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The Wrath of the Createspace Guy: A YWS Fanfic
The Wrath of the Createspace Guy: A YWS Fanfic
by Clo in Scripts
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on November 8, 2006
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the last letter

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Soldier boy jack   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 6:06 pm    Post subject: the last letter Reply with quote

Prologue: ( the last letter) (working title)

i awoke with a start, i had just dreamed that i was falling again, but this dream was different from all the others because it was really happening. It was really happening to my brother, Kai. My brother and i have a strange connection, if something happens to me, that night my brother would dream what had happened to me and the same with me.

It all started a year ago i had just turned 17 and my brother has just turned 19, when he got the letter, the letter that would change everything. Kai got a letter saying that he had to go to war. Little did i know that that day was the last time i would ever see my brother...Alive.


Last edited by Soldier boy jack on Thu Nov 09, 2006 5:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
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RoxanneR   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I like this start, but you should work on your grammer a lot.

Also, I always find that it's a lot easier to write about people who are an age close to you, because you don't know what it is like to be the age you are talking about.

Hope that helps!

RR*

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Soldier boy jack   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 6:45 pm    Post subject: ok Reply with quote
thanks roxanner but i normally write storys about boys as the main character and around my age but this time i wanted to push the boat out further
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Dargquon Ql'deleodna   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 7:27 pm    Post subject: Re: the last letter Reply with quote
These type of intro's where you write in first person are confusing and in a sense annoying. I have found out that stories written in first person tend to lack. Mainly they are confusing, yet also the Main character seems to lack emotion and it is hard to identify/express/explain the emotion of other main characters or sub characters when it is all from his or her (MC) point of view.

Its and interesting idea, i just think it should written differently for a more effective piece of writing. Also the little '...' part isn't needed, just put the alive right there.

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Dargquon Ql'deleodna: (n) "Dar-qu-on Kel-del-ode-na" something i made up that sounded cool, partially based off of the Drow Drizzt Do'Urden's name style
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Soldier boy jack   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
thanks i'll keep that it in mind

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:08 pm    Post subject: thanks Reply with quote
thank you every one who helped me with my grammar i really mean thanks because i know my grammar was and still is terrible but thanks for all the tips and things

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Fantasy of You   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Okay. Answer me something. Why should I bother helping you, when you don't bother to use basic grammar? And when I say basic grammar, I mean grammar that six year olds know.

Don't give me the 'I just don't get grammar' stuff. You know how to capitalise your sentences and use commas. So do so. And th other things, learn. I had to. So just do it. There's really no excuse for not.

-Fantasy

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This thread was created on November 8, 2006

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