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chapter 3: Escape by Night
chapter 3: Escape by Night

by Undercover_Ninja in Action/Adventure Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on November 8, 2006
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the closed window this story has now been updated a little

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Soldier boy jack   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:42 pm    Post subject: the closed window this story has now been updated a little Reply with quote

Prologue: The closed window (working title) (updated a little)

Dan stood in the open, window his heart racing, wondering if he would survive the night. Many dreadful, things were pounding in his head, as he left the window his reflection caught his eye, how he hated his looks, startlingly blue eyes, white blond hair and his pale skin, an albino. As he walked away from the mirror, he realized that he was no longer alone.

" Daniel, that was your last chance to be a z-file, you know the consequence of not obeying a direct order, don't you?," Michal's high pitched voice was propelled around the stone room, making it sound like there was 100 people in the room.



Last edited by Soldier boy jack on Thu Nov 09, 2006 5:28 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Soldier boy jack   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 5:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hi guys (and gals) just to say thanks for reading my very short prologue and i know i need to work on my grammar
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 6:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's not much to work on, but that can be expected as it's just a prologue. But still, it's pretty short.

Sorry, but again the grammer is really bad, for example capital letters at the beginning of sentences and where to put commas and all that stuff. I don't really want to get too bogged down in all that stuf for now, but just as a tip, work on it for next time.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks again for the help but i'm going to blame it all on my English classes because we never get to work on grammar.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 10:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You could always ask a teacher for extra classes/books to help or your parents.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 11:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Most grammar mistakes here could be easily spotted by the spell check on microsoft word. It's my saviour for when I'm lazy and can't be bothered checking though it myself.

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Soldier boy jack   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 09, 2006 4:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks for the help on grammar

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