Topic ID: 5200
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sabradan
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 Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 4:18 am Post subject: New Beginning |
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This is my first song Im posting. Im not very good at lyric writing, so be gentle!
chords are G, Em, C, G, and D and the order changes around every other line, to exclude the D and replace it wiht a G. Strumming pattern is basically normal D/U/D 8th notes.
New Beginning
By: Dan Sanders
Its a new beginning
a new slate, and no mistakes
Sieze the day, they say
Carpe Diem, and I believe that its true
Time for a new lease on life
the Olds gone and in with the new
Out with the old me and in with the new one
In with the new and old with the old, its true
These words I promise you
Chorus:
I know I made so many mistakes
but time heals all my wounds
and I have this side of eternity
to make a new day and a new beginning
I stand silently, looking at the stars
Dont waste your life sieze they day they say
we made mistakes
but whats done is done
dont go cryin' over 'em
There a future and a better tomorrow
dont you ever forget that
Life's one grand adventure
Just keep on playin' till that final curtain call
Chorus
Fade to instrumental, fade out. |
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niteowl
I'm an ol' king bee, honey,
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, I'm horrible at critiquing, but I am good at spotting typos.
2nd stanza fourth line: In with the new and old with the old? I believe the first old was supposed to be out? Unless of course that was intentional. In which case, I guess I'm just too stupid to get it. Personally, I think you should get rid of this line. It's just useless cliched repetition of what you just said. Attaching the "it's true" to the third line would work better.
2nd verse, second line: "Sieze they day they say." I'm assuming you mean the?
To end this short and virtually useless review on a happy note, I liked the chorus. I thought it was really pretty. |
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Biro and Compass
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| Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:57 pm Post subject: |
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Just to add to niteowl's critique..."Sieze" should be "seize"; you're also missing a few apostrophes, check those again.
It's a good idea, and I think, although it does need some editing, it's well carried out overall. The one thing that really confused me is that "Carpe Diem" part; I'm not sure if it's something I should know and I've just got stupid o'clock brain-melt or if it's some sort of inside-thing, but either way, the confusion for me broke the rhythm.
But overall, yeah, tis good. I liked it. |
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Amice
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| Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 12:54 am Post subject: |
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Wow it's been a month since the last post on this one... sorry I'm late 
I do believe carpe diem is Latin, and it means "sieze the day". It seemed a little awkward making its little appearance in this song though.
| Quote: |
Time for a new lease on life
the Olds gone and in with the new
Out with the old me and in with the new one
In with the new and old with the old, its true
These words I promise you |
These three lines were a little too repetetive for the simple thought (a good one! but simple) you were repeatedly trying to get across.
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| I stand silently, looking at the stars |
Where does this fit in? It could be eliminated or you could elaborate more on it.
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| Just keep on playin' till that final curtain call |
...final...curtain...fall, maybe?
What caught my attention (the title, of course) and demands two thumbs up is the POSITIVE stimulus. I've noticed that a lot of my posts, and a majority of YWS, are negative, or depressing conceptions/poems/story lines. So I am grateful for something a tad more cheery 
Thanks sabradan!
-Amice- |
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