Young Writers Society

Dear Inspiration,

I am writing to request the whereabouts of your presence, following your recent dissapearance I have - to put it bluntly - not had any Inspiration.

I have to ask; are you on holiday? Why? Don't you like your job? Is it because I use you too much? Do I... Need to take you to the repair shop? I'd be happy to. All you have to do is ask, I've looked around and it doesn't cost that much, just a few of my brain cells. Or maybe it's because you feel you are mistreated, I haven't ever done anything that bad to you, have I? Oh, wait, if it was the time I used your idea to kill off your favourite character, then I'm sorry, truly. Maybe there'll be a sequel, one with him as the main character. Do you like that idea?
I guess the only other possible answer is, that you're... yo-you're dead. Does Inspiration die? I think, that if I never get your reply, then it does. Inspiration dies.

But it can't. There isn't an Inspiration replacement shop that I know of. I doubt that any other writers have heard of one either. If you really have died... Then I guess I'll never write again, because nothing I write will ever be worth anything without you by my side. Without you giving me the next brilliant idea,and me claiming it as my own as I pour the essence of your Inspiration into words, without you whispering new plots and suggestions into my ears annoyingly whilst I'm in the middle of a climax, without you guiding my stories every step of the way whether you like them or not, as a writer I am nothing.

Please don't let it be true, at least reply if you won't come back, at least let me know, and not suffer the pain of not knowing for eternity. Or... If I'm lucky, you'll come back. You'll forgive me for whatever terrible thing I've done. Or, stupidly you're on your way right now, and you'll say to me; "I was only out buying cheese." and laugh while you hug me. I'll reply; "Oh I missed you so much, could you give me an idea right this instance?" and flutter my eyelashes, "hang on... Inspiration, you have NEVER eaten anything in your life..."

But I'll forget it all, as long as you never leave me alone again.

Please, come back.

~Tinkem.


Oh, and if you are buying cheese, could you buy me some too?

I liked this piece because it was witty and clever. personification is a good source of humor, and I especially liked the part about Inspiration being out to buy cheese. I was a little confused when you said "hang on... Inspiration, you have NEVER eaten anything in your life..." that part didn't make much sense to me, and I found myself a little confused. was the writer of this letter concluding that Inspiration can't possibly be out buying cheese? or is she saying this to him after he has come back from buying cheese? I know it's not supposed to be realistic, but it could be a little more clear.

if I had to suggest a way to make this piece better, I would say you should put in more ironic humor. the part about the cheese made me laugh, and I think you have a really good concept here, but you could have gotten a lot more out of it, if you had added more things like that.
keep writing, your friend,
---Psudiname

Hi, Tinkembell! First, I'd like to thank you for the lovely chocolate you left on my WRFF thread. It blew my mind.

This review is probably going to have more to do with grammar than anything else, because I'm not exactly sure how to review something in Other. I hope that is okay with you.

I am writing to request the where[no space here] abouts of your presence, following your recent dissapearance disappearance I have - to put it bluntly - not had any Inspiration.

The comma in the middle makes this sentence confusing. However, there's an easy solution to that: just replace it with either a semi-colon or a dash!

I have to ask; are you on holiday?

and you'll say to me; "I was only out buying buying cheese."

I'll reply; "Oh I missed you so much,

In all of the three examples above, you use a semi-colon, when it actually should be a colon. In the last two, it can also be a comma.

Do I... need to take you to the repair shop?

Does Inspiration die? I think, that if I never get your reply, then it does. Inspiration dies.

I think the last sentence is redundant.


Anyway, there's a few boring nit-picks for you. I think this was quite entertaining -- I'm pretty sure we can all relate to this letter! I know I can... my inspiration seems to have like 364 days off in a year (just like Santa Claus :O)!


Demeter
x

Hello,
Here as requested, and thanks for doing so I maybe a little nit-picky towards grammar, but that's just because, as a fellow writer, I want you to be able to improve and such. I found this piece an enjoyable read because of the personification you used, bravo! Now on to the meat of your review:

following your recent dissapearance I have - to put it bluntly - not had any Inspiration.

The - you have around the phrase to put it bluntly should be commas.

Don't you like your job?

Don't you... seems very slangy (I'm sure that's not a word, but hopefully you get my point) to me. This is just a personal perference, so don't change it if you don't want to, but I think it would sound better if you wrote it as Do you not like your job.

Do I... Need to take you to the repair shop?

I feel like the ... isn't effective here. Try to only use the ... when someone is trailing off in dialogue or in their personal thoughts. If I was writing a letter to someone I don't think I would need to use ...

All you have to do is ask, I've looked around and it doesn't cost that much, just a few of my brain cells.

This is funny , but it's not puncuated right. after ask should be a semi-colon (;) not a comma, and there should be a comma after around. These two punctuation marks are needed because you are combining three complete sentences together, and to avoid a run-on sentences you need to put in the comma and semi-colon, so the reader can have a place to breath.

Or maybe it's because you feel you are mistreated, I haven't ever done anything that bad to you, have I?

There should be a comma after or and the comma after mistreated should be a semi-colon because you are combining two complete sentences with each other.

I guess the only other possible answer is, that you're... yo-you're dead. Does Inspiration die? I think, that if I never get your reply, then it does. Inspiration dies.

I love you hesitation to that fact that inspirations death might be a possibility

But it can't.

Try to avoid at all cost on starting a sentence with a conjunction (and, but, or, so, yet, nor, for) they are used to combine two complete sentences together or two like ideas, and when put in front of a sentences cause the reader to think it's a fragment instead of a complete sentence. I tried to think of how to fix it here, and I think you just might have to use it here. Put a comma after but.

If you really have died... Then I guess I'll never write again, because nothing I write will ever be worth anything without you by my side. Without you giving me the next brilliant idea,and me claiming it as my own as I pour the essence of your Inspiration into words, without you whispering new plots and suggestions into my ears annoyingly whilst I'm in the middle of a climax, without you guiding my stories every step of the way whether you like them or not, as a writer I am nothing.

I feel like this is a really long run-on sentence, so you might want to take a gander at this.

Please don't let it be true, at least reply if you won't come back, at least let me know, and not suffer the pain of not knowing for eternity.

Same with this sentence (may be a run-on)

But I'll forget it all, as long as you never leave me alone again.

Never start a sentence with a conjunction. I suggest changing but into Eventhough, (yes add the comma at the end of even though)

Oh, and if you are buying cheese, could you buy me some too?

Cute and funny

Overall this was a brilliant idea, very original. If you have any questions about my review feel free to ask me, and as always feel free to ask for another review any time.

Have a great day,
Tiffany

Hiya, Tink! Rosea here, as requested, at your service. *bows* :3

So...

Dear Inspiration,

I am writing to request the whereabouts of your presence, following your recent dissapearance I have - to put it bluntly - not had any Inspiration.

Whoopsie, spelling! 'Disappearance' only has a single s. The sentence is a bit dragging, and I had to read it twice to get the point. I also have some problems with the words you used here. I understand that you are trying to address this letter formally, but it doesn't quite work when you look closely. It actually sounds weird, especially the first phrase. Also, before you get to your point, usually you'd start with greetings or something of the sort, right? Because if not, it would seem like you're being demanding instead of being polite. Rewriting is the best solution to the problem. If I were to edit it, I'd come up with this:

Dear Inspiration,

How have you been, my friend? I am writing to ask about the nature of your whereabouts, for, to put it bluntly, in the days following your recent disappearance, I have not had any motivation.

Like that, or something to that effect, just so you can see better what I'm trying to point out. I've also changed the word 'inspiration' to motivation to 1) avoid redundancy and because 2) you can't really use the word inspiration as a noun because you used Inspiration as a persona.

I have to ask; are you on holiday? Why? Don't you like your job? Is it because I use you too much? Do I... Need to take you to the repair shop? I'd be happy to. All you have to do is ask, I've looked around and it doesn't cost that much, just a few of my brain cells. Or maybe it's because you feel you are mistreated, I haven't ever done anything that bad to you, have I? Oh, wait, if it was the time I used your idea to kill off your favourite character, then I'm sorry, truly. Maybe there'll be a sequel, one with him as the main character. Do you like that idea?

Hm. This part sounds a bit... whine-y, and a wee bit too desperate. The writer actually sounds a bit kooky in this part, at least, in my opinion. I don't think inspiration can be used. It's something which comes to you and eggs you on to continue doing something, producing something... at least, in my opinion. A person's inspiration isn't something you can repair. It's a stimulus. If you're going to put it that way, you can say that it's his brain that needs repair, not his inspiration. Once his brain is straightened out, maybe the inspiration would come again. I think I have a vague idea about what you're trying to show us here, but it just doesn't work with the idea of 'inspiration'. What is inspiration, exactly? Try to think twice about it for a while. Then see what else you can come up with.

I guess the only other possible answer is, that you're... yo-you're dead. Does Inspiration die? I think, that if I never get your reply, then it does. Inspiration dies.

What is with the stuttering? This is a letter, isn't it? To use ellipses to denote hesitation is okay, but to stutter in a letter... no, that's just not humanly possible. And yes, I agree with this passage - though I said inspiration isn't a thing that can be repaired, it is, at least, something that can die.

But it can't. There isn't an Inspiration replacement shop that I know of. I doubt that any other writers have heard of one either. If you really have died... Then I guess I'll never write again, because nothing I write will ever be worth anything without you by my side. Without you giving me the next brilliant idea, and me claiming it as my own as I pour the essence of your Inspiration into words, without you whispering new plots and suggestions into my ears annoyingly whilst I'm in the middle of a climax, without you guiding my stories every step of the way whether you like them or not, as a writer I am nothing.

"But it can't?" Maybe you meant, "But it can't be", or "But you can't be dead". Just to leave that sentence hanging, "But it can't", provides us with an incomplete idea of what you're trying to say. "Annoyingly"? Maybe "fervently" or another adjective of the sort is a better replacement to that. You can't be annoyed when inspiration comes flowing into you, you know. You'd feel elated and full of energy. In my case, that's how it works.

Please don't let it be true, at least reply if you won't come back, at least let me know, and not suffer the pain of not knowing for eternity. Or... If I'm lucky, you'll come back. You'll forgive me for whatever terrible thing I've done. Or, stupidly you're on your way right now, and you'll say to me; "I was only out buying cheese." and laugh while you hug me. I'll reply; "Oh I missed you so much, could you give me an idea right this instance?" and flutter my eyelashes, "hang on... Inspiration, you have NEVER eaten anything in your life..."

Chop your sentences up with periods! It also needs a few more supporting statements... I've edited it; it's up to you if you want to follow my example. I've also moved a sentence to make the paragraph have a bit more impact on the reader.

Please don't let it be true. At least reply if you don't plan on coming back. At least let me know. Or if I'm lucky, you'll come back. You'll forgive me for whatever terrible thing I've done to you. Or maybe, you're on your way right now, and with a dumb grin on your face, you'll say to me: "I was only out buying cheese." You'll hug me, then, and maybe you'll laugh. I'll reply: "Oh I missed you so much, I need your ideas!" I'd flutter my eyelashes and realize what you've just said, and quip, feeling foolish: "Hang on... Inspiration, you have NEVER eaten anything in your life!"

Please say you'll come back. Don't let me suffer the pain of not seeing you again for eternity.

But I'll forget it all, as long as you never leave me alone again.

"I'll forget all of this, as long as you never leave me alone again."

Please, come back.

~Tinkem.

Remove the tilde. Just sign it with your name.

Whew. There you go. I hope this helps!

Rosea

Hey Tinkem! I hope I could be of some help even though it looks a bit tough since Dems has already reviewed you.



I know that this review is going to be terrible, but I really don't have anything to say that might help you out. It's like I loved this piece. If that happens when you don't have any inspiration, then what would happen when you do have? I think we all should just quit writing then, huh? Your idea, the way you projected it and all the dimensions that you stepped to was quite entertaining. I don't know even if it deserves a review because I can't think of this as a literary piece, but something sweet written to get rid of Writer's Block or maybe entertain self. It's much more than getting reviews.

There were some grammar mistakes, and sometimes you did jump to next part rather quickly, but that is okay considering your age. Your work seemed quite nice if we talk about your age. On the other hand I would like you to maybe tell us the restless you've faced when Inspiration walked away. How has it been since? You;ve gone into every possible question, but I guess this is one big one that you missed out, and it would make your piece perfect if you describe a bit about it, too. For example:

You won't even know about the sleepless nights I have spent in your wait. In wait of Inspiration. My pen's ink has evaporated, and the empty string inside mocks me.

That's just a little way you could begin your question by, and I know that you would definitely have better ideas than I have. You need to work on it also because of the fact that this is all about the loss you have had since Inspiration has gone away so it would be best if you just let us know how it actually felt to you. It's more important than anything.

Sorry the review was short, but seriously there wasn't much to say about so poke me when you need more. xD!

Oh, God, I'm going to be useless. This is what I get for not responding to requests quick enough, eh?

I'm not exactly too sure about how to review a piece like this, so I can't say that any of what I say will really be helpful... I guess I can just give my opinion on it though, eh? I really liked this, actually, especially because I certainly know the feeling. It's very likely that the majority of YWSers know the feeling too. The longest I've ever gone without writing due to lack of inspiration is over a year, I think. Not nice stuff.

What I especially liked about this was the humour you had dotted around. The cheese bit amused me, so I'm glad you had that in there. The only issue with the humour is that, well, I'd like to see some more of it. Where you had it sprinkled around the place, it was good, but I think you could have added in some more. This kind of connects to the other critique--well, more like suggestion--I have for you, so I'll go into more detail on that later. If you do decide to add in some more humour, then you will have to be careful not to go too over the top at the same time. Be sure to have a good balance: not too little, but not too much humour.

Anyway, about the suggestion. Basically, I'd like to see this a bit longer. As in, I'd like for you to expand this piece as a whole. It may just be me, but right now, it seems a little short for my liking. Considering you're lacking inspiration right now, I understand if making it longer would be a challenge, but hey, it might help you too. This would help with the humour thing as well. By making the piece longer, there will be more room to enhance the humour and what not. That way, it won't feel as though any humour you add into this feels squished together and overloaded. Err... make sense?

Lastly, there was the odd grammar hiccup, but nothing serious. Besides, you seem to have gotten enough grammar reviews for this piece, so I won't be annoying and add to the pile. There are times where a comma is used when a period would be better suited, and I also noticed you using semi-colons instead of regular colons sometimes, but to be honest, it wasn't really a problem at all. A quick read over would do the trick. If it helps, try and read it out loud too. It'll help you notice where the flow is interrupted by the grammar you've used in some places.

Overall, I really do like this. It's cute. As for your personal situation, don't get stressed over your lack of inspiration. Like I said earlier, I once didn't write anything (unless it was for school or something) for over a year. Yes, it was frustrating, but my inspiration came back eventually. It always does. Whether it takes a month, a year or ten years, just be patient and let your inspiration come back because it will eventually. You could always try some writing exercises too. They don't tend to work for me, but doing things like writing a page a day can help people out. Even if it's a page of utter poo, it helps get the juices flowing.

There's an article here that gives advice on finding inspiration: http://www.bloggodown.com/2010/07/3-gre ... block.html It might be useful.

If you want anymore help on the lack of inspiration thing, just PM me or something. I had writer's block for a year, but I overcame it eventually, remember. I know of a few things that may help.

Good luck, and keep writing (literally)!

xoxo Skins

Oh my. I wished I could write a letter too, so I'll be inspired to write again. xD

I have to agree with most of the reviewers above me. And oh, don't worry. I'm not really going to repeat all over again of the things they've just commented. However, you need to take in consideration their suggestions and corrections, because I noticed you haven't raised a finger to edit even a just a word. ^^

The main thing that you need to focus here is how you should produce a more specific letter. In realities, people find their inspiration through music, experiences, books, singers, idols, and even food. And here we can see a speaker who longs for an inspiration and it's quite a blur because it's too general.

What really is the letter for?
Inspiration for what reason? Writing? If so, state it.
How will the speaker cope up in this situation?

Try asking yourself this questions because without this, your readers will find the speaker hopeless and despair, something like that. I know you want your readers to feel what the speaker is going through, but it doesn't mean you have to create "whiny" character.

All in all, this has potential. Just so consider your critique's suggestion and voila'! Let me know if you have any questions.

Keep writing,
Yuri

Walker here, as requested!

Its going to be my short review structure today because the piece is smaller. Hope you don't mind!

Nit-Picks:

I'm sure most of these will have been pointed out in earlier reviews, but, as I am a bit of a lazy bum and don't feel like reading all of them, I'm just going to state what I can find.

I am writing to request the whereabouts of your presence, following your recent dissapearance I have - to put it bluntly - not had any Inspiration.

And right off the bat we have a punctuation error. I'm a punctuation nazi, which is unfortunate, so I hope you don't mind my blatantness! Either way, the comma should be a period after presence.

Do I... Need to take you to the repair shop?

Do me a favour and take the '...'s out. They aren't needed in the least xP.

Or maybe it's because you feel you are mistreated, I haven't ever done anything that bad to you, have I?

You are splicing your comma's to the extreme. Every other sentence theres a misused comma. The comma behind mistreated should be a period. I think you can get the just of the rest of them, if others haven't already pointed them out.

I guess the only other possible answer is, that you're... yo-you're dead.

This is an inner thought monologue. You really don't need to stutter it. It takes away from the effect I'm sure you're trying to give. So, take out the ... and fix the stuttering. Maybe put ... after dead for effect but not before.

I'm pretty sure everything else should have been picked out by previous reviewers, so I'm going to jump to my overall. If you'd like me to fine comb it one of these days, I will come back and do exactly that if that is what you wish!

Overall:

Love the concept. Its quick and interesting. I love how its all an inner thought sort of idea here.

Other than that, on a more personal stand-point, I would have to disagree with you on the whole idea of inspiration and the dying of inspiration. Its not that inspiration can't die or anything. Just that I believe inspiration is ever changing and that it comes and goes as water would. That is should die only to be reborn. I become inspired by small things. Beautiful things. The coming of spring. The way a sunset looks over the lake near my house. A da vinci painting that just slays me.

Inspiration, I believe, isn't something that can be defined like an organ. It isn't something that is solid of which, if it should become disabled, you can no longer continue. Its so flowing and everchanging that I don't believe it could ever truly be gone. Not for someone who has the passion to write. It just disappears for awhile.

So I'm sorry if my opinion is a little... completely against your own. I love the idea and I love how it is very personal to you. You got your emotions across completely and I can definitely understand that, but as a person who is a frequent watcher of inspiration coming and going, I can't rightly agree.

Other than that, keep writing and I'll keep reviewing. You have a lovely voice and very few grammatical errors. Your punctuation, though, needs a bit of work ;P

~Walker

This is a great poem/letter! I think that all of us writers can relate to this,keep it up!

KJR

LOL, this is so funny and true. I didn't see any problems with it and the whole thing was totally enjoyable to read.
Great job!

Keep writing,
Alzora


If you get cheese - can I have some?

It was cool how you gave insperation personification, as reffering to it as a person or living thing that you are sending a message to. You seemed to find insperation yourself while looking for it in the first place. The part about it purchasing cheese and then realizing that insperation is perhaps lactose intolerant added a good plot twist. Also your ending line in very, very small font cracked me up:

Oh, and if you are buying cheese, could you buy me some too?

I give you my own respect for being able to generate such a short in length story that could tells so much about discovering our creative side in life. I hope your inspiration never leaves you again!