Topic ID: 4232
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Micah
Wait for the opportune moment...mate
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 Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:28 am Post subject: Hidden reality |
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Hidden Reality
This world isn’t simple to me, anymore
It was only a complex idea thought before
That someone dreamed up when life was a bore
Can’t you see all the pain, the sadness and fear?
A world filled with war, destruction and tears
This is reality, but nobody cares
People believe war is too far away
Besides, what do we think we can do anyway?
It should be just fine, or so they all say
But reality will never be kept far at bay
For humanity relies on a truth day by day
Except it is masked so we learn it the hard way
Excluding the few who see life as a path,
The hardship and joy, go together with love
Aside of our knowledge, they come from above
Some choose to believe what they know, as a shield
Seeing life through blind eyes, never wanting to yield
Who knows what this planet called earth will succumb to?
We determine the future, blend old with the new |
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The book to read is not the one which thinks for you, but the one which makes you think. No book in the world equals the Bible for that.
Harper Lee
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Boni_Bee
An old fashioned girl
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| Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 1:18 am Post subject: |
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| very interesting! Not my fave poem, but I think it's a pretty good effort, although the rhyming after the second verse was a bit forced, as a lot of the words ended with 'ay' |
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forest_ofthe_nightingale
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 1:17 am Post subject: |
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| I think this is a good poem. It really hit me and I was like "yeah, I completely agree with that." but I don't quite understand the phrase "It was only a complex idea thought before". Maybe I don't quite get what you're saying, but why don't you just say "It was only a complex idea before"? Anyway, good work. |
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Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake... unless it's to remind him that he won't fail... he just won't kill you. |
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Doubt
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 6:06 am Post subject: |
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| It really does get the point across well. It's quite straigt-forward (which isn't my favourite style) but I think that worked well in this case. It's strong and assertive. Well done. |
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Micah
Wait for the opportune moment...mate
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| Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 12:51 am Post subject: |
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Wow, thanks you guys!!
I'm glad the point got through.
~Micah |
_________________
The book to read is not the one which thinks for you, but the one which makes you think. No book in the world equals the Bible for that.
Harper Lee
My sites:
http://www.wyattmuseum.com/
http://www.cafechrist.com/ |
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Snoink
*glub*
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| Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:05 am Post subject: |
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Checking back on your old poems, eh? 
I like the other one better. It was a lot more descriptive. This seems to be an effort for a rhyming poem, but it doesn't really flow well, and some of the rhymes don't rhyme at all, without a heavy accent anyway.
Come on! I know you have it in you! |
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Leopluridon '08: He Will Show Us The Way! |
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Micah
Wait for the opportune moment...mate
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Country: New Zealand
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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Gee, thanks snoink!!
And yeah, I was checking back after two months leave!! Lol  |
_________________
The book to read is not the one which thinks for you, but the one which makes you think. No book in the world equals the Bible for that.
Harper Lee
My sites:
http://www.wyattmuseum.com/
http://www.cafechrist.com/ |
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