Note: some names have been changed...all right, all, or most.

[pre:88cf893dc3] Just before dinner, the preparatory clatter of dishes and silverware could be heard in the kitchen. The evening sun knifed into the kitchen, bright gold in contrast to dark shadows. From the stove, Mom scooped a ladle of spaghetti onto each plate. I filled two glasses with milk, and Searria set the silverware out onto the table. Dad and Mom each carried the plates to the table, and we sat down and said grace. Steam curled from the spaghetti; it smelled meaty and tomato-y. I hungrily delved my fork into the pasta, but Dad stopped me. He was smiling widely at Searria and I, at Mom, and she smiled too. "Your mom and I have some news," Dad said.[/pre:88cf893dc3]

I laid down my fork. "Good news or bad news?" I asked.

Dad chuckled. "It depends on how you take it," he said. Uh-oh. Searria and I exchanged wary glances.

"We're not moving!" I exclaimed. Dad had always hoped to teach at a four-year college, and I had held the secret fear of moving.

But Dad laughed, and said, "No."

Searria and I focused our attentions on him. I felt breath catch in my throat as I waited for the news. I wasn't prepared for it when it came.

"You're going to have a new brother or sister." Dad was smiling. Mom had a half-grin on her face. I looked back and forth between them. They waited nervously for a reation. Shock, an unfamiliar numbness, struck me dumb and incapable of response. My mind, like a scratched record, replayed that phrase over and over. New brother or sister, new brother or sister...It felt like an outrageous dream. My family had been a foursome for ten years; it had seemed concrete. I had almost finished middle school, Searria was ten already, and my mom had just celebrated her forty-fourth birthday. She was going to have a baby?

"...What?" I managed to stammer.

Searria burst into tears. "It's my fault!" she wailed.

The rest of us stared. "Why?"

"Because," she gasped between sobs, "I've been praying for a little brother or sister. I wanted to be an older sister!"

My dad looked anxious and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Searria," he said, laughing slightly. "It's not a bad thing."

"I know, I just don't know what else to do," she said.

"It's just a surprise, isn't it?" Dad said. He seemed relieved.

Mom started laughing, and I joined in, feeling stunned.

Dad turned to me, and said, "Do you remember when you told me about that dream you had?"

I thought back. At breakfast a few weeks ago, I told Dad about my dreamt hat Mom had had a baby boy, and we were trying to pick out a name. My memory went reeling in reverse. I remembered my mom foldly reminiscing of my sister's and my baby days. Dad had picked me up at school that day, because Mom had had a doctor's appointment, and now I knew why.

"Now," my dad said. "We need to keep this as a family secret for a while."

"We don't know the baby's okay yet," Mom added.

I struggled to digest the news, as my parents continued talking. They had known about the baby for two weeks and haden't told us. Too dumbstruck, they said, to even talk about it between them. Dad had been a surprise, too. Aunt Virginia on my Mom's side of the family had been unexpected. Maybe it ran in the family.

Finally, I glanced up at the clock. In ten minutes, I needed to be at rehearsal for our city's Youth Symphony. "Time to go," I said. My spaghetti sat cold and untouched on the table as Mom and I trooped out the door with my violin.

~

At ASYO, I couldn't focus. My fingers fumbled over the strings. I played without a thought to the music. What notes were played? How many measures of rest? I didn't know. I kept repeating "Mom is pregnant" in my head, but I couldn't believe it.

My friend David noticed my absent-mindedness. "Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.

I glanced up. "Yeah," I said absently. My mind was still awhirl, and the back of my throat prickled. I thought my cheeks must be flushed with excitement. David watched me expectantly and I wanted to tell him, but I had made a promise. "I can't tell you right now," I said.

His eyes scanned my face for a moment, as if he might find an answer there. He didn't press me, though. David never rushed me. "...All right," he said, lifting his cello case onto his back.

~

Secrets are hard to keep. Walking down the hall with my friends, my mind wandered. Vaguely, I registered that my friends, Janel, Jessica, David, and Becca carried on discussions. Jessica was animated and imitating a movie, or relating tales of her older brother, Derrick. What would you think if I had a brother? I wanted to ask. Janel had two younger siblings. What is it like? But would they be curious at such questions? Would they pick up on the secret if I started talking about that? I needed to tell someone about it, but we were sworn to secrecy. So I forced myself to wait. If my whole family could keep a secret, why couldn't I?

~

One night, I was reading, when my dad's voice broke through my thoughts. I looked up and saw my dad talking on the cell-phone. "...we were surprised. We didn't talk to each other for weeks! Well, my brother and I are twelve years apart...I was a surprise. And Cathy had a sister..."

I shut my book, listening in growing indignation. He was telling someone about the baby!

"Who were you talking to?" I demanded crossly when he had finished.

"Oh, my friend Galen," he said.

"I thought we weren't supposed to tell anyone," I said pointedly.

Dad shook his head. He didn't care that he had broken the oath. "He lives in Colorado, Jacquie, who's he going to tell?"

I shrugged. Inside, I was boiling with anger. He wasn't the only one who needed to tell someone. I thought we were dealing with the surprise together, that we were all following the same rules...

~

A few months later, Jessica, Janel and I struggled to walk around the CMS football field, as the Texas Panhandle wind sandblasted us. I could feel grit grinding into my skin and hair. Jessie was her bubbly self, and Janel was laughing.

I couldn't stand it anymore. "I have a secret I want to tell you!" I burst out.

Janel and Jessica broke off their conversations to look at me. "What?"

"I...can't tell you until I get back from New York," I said sheepishly. For about five days, our family would tour New York with my dad's choir. About this time, my mom was approaching her first trimester. When she did, I could tell my firnes.

I clapped my hands. "It's really exciting!"

Jessie glanced at Janel quizzically, her blue eyes wide. Janel shrugged. She didn't know either. "What?" Jessie repeated.

"Guess!" I said. "You won't believe me."

An elaborate guessing game followed. I would occasionally drop a tantalizing hint, and their guesses became hilariously imaginative.

"Home Makeover is coming to remodel your home."

"Close," I said, trying to keep a straight face. "We are getting an addition...but not that."

"Why can't you tell us?" Janel begged.

"I promised. I'll tell you on Monday," I said.

"We'll keep guessing," Jessica promised.

"Urgh! I want to know what it is!" Janel complained.

"Not yet..." I teased.

~

"Okay, we think we have it!" Jessie said Monday in the locker room. "You brought back Josh Groban from New York and he's going to remodel your house."

Janel laughed quietly behind her.

"Okay, I'll tell you," I said.

"Yes! Tell us!" Jessica said earnestly.

I hesitated. Could it possibly be less of a surprise than I thought? "You won't believe me," I said. I took a deep breath and smiled. "My mom's pregnant."

Jessica's smile froze, and slipped uncertainly. She searched my face, then laughed. "You're joking," she concluded.

"No, I'm not!"

"Really?" she asked doubtfully.

"Really."

The loud outburst of laughter from Jessica caused several people to turn around. "An addition--I get it!"

Janel giggled.

~

Finally, the secret was out. Relief at having told someone can be described as blissful. Other people, not as awed as my family or Janel and Jessica, already knew. the secret had spread through the neighborhood in the long-reaching roots of gossip. Our mailman asked my mom is she was expecting because "That's what the neighborhoods's saying." Life is full of surprises. The story has only begun. I can't wait for the baby to arrive!

10/30/05