Topic ID: 1053
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Emma
the wee dafty
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 Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 4:59 pm Post subject: A poem without a meaning |
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I stand alone,
My bag rubbing against my back,
my hair flying infront of my face,
My legs weak,
My heart thumping,
My breathing beating,
Envy piled onto of me,
No-one would fill me with such pain,
Nor such desire,
Though I will no more get bullied,
Though I would no more get hurt,
My feelings means nothing,
Nor does this poem. |
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Chevy
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| Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:41 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I don't think this poem lacked meaning, in fact, I thought it was really good...I really enjoyed it actually. I just think you should probably like, add another stanza or two and it'll be a lot better.  Either way, it was a good poem and I liked it. |
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"I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
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Emma
the wee dafty
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| Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 4:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Hey thanx, but my work is no way NEAR as good as yours. Im glad you liked it Im normally rubbish at poems. |
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Chevy
science, again.
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| Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 7:42 am Post subject: |
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| Emma wrote: |
| Hey thanx, but my work is no way NEAR as good as yours. Im glad you liked it Im normally rubbish at poems. |
OMG...I am flattered...you made my day!  But you're a good poet too...don't talk about your stuff...it just takes a lot of practice and critiquing. |
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"I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
- A Seperate Peace (John Knowles) |
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electricbluemonkey
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| Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2005 1:30 am Post subject: |
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A poem without meaning?! But this was one of the most meaningful poems I ever read!
If you don't know the meaning, I'll just take a wild guess, its what you feel, what you want, and all the things you go through trying to get/do something.
Well, anyway, it was a really good poem, not great, but pretty decent. The shortness made me stick to reading it and the flow was great. Very good poem. |
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Emma
the wee dafty
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Country: Scotland
235 Points
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| Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2005 7:45 am Post subject: |
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Wow, this is like... amazing.
Seriously, I was expecting critz. I thought I couldn't do poems... Oh well.
THANXS. |
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nickelpickle
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 3:55 am Post subject: ... |
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my hair flying infront of my face,
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Maybe 'flying out in front of my face.'
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My breathing beating,
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Too many ing words. My breath beating sounds better.
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Envy piled onto of me,
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Great personification!
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Though I will no more get bullied,
Though I would no more get hurt,
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Its choppy... Maybe 'though i will get bullied no more, and i will not get hurt.' You went from future to past...
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My feelings means nothing,
Nor does this poem. |
my feelings mean nothing (no s)
Despite my crit, I loved it. Very well written, your best yet! |
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Emma
the wee dafty
Epic Novelist
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Age: 17
Joined: 25 Jan 2005
Posts: 2663
Reviews: 681
Country: Scotland
235 Points
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 7:37 am Post subject: |
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| Thank you, when I try to make my next poem which be like soon, someday... I will remember to take those into considaration. |
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hekategirl
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| Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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| It seemed meaningful to me, actaully very meaningful. Actually VERY VERY meaningful!! It was great! I loved it. |
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Lollipop
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| Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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Great Emma, you won't get a lot of critz for this because it's so good!  |
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KinkyMonkey
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| Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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  Ur poem was good but it lacked monkies hehe lol im HYPER no ur poem was good |
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