Topic ID: 4747
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Chevy
science, again. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 1613 Reviews: 660 Country: It's Complicated. 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 3:28 pm Post subject: Atomic Number 50 |
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Verse One
your heart's an achor so afraid to leave
your heart is anger so afraid of defeat
atomic number 50 never burns out
obligation is your number one doubt
Pre Chorus
under the table you hide your cards
at the end of the game we find out who you are
Chorus
a beautiful face begins to peel
how does it feel to be made of steel?
Verse Two
your mind's a machine operating for a cause
your mind is between winning and getting caught
look up to find you but you're on your way back down
like gravity always ending on the ground
Pre Chorus
under the table you hide your cards
at the end of the game we find out who you are
Bridge
you're in a corner with a center fold
you're a foreigner with a heart of cold
you're at a table with a hand of spades
but what from this do you gain?
Outro
atomic number 50 never burns out |
_________________ "I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
- A Seperate Peace (John Knowles) |
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amoerizzle
Junior Writer
 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 25 Sep 2005 Posts: 47 Reviews: 19
300 Points
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't know quite what to say. It was beautiful. It made me think and I liket that. Atomic Number 50....would be Tin. What's the significance of tin? Am I looking too much into it? Was it not really representing something? Either way, I enjoyed it. Good job. |
_________________ "Speak softly and carry a big stick!" Theodore Roosevelt |
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timjim77
Novelist

Age: 18 Joined: 24 Sep 2005 Posts: 319 Reviews: 212
300 Points
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 3:59 am Post subject: |
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| Excellent. Would be interested to hear the music. Pre chorus could be bit stronger. |
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Duskglimmer
is happy in anywhere but there Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 22 Dec 2004 Posts: 3157 Reviews: 437 Country: I wish I knew... 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:43 pm Post subject: |
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| I really like the pre chorus. It sounds like something I would say. Nice Job, Chevy. |
_________________ The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching. |
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Chevy
science, again. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 1613 Reviews: 660 Country: It's Complicated. 300 Points
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 2:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Thanks everyone...this is my most favorite thing that I have ever written. And the Pre Chorus is actually apart of the Chorus. I just put it there so I could remind myself that that's where the music changes. |
_________________ "I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
- A Seperate Peace (John Knowles) |
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niteowl
I Need a Better Custom Title Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 28 Nov 2004 Posts: 3980 Reviews: 389 Country: somewhere in America 1173 Points
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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I liked it and I really don't have much to say. Although I would have to agree with amoerizzle about what the significance of tin is.
The only typo is in the first line, where you have "achor" instead of "anchor". Unless of course achor is an actual word and I'm just not that clued in.
This concludes another Useless Niteowl Critique.  |
_________________ "You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci
Got YWS?
"Whoever said senior year was easier than junior year lied through their teeth" A friend of mine |
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Twitch111
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 24 Sep 2005 Posts: 45 Reviews: 17 Country: New Mexico(USA) 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 10:28 pm Post subject: |
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[color=cyan]I'm not realy good at lyrics myself, but to me it was great.I hope to read more of your stuff later. [/color] |
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