Young Writers Society

This is mine and 322sivart's entry to the Poetry Pairs contest. We want this to be as perfect as possible, so be as harsh as you care to be. Maybe a little more, even. Thanks to anyone who reviews.

Red is of anger, and also of love
Of passion that sends out the murder of doves
A pain on your fingers that's both bad and good
A varied emotion, brought far as it could

Orange isn’t quite happy, but also not sad
Neither fragrant or reeking or something made mad
Not lustful, indifferent, or some in between
Won't build you up, but won't swiftly demean

Yellow is drama - harsh on your vision
Railway trains that speed into collision
The sun that beats down on a hot summer day
The sculptor, abuser, that hammers down clay

Green is the color of deception and lies
The taste of salt tears when one forcefully cries
The new grass of spring only covers the dirt
And any such truth, it will only pervert

Blue is a sad one - matched with much fear.
The texture of paper, a scent all too clear.
Harmful to breathe, but risky to not
Speaking of things you would rather forgot

Purple is final, the color of peace
A warm autumn wind, and the wingspan of geese
The taste of hot chocolate that burns skin off your tongue
Climbing a ladder up to the last rung

Life is the plunge, or the pinnacle, who knows?
A man only walks with the colors he shows
All the tones; impressive, mournful, minute
A color will accept but later refute

The wheel and its colors silently spin
An endless flow of energy, an arco violin
If these colors take you, do not feel at fault
For the colors harden, crisp in the salt

Thanks for reading.

This poem is really good, and I hope you guys win. I really think that the last three, umm, stanzas are the best. As far as my poetic eyes can see this poem is really good. Because I always think that the raw versions are way better then the improved. But, if you want my opinion I think that its..... really great, good and really poetic. it has that type of poetic mood that I like. keep writing.

Hello there,
Written here, or Stone, as some call me.
I read this poem and I was honestly - well I can't say shocked - how about ... in love with it.
This was brilliantly done, but there are only two lines that throw me off out of the whole thing that I can really tell - I've reread it like four times and it still doesn't work for me. Sooo, down at the fourth stanza and fourth line .. I don't know ..

Green is the color of deception and lies
The taste of salt tears when one forcefully cries
The new grass of spring only covers the dirt
And any such truth, it will only pervert

It might just be me but that line is giving me a serious migraine thinking about it. It just doesn't seem to flow - remember this is my opinion though. Not everyones.

Also, down at the seventh stanza and last line:

Life is the plunge, or the pinnacle, who knows?
A man only walks with the colors he shows
All the tones; impressive, mournful, minute
A color will accept but later refute

Did you mean to have the word Refute in there? I don't know : A color will accept but later prove to be false? It just doesn't work for me with the definition of the word. Hmm .. It could just be me though.

Alrightie, well that's about all I could find - really minor things right? Well, I don't know - but this was well done. Your definitely going to be competition.

- Stone.

Thanks for the reviews!

@Written - for the first line, do you think taking out the "And" at the beginning would help? (That's what I'm going to do.) And for the second line, I'll have to talk to my partner.

Thanks again.

This was really artistically colorful, aside from being obviously a poem about color. I liked reading it. (: It was enjoyable. You seem to be well partnered up. What you have here is pretty solid, but there were some areas for improvement. Small ones, but you pretty much covered this poem. You might want to recheck your punctuation though. I saw some missing periods in there.

Very descriptive