Topic ID: 4784
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amoerizzle
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 Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 2:42 am Post subject: First Snow |
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First Snow
You see the clouds come rolling,
As they rustle into town.
The clouds begin exploding,
As the snow falls to the ground.
You get a sudden chill,
As you put on your winter coat.
The snow falls on your lashes,
As through the air it floats.[/b] |
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FireGirl
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| Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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I like how simple it is, but still conveys your message. Good imagery, I really like this poem.
Keep up the good work. |
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Boni_Bee
An old fashioned girl
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 2:48 am Post subject: |
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Very nice and simple! I think it could have a few more verses, as it sort of ends abruptly, but very good job  |
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Snoink
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 3:49 am Post subject: |
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Pretty poem! Simple, good metering, not too forced, and lovely imagery. Pretty good job there...  |
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Areida
The Warrior Princess Ari
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 4:11 am Post subject: |
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Cute. I could see it in one of those Jack Prulensky books or something. I like it. Nothing life-changing or profound, but I think it'd be a nice thing to read to your kids in a collection of poems.
Nice work. 
~Areida |
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Nefer
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 10:01 am Post subject: |
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| I liked it but I agree with what Boni said, you could have added a few more lines. But it's still good. |
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Twinkling Starz
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| Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 12:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Nice! I guess the other posters have said everything I wanted to say when I read this poem... |
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Glassjaw
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| Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 6:02 am Post subject: |
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| I liked this a lot. The exploding clouds is the best part. I would have like it more if it was a bit longer, it actually took me back to a few moments in the winter. Few poems can do that for me. Interesting, I would love to see more added to this. If not, it's good on it's own too... |
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Amice
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| Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:42 am Post subject: |
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In my own humble personal little opinion... 
I didn't care for the adjective exploding because it brings to mind things like dynamite and fireworks. Not something like snowclouds.
But I'm not particularly professional myself so ...
It is short, but it's a nice poem. The rhymes weren't stiff but it was still paralleled nicely.
:thumb: |
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