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The Uprising
The Uprising

by Buscador! in Storybooks
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on November 13, 2006
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PowerSurge... he's a superhero

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Empress Kat   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 10:06 pm    Post subject: PowerSurge... he's a superhero Reply with quote

His power developed in adolescence, just as the electronics boom was beginning. Everyone owned a computer, the were not only in every household but just about in every room, and if you couldn’t navigate the internet, you couldn’t get by in society. This particular person was quite unlucky. Or at least he thought he was.

If it was the intense electricity in the air from living by a power plant, the magnetic field his house was on growing up, or perhaps the headphones he was listening to while in the womb, mutated cells waited in his body to activate.

When he had his first computer in high school he was glued to it, staring at the monitor hours on end, his face blue with its light. This began activating the dormant cells. Instead of converting food to energy the body could use, like other cells, these made energy that emanated from his body, disrupting any electrical feed around him, usually damaging electrical devices.

While his powers were developing all electrical devices around him began to malfunction. Batteries would die suddenly, lights would burn out faster, and worst of all, his computer never lasted longer than a month.

In an age when knowledge was at your fingertips, and instantaneous was the only way, computers were key.

Nobody was considered a computer nerd anymore. If you couldn’t understand the jargon, or refused to learn, you were the outcast, the dinosaur. But he had more than the average knowledge, and more than the average skill.

After graduating high school he attempted to build his own computer. Bought all the parts separately, and they were all the best. Despite his superior knowledge and skill, his computer never lasted. It couldn’t fight against the constant bombardment of disruptive energy he emitted. Power sources died, video cards fried, hard drives became corrupted, and he became more and more frustrated, he couldn’t understand what was happening.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 2:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Duhm duhm duhm. Is this the story you told me about?

It's cool. There's a typo in the second sentence though.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 5:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This isn't much of a story, but I like the concept, (not so sure of the plausibility, but he's a superhero.

Maybe we can see some chapter work?

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 5:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meh, I don't know. The concept seems a bit... meh.

I think I would have to see the way in which the power was used before I could make my decision on whether or not I liked it. Right now, not particularily.

The writing is a bit long-winded in places.

This piece can turn into one either really good, or really terrible. It all depends on what you want to make of it.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 3:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ooo. A challenge? We shall see about this when I get back.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:01 pm    Post subject: Re: PowerSurge... he's a superhero Reply with quote

Empress Kat wrote:
the were not only in every household but just about in every room,


Do you mean "they"? Not a big deal, just thought I would point that out, though.

Quote:
If it was the intense electricity in the air from living by a power plant, the magnetic field his house was on growing up, or perhaps the headphones he was listening to while in the womb, mutated cells waited in his body to activate.


You might want to consider revising this. It doesn't quite sound right. Maybe you should add the word "Maybe" in place of the word "If" at the beginning. It might sound better.



Quote:
While his powers were developing all electrical devices around him began to malfunction.


Nothing big here, but you could put a comma in there. While his powers were developing, all electrical devices around him began to malfunction. Like I said, nothing big. Just my personal thought, though.


Though, it does seem like you are just walking us through a little class and teaching us about him instead of telling us a story about him, it's a good concept for a story. Though the story isn't exactly my type of story, I think it has possibilities.


I don't know, I'm sure it will get better once you add some more. It just has a lack of action at the moment. That's all.

I think you can pull it off.

Write some more! Smile

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 16, 2006 11:46 pm    Post subject: Interesting Reply with quote

Not terribly innovative at the moment, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. After all, that's why so many people inspired by The Lord of the Rings (or any other huge, influential body of work) turned around and wrote similar stories and were able to become huge successes: if it worked before, it could probably work again, if done right. I'll read more if you post more!
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