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Everything Sparkles
Everything Sparkles

by kissthewitch in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Other Poetry

This thread was created on October 5, 2005
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Boy’s Blood

Topic ID: 5038
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timjim77   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 9:50 pm    Post subject: Boy’s Blood Reply with quote

“There comes a time, 

In every man’s life,

When he realizes he’s alive.”



The old man threw his

Cigarette into a bush.

(It reminded the boy

Of the Burning Bush,

And how the voice had come from it).



The space between the man’s lips

Grew exponentially,

Slowly un-sticking themselves

From their cracked embrace.



“See, the first time you bleed

(A real man’s blood, not

A boy’s blood)

You feel the salt and the power.

And then you’re alive.”



The boy held his head back

Stared up

At the sky, 

Pushing away the memories that

Had brought him to this position.



“You can’t go through 

Not knowing what pain is.

You have to be a man

Holding coals in your fists

Fighting a good fight.”



The surreal words swirled above 

The boy’s face.



Blood streamed down his 

Cheek, like tears.



“You have to



Live.”
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Cicero   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 10:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice. However, I don't understand the ending. Does the boy get in a fight? Is life beating him down? Please explain. The burning bush metaphor is quite good.

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timjim77   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cicero wrote:
Nice. However, I don't understand the ending. Does the boy get in a fight? Is life beating him down? Please explain. The burning bush metaphor is quite good.


Well, he has a bloody nose. Where it comes from 9the man speaking, a fight, spontaneouly) is for you to decide.
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Duskglimmer   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 11:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked the images and how it all flowed together, I just don't feel like it ever really connected to the reader and started to make sense. It feels like there's a piece missing, almost, a vital piece that would make it all make it all clearer.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
“There comes a time,
In every man’s life,
When he realizes he’s alive.”


It was a hooking beginning and it held me all the way through. I loved the reference to the bush and the whole way that the man tells the boy about how he will bleed once and how he has to live. I also liked how you specified that it was a "man's blood, not a boy's blood". It got your point across about the wound that you are talking about. I agree with you in this poems sense and it is also very well written. Congrats.

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This thread was created on October 5, 2005

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