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Samuel Garrison
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 Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 3:44 am Post subject: The Elysian Fields - Editing. |
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Last edited by Samuel Garrison on Sun Jul 30, 2006 12:21 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Elder Bobo
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| Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 4:54 am Post subject: |
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| Here's an idea: separate your paragraphs. Indentation doesn't work here, so you have to go in and add an extra line between each paragraph. No one will read it otherwise. |
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Samuel Garrison
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| Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:03 am Post subject: |
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(oups)
Done. Thank you.
(will do the same to the other, tomorrow.)
Anything else, Bobo? |
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Jennafina
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| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:27 am Post subject: |
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Hello! *does SPLOOSH homework*
In Greek Mythology, the dwelling of the blessed paradise, situated at the end of the world.
This sentence doesn't make sence. Maybe it could be combined with the next one?
This means they are the only states where I could actually have friends for a while and new my territories by heart, without being shifted to pack, and leaving, wondering where I would end up next.
Knew?
After all, what would be the point? I would be shuffled to a new area in a short time anyway.
This brings me to my point.
The word 'point' in two consecutive sentences is a little repetitive.
I remember when I was very young, probably closer to twelve I would watch him smack the golf ball clear cross the street in his backyard.
I think here it would be 'across' instead of cross.
This was a really, really pretty narative. And it did trigger some emotions. I especially like the way it blends memory and reality, the transitions are really smooth. |
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Samuel Garrison
God Save the King!
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Country: Native Vermonter.
384 Points
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| Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 4:46 am Post subject: |
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Thanks Jenna for helping me out.
There is ALOT of editing to be done to this piece. There is many, many grammar errors, so much, it makes me cringe, lol. I just haven't been able to return to it since being involved with another story.
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| This was a really, really pretty narative. I especially like the way it blends memory and reality, the transitions are really smooth. |
Yeah, most of my non-fiction stories are narrative. *shrugs*
And, why thank you. I never really thought about how it could blend memory and reality, so that's cool.  Thank you for talking the time to read it.
Eventually, when I finish Bound for Glory, this story is high on my list to revise.  |
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