's wings
which clutch at twisted puppet strings. |
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маттѕтея
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| Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 4:14 pm Post subject: |
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So... do I feel like killing off Gladman?
=====================================================
As LUCIFER pulls GLADMAN towards his mouth, TEMPO and ULTRA both rush towards LUCIFER. INFRA hesitates as he turns towards the orbs.
GLADMAN: TEMPO... help me!
TEMPO prepares to fire at LUCIFER, but LUCIFER holds GLADMAN up in front of himself as a shield, and TEMPO lowers her gun. ULTRA tries to attack him from the other side but is swatted away. LUCIFER opens his mouth wide, but is distracted by a glow behind him. INFRA has grabbed the red and violet orbs and is absorbing them into his skin. LUCIFER lowers GLADMAN, a grin spreading across his face.
LUCIFER: Well, doesn't this look fun. (to GLADMAN) You'll have to wait!
With that, LUCIFER tosses GLADMAN aside, stepping forward towards INFRA as TEMPO rushes to GLADMAN.
TEMPO: Father-san! Are you all right?
GLADMAN: Ow... I'm fine, TEMPO... you need to -
GLADMAN stops talking as INFRA lets out a roar and charges at LUCIFER. As he gets closer, he seems to seize up and drops onto his knees, glowing brighter than ever and occasionally flaring up. LUCIFER is startled, but soon calms himself.
LUCIFER: My word, INFRA. Don't tell me you can't handle the power of even two of the ancient orbs? They're not even full, most of their energy was used to unlock my chamber!
LUCIFER kneels down to whisper to INFRA.
LUCIFER: Such a pathetic display. It makes me glad I removed you...
LUCIFER grins in a very ugly way.
LUCIFER: And now... I will punish you for ever trying to oppose me!
LUCIFER prepares to attack INFRA, but stops and backs away slightly as INFRA begins sporadically transforming into flame. Long "tentacles" of flame begin frequently appearing from and vanishing into INFRA's body. INFRA's eyes widen as he struggles to contain the energy, but the tentacles become more frequent and begin flailing, breaking windows and swatting LUCIFER away with great force. LUCIFER climbs to his feet, at first looking outraged but again calming down quickly.
LUCIFER: Let us watch, angel, as your brother destroys himself! In fact, now would be the perfect time for a snack.
LUCIFER turns back to GLADMAN, but a tentacle wraps around LUCIFER and throws him into the side of a building. TEMPO aims her cannon at INFRA again.
GLADMAN: TEMPO, don't! He's not your enemy...
TEMPO: Father, he is weakened and at perfect range!
GLADMAN: He just protected me from the large one...
ULTRA (recovering): TEMPO, take him to safety!
ULTRA runs over towards INFRA. TEMPO watches him run, and sees INFRA look up at her. After a moment, she nods and picks up GLADMAN before flying into the dawn sky. ULTRA, meanwhile, is narrowly missed by a flailing tentacle before he reaches INFRA.
ULTRA: INFRA! Did you think you'd be able to control all the energy alone? Give me your hand!
Slowly and with much effort, INFRA does so. As their hands connect, we see the violet orb leave INFRA and enter ULTRA. Gradually, the thrashing tentacles fade and INFRA and ULTRA are both engulfed in a healthy glow.
ULTRA: This feels good!
INFRA: Exactly what I needed.
The duo turn to LUCIFER.
LUCIFER (recovering): You seem to really believe you can defeat me... Well, I've never yet said no to killing somebody.
The three of them charge at one another.
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Tickets to the fight of the century are available at SupernaturalRumble.com (not a real URL, hehe). |
_________________
"All right, all right! We didn't gather here to discuss Pegasus' ambiguous sexual orientation!"
"I did!"
"Shut up!"
Last edited by маттѕтея on Thu Aug 30, 2007 2:47 am; edited 1 time in total |
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