| Young Writers Society - Community Forums For Young Writers |
|
This thread was created on March 9, 2007
  |
|
A silly work called Monsters Under My Bed Goto page Previous 1, 2
Topic ID: 13979
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
GingerLizzy
But The Tops Of Carrots Are Green
Master of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 16
Joined: 19 Aug 2007
Posts: 1077
Reviews: 461
Country: England
300 Points
|
 Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 2:06 pm Post subject: |
 |
|
Ha, this is actually really good and it made me laugh, super loads. I like how you make the verses jump from one to the other, quite abruptly, but this works well with this piece and makes me want to ask, will there be more on a different kind of childish structure?
I found that when I hit the sixth and seventh set of lines though, the flow was hard to grab onto and it seemed forced. Maybe this is just because I am reading it all wrong, but just read it back to yourself to make sure.
Other than that, I really liked this and in the future, it might be the kind of thing I'd find in books to read to my own children. =]
I also write poems like these, check out my Hidden and Playtime poems, which are simple and childish, the kind you'd find in children's reading books. |
_________________
Worship the ginger monkey  aaand join my new group!
Oh, and enter my new contest! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
sarahcrosbeh
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Posts: 224
Reviews: 188
Country: England
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:34 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Wow! This is my kind of poem to be honest...
It's funny, it's childish and it's simple to understand.
This is really great and i think you should try get it published in one of these childrens poems and stories books.
I aren't even going to try and comment on the techincal stuff of poetry because i know nothing about that...but anyways
Great job, well done. 
x |
_________________
So's your face |
|
| Back to top |
|
Vincent
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 08 Sep 2007
Posts: 65
Reviews: 53
Country: South Africa, where the taxi roam!
323 Points
|
| Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Ive come to do two things 1) apologize because i just posted a poem with the same title (without the happy ending) but i didnt see this and im really sorry 2) to tell you this is the best poem i have ever read! It reminds me of those in calvin and hobbes! sorries and compliments vince |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
|
|
| This thread was created on March 9, 2007 |
Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, In any free society, the conflict between social conformity and individual liberty is permanent, unresolvable, and necessary. - Kathleen Norris
|
