Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Young Writers Society
News:  
Must Read: No Chat-Speak

Happy Thanksgiving!
  Young Writers Society - Community Forums For Young Writers
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Secrets of the Unfaithful {3}
Secrets of the Unfaithful {3}
by Angel of Death in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Narrative Poetry

This thread was created on November 6, 2005
Post new topic   Reply to topic		 Digg It Del.icio.us


El 'Mo'

Topic ID: 5646
 View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Caligula's Launderette   View This User's Portfolio
the extemp queen
Master of the Forum

498
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 21
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 2328
Reviews: 498
Country: how should I know, I don't even know where my socks are half the time?
300 Points
PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 8:24 pm    Post subject: El 'Mo' Reply with quote 
There is a dark skinned cowboy

who runs the mexican ridges of 

the Tiajuana river valley

his pointed boot spurs glinting in the sun

his hat tipped just so

and the Gauchos have a name for

this epitome of the west

El 'Mo'



------------------------



based of a guy I know. 



cheers CL

_________________
Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket.
[Diefenbaker whines]
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.

Got YWS?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address MSN Messenger
Tríona   View This User's Portfolio
Writer

39
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 17
Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 57
Reviews: 39
Country: In between a rock and a hard place
300 Points
PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey! This is quite nice! Wink

It shows what can be done in the minimum of words. I liked the subtle imagery too. It flows effortlessly! Razz

Nothing much is technically wrong with it. I have only one small nit to pick though:

Quote:
who runs the mexican ridges of
the Tiajuana river valley


I think this should be capitalised. But this is insignificant.

Fab! Very Happy

_________________
Bright is the ring of words
When the right man rings them,
Fair the fall of songs
When the singer sings them.
Still they are carolled and said -
On wings they are carried-
After the singer is dead
And the maker buried.

Robert Louis Stevenson
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Caligula's Launderette   View This User's Portfolio
the extemp queen
Master of the Forum

498
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 21
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 2328
Reviews: 498
Country: how should I know, I don't even know where my socks are half the time?
300 Points
PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 4:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
thankies dear, I'll think about the capitalization

CL

_________________
Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket.
[Diefenbaker whines]
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.

Got YWS?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address MSN Messenger
Superfreakazoid   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

21
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 17
Joined: 07 Mar 2005
Posts: 33
Reviews: 21
Country: California
300 Points
PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
This is an awesome piece, the format makes it flow so magnificently. It's quite a clever piece, using few words to get a point across. I like it a lot.

_________________
E-mail: allergictowonderbread@yahoo.com
Blog: http://everythinganythingnothing.blogspot.com
AIM: afrizzlethunder
YIM: allergictowonderbread
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/laughingfoolio
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Caligula's Launderette   View This User's Portfolio
the extemp queen
Master of the Forum

498
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 21
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 2328
Reviews: 498
Country: how should I know, I don't even know where my socks are half the time?
300 Points
PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Thank you Superfreakazoid, I'm glad you liked it. Smile

cheers CL

_________________
Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket.
[Diefenbaker whines]
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.

Got YWS?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address MSN Messenger
Fireweed   View This User's Portfolio
Speaker of the Forum

324
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Jun 2005
Posts: 647
Reviews: 324
Country: U.S... Alaska, to be precise
300 Points
PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 1:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
i like this alot, nice and short, puts a vivid picture in my mind... it made me smile. i like how the rhyme is really subtle and casual; i think its really hard to make rhyming effective and not get in the way of the poems message, but you did it really well.

_________________
No blinding light
No tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
zelithon   View This User's Portfolio
Official Bestest Like my avatar? me too
Master of the Forum

241
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 08 Oct 2005
Posts: 1004
Reviews: 241
Country: the land of fruits and nuts AKA California
300 Points
PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 1:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
I liked it I liked the witty El'Mo line at the end the most.

_________________
Adults are just obsolete children, and to hell with them!
-Dr.Suess

Deadpanners are backtalkers!

badonkadonk
Atheism is a non phophet organisation
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address
Caligula's Launderette   View This User's Portfolio
the extemp queen
Master of the Forum

498
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 21
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 2328
Reviews: 498
Country: how should I know, I don't even know where my socks are half the time?
300 Points
PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 6:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
heheh... I think I will give this to EL Mo for a christmas present.

thanks guys. CL

_________________
Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket.
[Diefenbaker whines]
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.

Got YWS?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address MSN Messenger
Snoink   View This User's Portfolio
Snuggly
Writer of Legend

2138
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 20
Joined: 02 Apr 2005
Posts: 8723
Reviews: 2138
Country: USA
2055 Points
PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
That would be an awesome Christmas present! He'll like it a lot. Smile

_________________
"So, Obama calls McCain erratic. Well, I call Obama a squirrel." -- Rush Limbaugh

Video Critiques by Yours Truly. Wink
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on November 6, 2005
Post new topic   Reply to topic		    Young Writers Society Forum Index » Narrative Poetry All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on November 6, 2005

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh. - Homer Simpson
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society