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Swottielottie
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 Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 5:58 pm Post subject: My first Sonnet - A painted beauty |
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Upon a field of scarlet rose, she lay.
Fixed and frozen, imprisoned in the dark.
Bound by the brown oak frame, forever to stay.
Pure unblemished skin, left without a mark.
Chocolate, colied hair, drapes across ashen skin
Midnight blue eyes twinkle in the twilight
Lonely, a painting trapped and caught within
A saviour passes by, to save her from plight?
Gazes into waxen eyes, falls in love, deep
Two eyes, they stray, a link with them, but he,
strikes his chest, makes his vow, a promise to keep.
Stay by lovers side, for eternity.
The frame of scarlet rose, holds not but one;
Gentle souls now together, it is done. |
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Signor Adolfo Pirelli: May the good Lord smile on you.
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Last edited by Swottielottie on Sun Sep 02, 2007 2:14 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Jules the jester
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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Have you read Sonnet 130 by Shakespeare??
I liked this. I aint much of a poetry boff so i dont really know what to point out and stuff but i enjoyed it.
Hopefully my comment will make you happy.  |
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Swottielottie
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 8:58 am Post subject: |
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Thank you Jules! You comment did make me happy! I don't usuallly write love poems but I wanted to try a sonnet.
Thanks
Charlotte
Very funny signature! |
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Signor Adolfo Pirelli: May the good Lord smile on you.
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biancarayne
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 4:24 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't know much about sonnets, but you've written a very beautiful, wonderfully descriptive one. The only thing I saw was that some of the commas seemed unnecessary to me. Otherwise, this was definitely good! |
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Swottielottie
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 4:26 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you! I replied to your welcome post in the welcome forum!
Glad to see your getting used to yws already!
Charlotte |
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Signor Adolfo Pirelli: May the good Lord smile on you.
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kawaii_kitti
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| Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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Wow beautiful.
It paints a beautifuk Image.
and I am not good with poems. |
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Swottielottie
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| Posted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Thanks, but this was rubbish and or some thing we had to do at school that my teacher never marked. |
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