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Stars, pt. 2
Stars, pt. 2

by Jiggity in Science-Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Non-Fiction

This thread was created on December 18, 2005
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Losing and Gaining (a best friend)

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 6:42 pm    Post subject: Losing and Gaining (a best friend) Reply with quote

I awoke to the normal aroma of fresh coffee and toasting blueberry english muffins. I lay in bed, hungry. My desire to get up was strong but not strong enough. I had to wait until my body woke too. Finally, after minutes of thinking, i pulled my feet to the ground of my old room. Bumping my head on the top bunk, i shuffled to the door. I staggering to through the hallway and down the stairs. i entered the kitchen, eyes on the warm food. I plopped down on a 70's style dining chair and grabbed a clean, blood-red plate from the middle of the table. I piled all the breakfast food i liked on the plate and began eating.

"How was your sleep?" my mom asked me.

"Good, how was yours?" I answered.

"It was okay, but I heard barking all night."

"Thats strange, our neighbors don't have a dog." I looked down at plate to see i had eaten it all. I rose from the table and headed for the door to the outside.

"Where are you going?" my dad asked finally taking his eyes off the newspaper.

"Garadge." and I opened the screen door and skipped toward the garadge. But as I was opening the door, I heard a bark from the street. Curious, i turned around and headed for the street.

I saw nothing until i peeked under a car parked on the side of the road. Under it was a puppy, about 8 weeks with a shiney black and grey coat.

Instantly, I tried cooeing the puppy over. "Here puppy, come here puppy, it's okay." surprisingly, the puppy crawled over and curled into my arms. I stood up up and closely examined the puppy.

It was a he, and it seemed on the skinney side. He had no tags so i figured he was a stray. He was defineitly a mutt, with his pointy gray ears and tiny gray paws. Other than that, he was a shiney, yet dirty black.

"Let's get you cleaned up." I told him. He then wagged his bony tail a little. I couldn't help but smile.

"Please, can we keep him? He has no other place to go and he needs me, I need him." I begged my parents as they examined the puppy.

"Sorry honey, but we're already getting you a dog for Christmas and we can't handle two."

"But I want this one, please."

"The answer is no, but we'll keep him for a week or so and we'll get him cleaned up during that time."

"OK, i guess." I answered, bummed. I really wanted the puppy.

Those next few days were great. I had never had so much fun. I named the puppy Clyde because he remined me of my uncle who had passed on not too long ago. Everyday after school, the now fat mutt would greet me with the biggest smile and the most active tail, at the gate. I would open the gate and Clyde would jump into my arms and we would play for hours.

He really was my best friend.

Each day he got closer and closer to a new home, when one day I came home he wasn't there.

"Where's Clyde?" I asked my mom frantically.

"Oh, honey, and old couple came and picked him up while you were at school." she replied.

I went up stairs and ran into my old room sobbing. I had lost my best friend.

The next few days were blank, all I could think about was my Clyde. On friday, my mom picked me up. It was Christmas break and this Christmas I would get some dog i would never love as I had loved Clyde.

My parents told me my new dog would be better and i would always say, "Clyde was the best though."

On Christmas Eve, I went to bed crying. Tomorrow I would get a dog that would try to replace my Clyde. During the night, I swear I could feel him jump into my bed and curl up with me like he always did.

In the morning I awoke to the normal aroma of fresh coffee and toasting blueberry english muffins. But i also smelled that puppy, the one i was forced to have. But then as I was moving my feet to get up, I felt something warm like in my dream. I looked up and saw him. There was Clyde, with a big red bow, the biggest smile and the most active tail. My best friend was back.


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LoveHorseshoe79 (4:28:03 PM): the worst thing is to make someone you love miserable because they are so scared to like someone else because you are always hovering over them

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ummcowsareawesome   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:18 pm    Post subject: PLEASE RESPOND Reply with quote

PLEASE RESPOND TO MY WRITING!!!!!!!!!

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LoveHorseshoe79 (4:28:03 PM): the worst thing is to make someone you love miserable because they are so scared to like someone else because you are always hovering over them

Yes, I know, I'm very wise and knowing.
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Firestarter   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have waited an hour and a half for responses. Please leave at least a couple of days for people to respond, otherwise you are just being silly.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Work on grammar and spelling. Also, try to describe a little more; this was pretty rushed because of that. Honestly, it was kind of dull. Try to spice it up a bit by writing more about certain details.
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have to agree with emotion_less, it seemed hurried and needed more spice in the vocabulary. Other than that, reformat so it's easier to read here. I think you will find that if you reformat, more people will read your work because it's easier to read.

I think though that if you did both of those things, it would be a vastly better piece.

The things I did like were -

1. the description at the begining about going down and having breakfast.
2. Clyde...sucker for puppies...

I hope this helped.

Fauste

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2005 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK firstly i second what everybodys said, including Firestarter. You need to give it a little time before you expect people to reply. Log off the computer if you have to so you can resist the urge to keep checking to see if anybodies posted.

Right now something of my own, this is a sweet story. It reminds me of how i got my dog, but that's a long and extremely boring story so I'm not getting into it!

But its sweet and workable, puppies are always a good universal subject, everybody likes puppies!

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This thread was created on December 18, 2005

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