Topic ID: 1010
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Galatea
ti'wari Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 22 Joined: 24 Nov 2004 Posts: 2121 Reviews: 128 Country: summerland 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 8:21 am Post subject: 100% marshmellow fluff--with a bit of flare |
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Sure, it's lyric poetry, why not?
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People oft grow together slowly,
As trees reach across an old stone wall,
Entangling roots and crossing slender branches
Till one can barely tell twixt the tangle
Which comes from which.
And thou'st become part of my life slowly,
As music, oft played, lives in the heart,
Shaping its surroundings to its beauty,
Mirroring the sanctum of its source.
I've come to this realization slowly,
As a deer stands at a clearing, nostrils wide,
Quivers rippling down its delicate legs,
Eyes resigned as lakes await the wind.
Say, my gentle friend,
What thou must tell me slowly,
Whither my love is also thine, as the sun
Rises or sets over a tranquil valley,
Filling the heart with more than it can hold. |
_________________ We bring you Good News, by Word of mouth!
For now that Spring Time's born,
The Sun is coming up from the South,
With Oak and Ash and Thorn! |
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Sabine
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 19 Jan 2005 Posts: 78 Reviews: 30 Country: the present 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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| very beautiful. tranquil. I enjoyed your use of the language.there's something oblique and undefined about it, which is god and bad, depeding on your perspective. it's enjoyable but doesn't creat a very large reaction. A bit of Renoir in the midst of Picasso and Mondrian and Hayoa Miazaki. Renoir is my favorite impressionist, all that light. this poem evoke the feling of spring light. |
_________________ "magic is a flick of the wrist, a shaft of light in an empty room
it is the permanence of objects
in endings and transformations
and the flicker of movement, half seen
from the corner of your eye" |
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QiGuaiGongFu
Elected Representative of Small, Furry creatures Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 24 Joined: 16 Dec 2004 Posts: 2736 Reviews: 67
300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2005 1:03 am Post subject: |
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Uhm, this is Galatea replying from a different computer:
Yay! Thank you so much for using an art comparison I understood! You are my hero, Sabine.
I was just playing with words here, really. It was. . . especially inspired, however.
Thankies! |
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QiGuaiGongFu
Elected Representative of Small, Furry creatures Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 24 Joined: 16 Dec 2004 Posts: 2736 Reviews: 67
300 Points
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Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2005 9:44 pm Post subject: |
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i love it gal!!
(this is actually me this time. me as in me me, not me as in the me that was me the night before, because that wasnt me, that was a different me, as in... not me. ok it was gal.) |
_________________ For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- HL Mencken
Lie together like butt.
Presenting the GFuture, soon to be the Gnow, reality presented by Google.
Welcome to GEarth.
~Baske in the randomness~ |
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Liz
Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 22 Nov 2004 Posts: 493 Reviews: 321 Country: The land down under 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 1:59 am Post subject: |
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| I quite like it, but I agree with Sabine: it's kind of meaningless and doesn't convey much of a point. However, the language and images are beautiful, so that more than makes up for it. Great work. |
_________________ purple sneakers |
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Meshugenah
kicking plot into submission Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 2885 Reviews: 346 Country: Essayville. 663 Points
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Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 2:36 am Post subject: |
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aw, gal, i love it too. and why does poetry always have to have a meaning? jw..
| Quote: |
People oft grow together slowly,
As trees reach across an old stone wall,
Entangling roots and crossing slender branches
Till one can barely tell twixt the tangle
Which comes from which. |
excellent analogy. |
_________________ ***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)
@(^_^)@ Got YWS? |
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Firestarter
rear-admiral of the RED Site Admin

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 6291 Reviews: 986 Country: Albion 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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W-o-w.
Great as always, Gal. |
_________________ and if you promise to stay conscious
i will try and do the same
yeah, we might die from medication
but we sure killed all the pain |
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CK Lynn
Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 353 Reviews: 221 Country: United States 399 Points
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Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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| This was awsome. No grammar mistakes or spelling mistake that I could find, and the old English words really added a nice ambiance and belivability to the feeling of it. THe commas are kind of distracting though, maybe fewer would be better. |
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