Topic ID: 1667
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ashleylee
Let's make beautiful music together
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 Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:38 pm Post subject: |
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umm WOW! This was really REALLY good!  You are an AMAZING writer.
Gosh, I feel unwanted as I am out of a job. There is nothing to correct in here. I have nothing to say to fix because everything is SO good! 
Well, I'm guessing that this is only one piece and you won't continue it....which makes me really, REALLY sad! 
But, if you ever to choose to continue it, PLEASE PM me because I would love to read more of your work. This piece was simply divine |
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Night Mistress
a lover of vampires
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| Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow! this was...interesting. i hope you continue it. this was really good. |
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SimplyPersnikety
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| Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 1:13 am Post subject: |
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| Wonderful! Intoxicating! I couldn't stop reading! There were a few grammar and spelling issues but other then that... GREAT JOB!! |
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lit-chick-4evva
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:51 am Post subject: |
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Hey,
I thought this was a really good story...you have great diction, and it was unpredictable. Yet, i understodd what was going on. Very nice work. 
Well, I found a few punctuation errors though. Here's one:
*quote* His face was Latin with curly brown hair brushed easily back to brush the base of his neck in the back and blue eyes that were as cold as a clear January sky *end quote*
I personally think you should add a few commas here and there, or break it into a few smaller, more comprehensible sentences. Like this:
His face was Latin with curly brown hair, that was easily swept back at the base of his slender neck. His eyes were blue and cold, just like a clear January sky.
Hope this helps!!
xoxo |
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RoryLegend
what the fetch
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:17 am Post subject: |
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Hello!
I read this story a while ago and I really liked it, I thought it was really interesting and well written. There was a lot of risk in some of the parts that you wrote which made it good. I thought you executed the feeling and the detail perfectly. Also I liked that the vampires overpowered her more than she just went along with it. They practically forced her out the door. I don't know, I thought it was a good element. I would really like it if you continued this story. I am always interested in how different people percieve the vampire world. I think a lot of people have a set rule that they follow and sometimes it can get cliche and I want to know how you think they would act and live like. I also want to know your version of her process of becoming a vampire. Sorry if this seems a little to much like I'm prying, but I have tried writing vampire stories before and I always feel like they are too cliche because it is so hard to not use elements from other people's stories. Anyways good job, keep writing! |
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Lady of Fire
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| Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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| wow, i got shivers down my spine. this was soo good. i don't care how long ago it was posted, if it can send sivers up and down the spine twelve times, it's a good story. |
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lex
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 2:22 am Post subject: |
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awesOme!
i enjoy reading it,really! |
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WRITE what you believe.
believe what is RIGHT. |
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