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Twisting Paths: Preface [Edited]
Twisting Paths: Preface [Edited]

by M Dragon in Fantasy Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on February 13, 2007
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 11:00 pm    Post subject: Snow White - from an interesting perspective: PART 3 Reply with quote

This is a short section of my story...I'll finish the rest tonight and post it either tonight or in the morning. Please crit and enjoy!

One morning, I awoke and came down to breakfast and the smell of fresh flowers. I smiled...another wonderful habit that Mike had developed. He would put a small flower on each step of the stairs, so as I came down my feet would crush the flowers and their beautiful smell would permeate the air. I listened intently, and heard the sound of Mike's voice talking with...Snapgul? Goodness! What was the dwarf doing here? The squeaky sound of the midgets' voice brought Aurore instantly to my mind, along with a rush of guilt. I had completely forgotten about my poor sister. Really, I berated myself as I came into the dining room, it isn't her fault that she's so silly.

"Snapgul! Hello, how are you? How is my sister?"

At the sound of my voice, the two men stopped talking. Mike came forward to greet me, taking my hand and guiding me to the table. I smiled, thanking him, then turned towards the sounds of Snapgul's short, shuffling feet.

"Is my sister quite well? To what do I owe the honor of this visit?"

Snapgul cleared his throat and it came out a short, gruff moan.

"Er, beggin' your pardon, my lady, but it's about Aurore that I've come. You see, when she first came she was good to us - she helped with the housework and made supper."

I raised my eyebrows at the dwarf doubtfully. Aurore never was one for cooking or housework. Snapgul saw my expression and amended his expressions hastily.

"Well, not so much a help as a burden. Anything she did had to be redone again afterwards. But the important thing is, she tried."

I was able to contain my dubious snort only by the gentle touch of Mike's hand on my elbow.

"Snapgul, my friend...I sense a 'but' coming. What is it?"

He continued in a quieter voice.

"Now she is only a burden. She stays in the little room we made for her, and all she ever does is write. That's what I'm here about. I thought you ought to know. Every day she goes into her room with a big sheaf of papers, a pen and some ink, and every night she sends one of the Brothers out to post them on trees. She mostly sends out Slepgul, who loves her more than any of us, and he comes back with more paper. I think she's sending out messages, my lady, and I thought you should know."

I grinned at him.

"And in return for your faithful service, you expect me to get Aurore out of your life for you, is that it?"

Relief crept into his voice as he answered,

"That's it in a nutshell, my lady - though I wouldn't have said as much aloud."

I frowned, considering.

"I see only two possible explanations. She is trying to get picked up by another prince by sending out pathetic notes like she did last time, or she's plotting treason against me. Mike, what do you think?"

Mike was silent for a moment, then he picked up his cup off the table and swallowed a big mouthful of coffee.

"I say, Vivian, that it's past time for a little visit to the Seven Brother's cottage."

I nodded.

"Snapgul, help yourself to some breakfast while I get some fruit to bring to your cottage. As a gift of thanks for taking care of my sister for so long. After all, the apples are in their prime and you deserve it after putting up with Aurore's cooking for so long!"

Snapgul bowed and sat down at the table, beginning once again to speak with Mike. I went out across the garden, feeling the beautiful, sun-warmed dirt beneath my feet and smelling the faint smell of ripe fruit in the air. I reached my library and pulled open the door, entering into the dark coolness of my spell laboratory. This was the coolest place in the castle, because of all the potions that needed to be kept at certain temperatures, so this is also where I kept the apples. I made my way through the cluttered tables I knew so well, to the back of the room where a basket full of round, smooth apples was sitting. I picked it up and felt over them, the smooth skin passing under my fingertips. I paused, my hand hovering over a small flaw I thought I felt in one of the apples, a bulging sensation, but I ignored it and picked up the basket, walking back out towards the sunshine.

As you, the observant reader, have probably already guessed, that was the worst thing I could possibly have done. As it was, it seemed insignificant - it was a flaw in the apple, for goodness sake! There are flaws in every apple - how was I to know that this particular apple was an experimental apple. I'll tell you now, so you won't be in suspense...I put into that basket accidentally, of course - one of the apples with which I had tested my new sleeping potion. If you will remember, far back in my story, I told you of the experiment with the apples. Well, that little success would now cost me more than I had ever thought it would. I walked out of the library into the sunshine with little thought of the evil I carried on my elbow; the evil that was nestled amidst the lovely, ripe fruits in my basket, a sleeping potion that would cost me my existence as I knew it. Had I known, I would never have walked out that gate, never have pitied my sister, never have gone on that errand of mercy, that investigation - and never would have been where I am today.

But now, before I forget myself and tell you the end before I tell you the middle, I will continue...

TO BE CONTINUED ONCE AGAIN...


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, this is really really good!
Great hooks-- I couldn't stop reading until I had completely finished Smile
Continue on!

One thing though-- some of the lines can be a bit wordy. It could just be in the dialect though so correct me if I'm mistaken.
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This thread was created on February 13, 2007

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