Young Writers Society - Darkness Falls

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by chamberlainj in Dramatic Poetry


	Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry

This thread was created on January 29, 2005

Darkness Falls

Topic ID: 1089

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frogs_legs112
New Member

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Age: 19
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
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300 Points

Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 8:20 am Post subject: Darkness Falls

As Darkness falls, My hate rises, i cut to make the pain go away. The bloods running down my arm, dripping to the floor, the pain is soothing. My hearts beating slower and slower. No one's there waiting for me at the end of the light, no one even knows I'm there...

Incandescence
If you've nothing nice to say, come sit with me.
Epic Novelist

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Age: 19
Joined: 22 Nov 2004
Posts: 3023
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430 Points

Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 2:42 pm Post subject:

Ack! Steer away from poems about suicide, or may God help you. Because you are a new writer, I am not going to say too much, because I've nothing to really compare this to, but know that I absolutely loathe poems about suicide and will rip into them. And this is no excpetion. Just for your own future reference.
_________________ "If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson

Chevy
science, again.
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Age: 18
Joined: 21 Nov 2004
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300 Points

Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 5:05 am Post subject:

Well, I read your song and it was amazing. I don't really like this one as much because it's depressing, cliche, and the whole shebang. I really liked your song though--that was absolutely amazing. Maybe you should stick with song writing.
_________________ "I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case." - A Seperate Peace (John Knowles)

Myriadne
Writer

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Age: 21
Joined: 21 Nov 2004
Posts: 74
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Country: Auckland, New Zealand
300 Points

Posted: Tue Feb 01, 2005 2:38 am Post subject:

Suicide poems need to be undertaken very very carefully, they can be good if approached in the right way, however more often than not they end up tacky cliched or whingy sounding. Yours fits into the cliched catergory, I see potential here though so maybe you should try your hand at different subject matter.
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nickelpickle
Speaker of the Forum

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Age: 18
Joined: 18 Dec 2004
Posts: 600
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Country: In my only little world
300 Points

Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 3:02 am Post subject: ..

didnt like it...too many other poems on it, try song writing (you are really good at it!)

hekategirl
An Angel with an Edge
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Age: 14
Joined: 03 Feb 2005
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300 Points

Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 6:13 am Post subject: your song

I didn't realize it was a song at first. But then after few reads got it. I actaully like poems/songs about suicide. I don't know why but I do and this was very good. Your very good at song writing.

This thread was created on January 29, 2005	Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry	All times are GMT
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This thread was created on January 29, 2005

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