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by Incandescence in Dramatic Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Non-Fiction

This thread was created on December 7, 2005
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Why do you want to do this?

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ladydark   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 12:11 am    Post subject: Why do you want to do this? Reply with quote

She curled up at his feet, weeping. ''Why do you want to do this? Have I done something wrong?''

He stepped back from her, showing disgust at her tears.''What have you done... it's more of what haven't you done. Why won't you come with me, why won't you do what I want you to do?''

She covered her face with her hands, ''I do not wish to... it's not right. I was mistaken, you aren't who I thought you were... you're just an abuser...''

He kicked her hard, she yelped and rolled away from him. Standing up she stared at him, hurt reflecting in her eyes. ''You truly are a smart girl aren't you, well then... I guess I don't have a choice, since you aren't willing, I will just make you.''

He leaped at her, shoving her down to the ground, he tore at her clothes. She resisted, trying hard to get away from him, ''NO! PLEASE! HELP!.... SOMEONE HELP ME!'' she screamed.

He slapped her hard across the mouth, breaking her jaw. ''Shut up wench, there is no one here to help you now.''

He tore off her shirt and bra, caressing her form, he moved his hands up to her breasts and started to feel the smooth skin. Trembling she tried to get away from him, but strength was draining out of her body. His hands explored her exposed skin, smiling insanely at her terrified expression, reached down and slid off the rest of her clothing. She resisted with the last of her strength, but he was too powerful, there was no one around, no one would know... until it was too late...

Another rape in this world, another life lost to the over powering drive of sex and torture and perverted minds. Another person lost, and certainly, not the last...



Last edited by ladydark on Thu Dec 08, 2005 9:34 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Dargquon Ql'deleodna   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow, this is a good peice of work, descriptive, and real, i didnt find any gramatical errors, (my grammar in being bad may be the reason for that), if this is a story keep writing , and if it isnt very good job, i hope that this might open up the eyes of some person out there.

ladydark wrote:
He tore off her shirt and bra, caressing her form, he moved his hands up to her breasts and stared to feel the smooth skin.


i think you mean started not stared



also try seperating the dialauge, it makes it a little confusing when it is in one paragraph

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Dargquon Ql'deleodna: (n) "Dar-qu-on Kel-del-ode-na" something i made up that sounded cool, partially based off of the Drow Drizzt Do'Urden's name style
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Elizabeth   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

He slapped her hard across the mouth, breaking her jaw.

Hard slap.

Kinda sick.... VERY sick...
More paragraphs needed.... yeah...

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very dark and ...I thought it was VERY good, but in a guilty sort of way...
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This thread was created on December 7, 2005

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