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Mira's Lament
by PadrePio on Sat Jul 03, 2010 1:41 am
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A falling star blazes in the night
Hurrying, surpassing the speed of light
With joy and love it drops to earth
Then lands on you and laughs with mirth
The star was I---Oh yes, indeed!
With heart and soul, I gave you all
Yet---like darkness you could be cruel
Because you left me in this world
My light extinguished, my fire grown cold
My fire grown cold, my light extinguished
Oh, How fool I am to still have wished!
To still recall your warm caress
Your lovely touch, your sweet sweet kiss
A star was I---a fool, indeed!
'Cause even if you've hurt me so
My voice won't shake---"STILL, I LOVE YOU!"
Even if I've grown stale and old
My light extinguished, my fire now cold
Love your enemies, just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards.
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Re: Mira's Lament
by Calligraphy on Sat Jul 03, 2010 1:49 am
This is one of those WOW poems I read over a few times just so I can hear the words in my head again. Frankly I love it and wouldn't change anything. Sorry I couldn't give any advice.
A. S.
P.S. I just noticed you have been on here from 2009, and you still only have 5 reviews!!!!!!
A. S.
P.S. I just noticed you have been on here from 2009, and you still only have 5 reviews!!!!!!
I will review for food! 
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
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Calligraphy - elegant handwriting
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Re: Mira's Lament
by blackbird12 on Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:23 am
I enjoyed this poem quite a bit. I'm not usually an enormous fan of rhyming, but it didn't feel too forced here. My only problems are the lack of punctuation (a comma here or there would help the flow a lot, I think) and, also, I don't think the quotation of "STILL, I LOVE YOU!" should be in all caps. It just makes me think you're yelling and I think the exclamation point accomplishes the ardor you're trying to express with that quotation. Just my opinion. Nice work.
"In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?"
-Rainer Maria Rilke
-Rainer Maria Rilke
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