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But In My Head
But In My Head

by AlyssaKyle in Lyric Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on April 30, 2007
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Possible Related Items Follow:
Tamia's quest part I and II
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Tamia's quest IV
Tamia's quest V
Tamia's quest VI
Tamia's quest VII
Tamia's quest IX
Tamia's quest X
Tamia's quest XI
Tamia's quest XII
Tamia's quest XIII
Tamia's quest XIV
Tamia's quest, chapter one
Tamia's quest

Tamia's quest VIII

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Nutty   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 10:32 pm    Post subject: Tamia's quest VIII Reply with quote

Elyn looked up, throwing Tamia a peach from his pack.

"Of course, M'lady, ask away."

Tamia sat across from him, the two companions separated by the flickering flames. Tamia's face glowed as if in flames, rather then merely being near them.

Elyn suppressed a shudder.

She gave him a look that should have pinned him to the wall, hair falling out of her ponytail to frame her face.

"Where are you from?"

Elyn bit into a peach, nervously wiping the dribbling juices from his mouth.

He knew this was coming... remember the truth is always better then a lie! he stopped himself from shaking his head in confusion.

"I came from a village, to the south. It was called N'kra, or 'the grove'. It was a peaceful place..."

Elyn went into a colorful story, all about the place he once lived.

Tamia learnt that it was a treetop village, above the floods and stinging insects, each family living in a particular tree for generations.

Elyn span his tale well, his voice carrying as well as a minstrels. Tamia could almost hear the children chattering, leaping from tree to tree, and see the the whispering branches of the village above ground.

"Why did you leave?"

Elyn shifted slightly, and a troubled expression crossed his face.

"It... it was a year ago. One of the women was gathering fruit when she happened to stop and look at one of the home trees. the leaves were covered in strange spots, and the bark was flaky and could be pulled away too easily. She informed the elders and the family was evacuated.

The tree fell a week later."

Elyn took another bite of the peach, his eyes focused on something only he could see.

"That was only the first. soon the whole village was destroyed. My whole family got killed in a felling..."

Elyn choked, his eyes bright from past hurts.

"So you see... we are not so different..."

Elyn looked up into sympathetic eyes, usually harsh and cold green, bright with emotion and as soft as spring shoots.

"I'm sorry..." Tamia halted, gaining control of herself.

"I am to find my father. This is all I have." Tamia passed Elyn her necklace, who then examined it, one eyebrow raised.

"Nope. No help there. But would I be right in saying your father is elven?"

Tamia nodded, retying her necklace around her neck.

"Right. let's go then." Elyn swung his pack onto his back.

"Wait! Where are we going...?"

Elyn looked up at tamia, a questioning look apon his face.

"You, of all people, should know." Elyn straightened, tossing tamia her pack off the floor.

"How would you like to meet your grandparents?"


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Last edited by Nutty on Wed May 02, 2007 9:59 pm; edited 1 time in total
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маттѕтея   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 5:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cool.

Like I told you in the chat I couldn't comment on the last one, but there were just a couple of typos, such as avioded--avoided and savoring--savouring (I'm guessing that you guys in NZ use UK English as opposed to US English; otherwise savoring is correct).

Anyway, this is great. Keep it up. =)

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Tamora   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 2:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Tamia could almost hear the children chattering, leaping from tree to tree, and see the the whispering branches of the village above ground.

This is a really cool part, it shows that she (and you) have a nice, gentle side. Continue on this, and elaborate.

The ending's a little cheezy though Wink. Compared to the rest that is.

Great, continue soon, please. Mr. Green
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TL G-Wooster   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yep, you strike again, with a good chappie, but you're still missing a few capitals. Smile

-Twit

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeh getting better now I noticed, few capitals and others everyone else has pointed out. This is getting good though.

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This thread was created on April 30, 2007

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