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The Survivor (Extract 7)
The Survivor (Extract 7)
by Gee in Action/Adventure Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Narrative Poetry

This thread was created on November 6, 2005
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El 'Mo'

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Caligula's Launderette   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 8:24 pm    Post subject: El 'Mo' Reply with quote 
There is a dark skinned cowboy

who runs the mexican ridges of 

the Tiajuana river valley

his pointed boot spurs glinting in the sun

his hat tipped just so

and the Gauchos have a name for

this epitome of the west

El 'Mo'



------------------------



based of a guy I know. 



cheers CL

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 9:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Hey! This is quite nice! Wink

It shows what can be done in the minimum of words. I liked the subtle imagery too. It flows effortlessly! Razz

Nothing much is technically wrong with it. I have only one small nit to pick though:

Quote:
who runs the mexican ridges of
the Tiajuana river valley


I think this should be capitalised. But this is insignificant.

Fab! Very Happy

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 4:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
thankies dear, I'll think about the capitalization

CL

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 5:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
This is an awesome piece, the format makes it flow so magnificently. It's quite a clever piece, using few words to get a point across. I like it a lot.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 8:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Thank you Superfreakazoid, I'm glad you liked it. Smile

cheers CL

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 1:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
i like this alot, nice and short, puts a vivid picture in my mind... it made me smile. i like how the rhyme is really subtle and casual; i think its really hard to make rhyming effective and not get in the way of the poems message, but you did it really well.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 1:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
I liked it I liked the witty El'Mo line at the end the most.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 6:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
heheh... I think I will give this to EL Mo for a christmas present.

thanks guys. CL

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
That would be an awesome Christmas present! He'll like it a lot. Smile

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This thread was created on November 6, 2005

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