Please be brutally honest on anything, description, dialogue, setting, style...anything! I just want to improve my writing!

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Chapter 1

Vranem West

“Cia! Cia!” said a voice.

Cia yawned and stretched. She opened her eyes and looked into her brother’s anxious black ones.

“Cia, get up! Father wants to see you! I told him you were asleep, but he said to wake you up.”

The tired girl nodded and sat up. Her brother bounded out of the room, leaving Cia to pull on a baggy red sweater and soft, blue slippers. She opened the door and headed straight into the little bathroom near it, and came out eight minutes later, looking considerably fresher. Then she headed downstairs into the living room.

Everyone was eating bread, butter and jam and drinking something in mugs, which Cia knew to be milk. They looked up as Cia reached the last step and hopped down onto the ground.

“Good morning, Cia.” Said her father, and took a sip of his milk.

“Morning, Dad. Why’d you want me?”

“Today your cousin is coming from Riend, and he’s going to stay here for a month, and then he’ll go back to his parents.”

“Which cousin, Dad?”

“Nadel.”

A scream of happiness escaped Cia. “NADEL? YES! HE’S MY FAVORITE COUSIN!”

Cia smiled and jumped around. Of all her mean, conceited cousins, Nadel was the kind and caring one. He always defended her when anyone was rude to her, cheered her up when she was feeling down, bought her things, and took her out on weekends and holidays.

“Sit down, Cia.” Said her mother firmly, with a touch of amusement in her voice.

“Anyway,” her father continued, “He needs to be met in the wood, you know, it’s a long journey from Riend to here.”

“Yeah?” Asked Cia, gleefully.

“And I want to take you with me.”

“YES! Thank you, Dad!”

Cia ran to her father and hugged him tight.

“Hey!” exclaimed her brother, Roye. “Why’d he wanna come?”

His mother opened her mouth, probably to scold him on his rudeness, but his father answered: “He said he wanted to see Cia.”

“But he’s already seen her thrice this year!”

Cia snorted as she buttered her bread. Roye and Nadel were always arguing, because it was Roye’s hobby to annoy Cia and tease her. But when Nadel was around, he didn’t stand a chance.

“Why can’t he stay in a hotel or something?” snapped Roye.

“Roye! Why are you so rude? It’s not his fault you’re so mean to Cia!”

Cia pursed her lips. It wasn’t only because of that.

Roye had his own gang in that area, and they got together sometimes, to fight Nadel when he visited. Cia knew, because Nadel had told her. And once she had watched them. The fight had gotten violent, but Nadel had shoved them off.

Roye bent his head over his breakfast, and didn’t reply. Cia sat at the table and started on her breakfast.

“Cia, after breakfast, you get ready quickly, and we’ll go. Okay?”

“Okay, Dad.”

Cia gulped down her milk and ran up the stairs. Then she had a quick shower, and pulled on a pair of jeans, a red T-shirt and sneakers. Then she ran downstairs, stuck out her tongue at Roye and walked out of the house.

She accompanied her father near the gate, and he held her hand. They both closed their eyes, and Cia braced herself for what next.

Her feet left the ground, and she felt herself rising higher and higher slowly. Then she stopped rising, and instead, started falling. Cold wind whipped her face and blew through her hair.

She had done this many times before, so was not much afraid, but she still disliked the effect on her stomach. This was the worst part of Moveation. As she fell, she felt like losing her breakfast, but thankfully didn’t.

Her feet finally hit solid ground and she fell down on her chest. She stood up and looked around eagerly, impatient to see her cousin.

“Hey, Cia.” Said a voice.

“Nadel!” Cia cried, as a tall boy walked over to her, carrying a suitcase in one arm.

His green eyes twinkled amusingly as Cia ran toward him and threw her arms around his chest, squeezing it.

He patted her back and pulled her off gently. Then he greeted her father, and they started talking about how things were in Riend.

After a while, he put his suitcase down and massaged his right arm. “It’s a little heavy.”

“No worries.” Answered Cia’s dad. “I’ll just send this to the house.”

He tapped it with his wand and it disappeared. Nadel thanked him.

“Alright, now we’ll get back.”

Cia felt the sensation again, first rising up into the air, and then falling rapidly, as if racing light.

She carried Nadel’s suitcase into his room, and he walked in.

“So, has anyone been picking on ya lately?” he asked.

“The usual, Roye and his idiotic gang.”

“Nothing too serious?”

“Nah…how’s your mom, dad and everyone?”

“Fine. Hey, I brought you something.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. Close your eyes.”

Cia shut her eyes and heard the sound of a zip being pulled, then of a packet being pulled out. It sounded like Nadel was removing something from the packet, and then he held her wrist and positioned her hand so that her palm was facing upwards. The next thing she knew, a book was in it. She opened her eyes and read the title on the dark red cover:

Swords And Kittens

“Swords and Kittens! Nadel, you’re the best! I’ve been waiting to buy this book ever since it came out! But Dad wouldn’t let me! And now you…you…bought it for me!”

She hugged him again and he laughed. “Your dad told me you really wanted this book, and I was thinking, ‘since I can’t find a gift for her, why not give her this?’”

Cia was so happy. She couldn’t stop loving the angel who was in the form of her cousin.

* * *

Nadel’s come to stay with us for a month. I’ll tell you more when we walk to History class.

Cia folded up the note and slipped it into her friend Treina’s hand. Then she grabbed her quill and scribbled furiously as her teacher stopped telling a few students off, and continued explaining about Red Dewdrops.

The bell rang minutes later, and Cia stood up. She put her things into her bag, met Treina at the door and they walked to their History class. As they did, Cia quickly filled Treina in on all the details.

“That’s cool! He actually bought you Swords and Kittens? I’ve been dying to read that book!”

“I’ll lend it to you. When can you come over?”

“With home and homework? I’ll try eight at night on Friday. Quick, we’re gonna be late!”

They broke into a fast walk and entered their class just as the teacher opened his book. He glowered at both of them, but said nothing as they sat in their seats, pulled out their scrolls, and poised their quills to write.

An hour later, all the students exited the class and made way into the Dining Hall. Long tables were everywhere, and dishes of excellent cooking were on them. Cia and Treina sat together and started with a few chicken legs each.

“I wish I had a cool cousin like yours…” Treina moaned. “Instead, I have an overprotective big brother…”

“How is he anyway?” interrupted Cia.

“He’s fine. Which reminds me, are you going to go to the Duel today?”

“There’s a Duel today?”

“You don’t know about it?”

“No.”

“You must be like…the only one. Vranem West versus Saires North.”

“Maybe I’ll go.”

“Well if you do, I’ll be there too!”

The bell rang and the girls washed their hands in the hundreds of sinks near the door and went into their next class.

The remainder of the school day passed slowly, and Cia was glad to finally be walking out the gates with Treina.

Although this was usually a pleasant experience, it was not so that day, owing to an incident in their Elfen class. And she couldn’t stop narrating the experience over and over.

“See, I was just walking to the teacher to ask him something. Dan was sitting near, and while the teacher was explaining, she dropped her chalk. And she bent to pick it up. I heard Dan say: “Hey, Treina”! I mean, he actually said that to me! I hope I didn’t look to stupid when I smiled…and then he said: “How are you” The teacher had got her chalk, so I just mouthed ‘fine’ and asked my question.”

Cia wondered if she could Moveate to her home, and leave Treina to dwell on her new friend.

But Moveation was a tricky process, and Cia didn’t feel like trying it yet. She almost did a jig when they arrived at Treina’s house.

“Bye!” she said, and ran out of the gates along the sidewalk to her own house.

She got into her room and changed out of her uniform: long white robes and boots.

After she had donned a light blue T-shirt and jeans, she slipped out of her room and knocked on Nadel’s door.

“Who is it?” Asked his voice, which sounded strangely annoyed.

“Me, Cia! I’ll come back later if you’re…busy.”

“No, no, it’s fine!” replied Nadel hastily from inside. “Come in.”

Cia opened the door and walked in. Nadel was on his bed, looking out the window. Cia was surprised; Nadel was always active and cheery. Now he looked tired and lonely.

“What happened to you?” she asked.

“Nothing, why?”

His tone was so snappy, as if he just wanted her to leave quickly. Not Nadel at all.

“Something happened. You’re acting all weird.”

“I’m not!”

“You are.”

“I’m fine, okay?”

“Roye called me a dumb little donkey.”

“So what?”

“See? The real you would have gone and talked to Roye! The unreal you just said ‘so what?’

Cia realized she was being a little too rude to a guest, and hastily added: “Something might have happened, but it’s probably your business, and I’ll leave you to it.”

Then she exited his room and went into her own to do her homework.

When she was halfway through, Roye walked in and asked with a grin: “Lost a friend?”

“Shut up.”

“What’s happened to Nadel? Too fed up of his lil cousin?”

“He’s just a little stressed. Probably your doing.”

“No.”

“How else?”

“He’s been like that ever since he got home this morning.”

“He went out?”

“Yeah, before you went to school. He came back just a few hours before you did.”

“Maybe he was insulted by someone.”

“Whatever. He’s going out now again, and I wanna go to out with my pals.”

“See ya.”

“Bye.”

Roye left Cia’s room, and she bent her head over her scroll, scribbling away at a short story in Elfen to please her teacher.

Two hours later, when her homework was done, Cia opened her drawer and took out a golden hand-mirror and her wand. She tapped the mirror with her wand, thinking deeply of her father’s face. At first there was a lot of swirling purple mist in the mirror, but it cleared to reveal her father’s face.

“Dad?” asked Cia.

“Yes, sweetheart?” asked her father from inside the mirror.

“There’s a Duel today, can I go?”

“Yes, we’re all going.”

“All of us?”

“Yes, so don’t worry about it. Tell them to be ready by four.”

“Four sharp? It’s three thirty now! We won’t make it!”

“Yes we will, deary.”

“But Roye and Nadel have just gone out!”

“Together?”

“No, what about them?”

“Don’t worry. They’ll be there. Everyone’s going.”

“Fine.”

“Bye, darling.”

“Bye, dad.”

His face faded from the mirror, and Cia put it down.

* * *

Noise and crowds filled up the Duel stadium, and it was difficult for Cia to stick with her family, but she held tight to her father’s hand. When they had given in their tickets, they walked into the stadium, which took a long time considering the crowd. They got their places at the very top and prepared themselves for the match by talking animatedly about the teams.

“Vranem West’s team is good.” Said Cia’s dad.

“I hear that Saires North always have tricks up their sleeves though.” Said her mom.

“They’ve never played against each other before.”

“If Vranem West win, there’ll be a massive party at the King’s palace. I read the paper.”

The commentator’s voice sounded throughout the stadium and the crowd fell silent.

“Ladies and gentleman, let me welcome you to the Duel of the month! The teams playing will be Vranem West and Saires North. Now kindly welcome…Vranem West!”

Five players appeared on the field. They wore dark blue trousers and full-sleeved shirts. They were all carrying wands in their hands. An explosion of clapping, cheering and whistles erupted from the crowd.

The players bowed to them and straightened up as the commentator said: “And now, the Saires North team!”

Five more players appeared on the field. They wore the same clothes as the other team, except their clothing was dark red.

Dueling was played by firing spells at the opposing team, but it wasn’t simple. The spells required a lot of energy, so not everyone could perform a mighty spell.

A whistle sounded, and Cia watched eagerly as Ryan of Vranem West

stepped forward and aimed his wand at Derrick of Saires North.