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Can’t Take the Pain
Can’t Take the Pain

by lordgluzman in Lyrics
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on April 30, 2007
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Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
Tamia's quest part I and II
tamia's quest part III
Tamia's quest IV
Tamia's quest V
Tamia's quest VI
Tamia's quest VIII
Tamia's quest IX
Tamia's quest X
Tamia's quest XI
Tamia's quest XII
Tamia's quest XIII
Tamia's quest XIV
Tamia's quest, chapter one
Tamia's quest

Tamia's quest VII

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Nutty   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 4:35 am    Post subject: Tamia's quest VII Reply with quote

The sun reached the horizon, fighting to illuminate the forest. The light fell across Tamia's face, stirring her from a pleasant dream of better days.

Taking a deep breath, she blinked her eyes open. She stiffened.

Elyn's face was inches from her own, relaxed and peaceful in sleep. Tamia flushed, gingerly removing a carelessly flung arm from about her waist.

Sliding from under the blanket, Tamia stretched, studying the world around her.

A sparrow darted from tree to tree, calling in its high, urgent voice. The night's rain collected in puddles, fed by the dripping foliage.

Tamia raised her face, closing her eyes and savoring the sweet morning air.

In that moment, she was at peace. Surrounded by life, her mind blissfully blank.

Living in the now.

For the first time since leaving the cottage, Tamia felt a smile creep across her face.

"Good mornin'! Did ya sleep well?"

Tamia started. She had almost forgotten Elyn was there.

"Well enough." Her words were clipped short, devoid of all emotion.

Elyn appeared not to notice.

"So. What are we having for breakfast?" Elyn avioded her gaze and started to gather wood.

Tamia watched him work, his tail deftly picking up wood and delicately placing them in the night's firepit.

He kept his head down, and soon had a fire roaring.

"What do you want of me?" Tamia burst, eyes accusing.

Elyn looked up, a expression of innocent honesty on his face.

"Nothing, Tammie, but to be able to travel with someone as charming as you." Elyn grinned cheekily, his tail thrashing about him.

"After a year of solitude, your company is enough to brighten my otherwise bleak existence."

Tamia studied him, eyes searching and doubtful.

"To be honest, I do not know where to go. I have to find someone... but I have no idea where to start." Tamia sighed, and turned away.

"I might be able to help you there. Who is it you are you lookin' for?"

Tamia rounded back Elyn, eyes bright.

"First, I need answers."


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TL G-Wooster   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 5:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, OK, this is good!

nuttychooky wrote:
Taking a deep breath, she blinked her eyes open.


Wrong word to use. Just say: she opened her eyes.


nuttychooky wrote:
Elyn avioded her gaze


That should be "avoided".


nuttychooky wrote:
"What do you want of me?" Tamia burst, eyes accusing.


She burst?! Very Happy Burst out, I think you mean.


The dialogue felt a bit stilted at the end, and some of your paragraphs were broken up oddly, with bits here and bits there. But otherwise: good again!

-ST

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay nit pick you say she too much and Elyn still too fluent. To add I agree with Shadow bout saying burst, is Tamia suddenly a balloon:P Okay on to next one hehe. Sorry I'm doing this when I'm bored but I need to finish it to. Next part!!

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This thread was created on April 30, 2007

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