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This thread was created on March 10, 2005
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your world versus my world
Topic ID: 1771
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marzipan
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 02 Dec 2004 Posts: 62 Reviews: 24 Country: BC, Canada 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 11:46 pm Post subject: your world versus my world |
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I live in this world where
Things are doing okay,
Things are moving along quietly but
Surely
And maybe it's not perfect but it's
Home
And then you tell me that
In your world, things are different
People aren’t the same there,
They look like my people
But they’re sort of twisted
And small
And you can’t tell unless
You look really hard.
I don’t understand,
I can’t quite
Comprehend
How they can be so
Twisted
And small
How they can live in those
Big shadow houses where
The light only shines through
The windows that aren’t covered
And through the
Cracks in their judgment -
Only they board those up
With putty and nails
And hope it stays tight for
Future generations
They aren’t like my
People
They sometimes eat blood
On their pancakes
And they only give when they
Can get
And they have pointy teeth when
It comes to their share in
The big pot
And pouches in their cheeks
For storing large amounts
To secure retirement plans
You tell me they’re all sick
With a fever
That one day soon
They’ll die out
Only what doesn’t kill you
Makes you stronger
And right now I’m under the table,
Calling 911, but
The building is burning
And your people
Are marching in
And there’s less of them than
Before
But they hold His fiery sword
That one He used to
Keep them out of Eden
You knew Him?
Well
He’s dead now,
And so am I. |
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electricbluemonkey
Midnight Toker Moderator

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 16 Nov 2004 Posts: 2694 Reviews: 418 Country: San Diego, CA 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 2:28 am Post subject: |
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| Good. A light, fast read, which seemed very much like a song, but I enjoyed it a lot. I didn't get your whole idea on this, but the general feel was understandable. The lines didn't quite make sense, and some just didnt fit. You should go over the last stanza...its...strange. |
_________________ Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea. |
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| This thread was created on March 10, 2005 |
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