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Young Writers Society Forum Index » Dramatic Poetry

This thread was created on May 26, 2007
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Aesthetic You and Me.

Topic ID: 16516
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Chandni   View This User's Portfolio
Peace, Love and Magic.
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PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2007 1:18 am    Post subject: Aesthetic You and Me. Reply with quote

Our philosophies stood separate

yet your magnetic field

was attracted to mine.



Et vice versa.



We contaminated

each others thoughts,

as if they were devoted -

ready to be combined –



Their mission on becoming one

developed a true prestige,

willow voices narrated our

vast law of attraction;



“Steady at a persuasive halo,

whispering beneath the neutral sun.

they lay beneath, acquiring exertion,

feeding their eternal minds.



In which they hold,

the future in one hand

and the past in another.



Together”



Through our bodies we elaborate,

our beliefs-lost puzzle pieces-

gathering and foreseeing

this infinite glory.

_________________
I will sing it to the sky,
there's a risk it won't reply
if I could change it then I would,
I won't screw it up this time.

-Maps


Last edited by Chandni on Sun May 27, 2007 2:28 am; edited 1 time in total
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Suzanne   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2007 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked this. It seemed like an odd take on two people meeting up, yes?

Quote:
heir mission on becoming one,
developed a true prestige,
willow voices narrated our
vast law of attraction;


I don't think there should be a comma at the end of the first line, and the third/forth line confused me, I can't pick up the meaning?

Of course, as we both know, I struggle to understand your poetry...

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biancarayne   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 10:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is definitey a very unique write about two people who at the start seem to be different, with their separate philosophies, and yet somehow they became attracted and in the end they didn't seem quite so different. At least that's what I got from this. A very well-written write with beautiful details and wording. A wonderful write!

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http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?p=210283#210283
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wewinwelose   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 7:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

this is good....but you lost me at the 4th line
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This thread was created on May 26, 2007

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