A nice ending, but the majority of it made me somewhat naseous. It hardly sounded like you at all - it seemed like somebody trying far too hard to assume a position that they do not belong in. The airy, omniscient view you gave this turned it completely sour. Usually it is first person with you; you're in the action, you don't try a powerful overlooking tone. I think if this was even slightly personal to you, it would've been a justifiable poem.
I still love the last line, though.
That could've meant something.
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Points: 890
Reviews: 688