Topic ID: 5402
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Amice
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 Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2005 12:16 am Post subject: wedding poem |
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*I had to write a poem in trochaic tetrameter for English Lit
I don't really care for it myself, but I thought I'd give you critics something to rip to shreds 
Softly radiant, train is flowing.
Walking slowly, gaily glowing.
Moments flying, organ playing.
Still in rapture, inward praying.
Joining hands and kneeling, they both
Promise, solemn marriage oaths.
Ever smiling, often crying.
Love is living, self is dying. |
Last edited by Amice on Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:34 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Poppi
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| Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2005 10:43 am Post subject: |
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| The first verse is really nice but I like the second one best - adds depth "Love is living, self is dying" - do you mean self is dying because you become one with another person so it's not just you anymore? (if that makes sense...) |
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Martyr of Banality... such a joy in life... such happiness... such a desire to just implode... |
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Sherbet
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| Posted: Sun Oct 30, 2005 12:37 am Post subject: |
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| That was really beautiful! It seemed to capture just the right things... If that makes any sense |
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Take me far away from here... My world of hate and fear... |
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Amice
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| Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 5:01 pm Post subject: reply to poppi |
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| do you mean self is dying because you become one with another person so it's not just you anymore? |
Poppi,
Yes that's the general idea. Love gives rather than takes. You can't love and be selfish at the same time. That's why a perfect marriage (not that it exists) consists of a man and woman selflessly giving to the other, without thinking of themself. Yet they both get everything they need... because of love.
Thanks for the feedback!
Sorry it took so long ... it's probably a little more answer than you wanted
-Amice- |
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Poppi
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Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 27 Oct 2005
Posts: 75
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Country: Pollywood Film Studios - Cornwall UK
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| Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't worry about time... that's a great answer AND a great poem! It's true you can't love and be selfish... thats why relationships break down |
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Martyr of Banality... such a joy in life... such happiness... such a desire to just implode... |
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Angel17
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| Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 6:14 pm Post subject: |
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| nice poem. It followed a good rhythm |
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Real poetry are those with the best words in the best order
~~~~~~~~Mandy~~~~~~~~~ |
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