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Do you imagine dreams?
by ClaraKingofSnow on Fri Jul 02, 2010 4:08 pm
Do you imagine dreams? Or
are they potent with reality?
Ask the stars: they say that
nightmares empower
and that dreams are misunderstood,
spread like violence. (They claw
beneath my eyes: the colors,
the power, vivid like summer.)
The stranger in my life, the prodigy,
the Gollum in my eyes,
senseless with insomnia,
takes a dive into vast passion
with an empty heart.
Can we begin again--
grounded, alone, feeling nothing?
Frozen in time, intoxicated,
shedding memories and
promises into the snow,
two hands regret the becoming of me.
-----
Be as harsh as you want; I've only written this in the last hour.
"You know what to beautify is, I suppose?"
"Yes," said Alice doubtfully: "it means--to--make--anything--prettier."
"Well, then," the Gryphon went on, "if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton."
"Yes," said Alice doubtfully: "it means--to--make--anything--prettier."
"Well, then," the Gryphon went on, "if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton."
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Re: Do you imagine dreams?
by ziggiefred on Fri Jul 02, 2010 7:09 pm
Hello there clarakingofsnow
Hmmm...well, to be honest I'm a little dissapointed; I don't know, you had my hope so high when I got to "ask the stars". I kind of thought it was going to have more imagination and passion and imagery than what you delivered. It's not that bad but not enough either. Maybe you should leave out the first stanza with the question and maybe start like this
It's not that great either but it's just a suggestion.
Not a bad poem though; great idea, it just loses momentum as it continues, but that's just me.
Keep writing and good job
Hmmm...well, to be honest I'm a little dissapointed; I don't know, you had my hope so high when I got to "ask the stars". I kind of thought it was going to have more imagination and passion and imagery than what you delivered. It's not that bad but not enough either. Maybe you should leave out the first stanza with the question and maybe start like this
They say that
nightmares empower
and that dreams are misunderstood,
spread like violence.
Ask the stars;
Dreams claw
beneath my eyes: the colors,
the power, vivid like summer.
It's not that great either but it's just a suggestion.
Not a bad poem though; great idea, it just loses momentum as it continues, but that's just me.
Keep writing and good job
The best is what you make it!
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Re: Do you imagine dreams?
by ClaraKingofSnow on Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:48 pm
Thanks, Ziggiefred. I agree with what you're saying. I'll get back to you when I've edited it some more. 
ClaraKingofSnow
ClaraKingofSnow
"You know what to beautify is, I suppose?"
"Yes," said Alice doubtfully: "it means--to--make--anything--prettier."
"Well, then," the Gryphon went on, "if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton."
"Yes," said Alice doubtfully: "it means--to--make--anything--prettier."
"Well, then," the Gryphon went on, "if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton."
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Re: Do you imagine dreams?
by HarmonyGirl2012 on Fri Jul 02, 2010 9:23 pm
I love the thought of your poem and the ideas you worked in. My only thoughts are, you might be able to add your question into the poem some how and work on structure a little more, but I liked what you have so far. If you add more imagination and edit a little more, this would probably be an awesome poem. Nice work, keep writing!! 
~Allison
~Allison
"To find yourself, think for yourself" ~ Socrates
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Re: Do you imagine dreams?
by nova on Fri Jul 02, 2010 10:15 pm
Just saying that the three forums below are: Do you + Imagine... + Dreams.
Insperation maybe?
Insperation maybe? Nova
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Re: Do you imagine dreams?
by ClaraKingofSnow on Fri Jul 02, 2010 11:44 pm
nova wrote:Just saying that the three forums below are: Do you + Imagine... + Dreams.
Yeah, I learned a technique kind of like that at a writing camp a couple years ago. The original prompt was that we should use existing lines of poetry to create our own poem. It's a way for me to get back in the swing of things. I haven't really been writing regularly.
"You know what to beautify is, I suppose?"
"Yes," said Alice doubtfully: "it means--to--make--anything--prettier."
"Well, then," the Gryphon went on, "if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton."
"Yes," said Alice doubtfully: "it means--to--make--anything--prettier."
"Well, then," the Gryphon went on, "if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton."
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Re: Do you imagine dreams?
by nova on Sat Jul 03, 2010 5:45 pm
Oh, no, dont put yourself down about it.
It's good to use anything and everything to create insperation as long as you dont just copy it all for word by word.
This is a really good poem anyway so obviously technique works! I might just use it!
nova.
It's good to use anything and everything to create insperation as long as you dont just copy it all for word by word.
This is a really good poem anyway so obviously technique works! I might just use it! nova.
Nova
Check out my picture page!~ topic61787.html
In need of reviews!~ topic65433.html
Check out my picture page!~ topic61787.html
In need of reviews!~ topic65433.html
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