Topic ID: 4312
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PsyLynx
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 Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 4:25 am Post subject: Ying Yang, Inverted |
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Ying Yang, Inverted
8-21-05
Heavenscape, inverted
crossing cross-section views,
the people down Houghton’s streets
walking and laughing, singing
repressing, grinning...
emotional turbulence,
hellscape, inverted
in green, in blue, around the flagpole,
the corners of you.
Your power weeps,
Your power begs, sexual baggage,
courses out of your incomprehensible
jangles in midnight, in speakers,
out of an electric guitar,
explosive moments,
explosive aliveness,
Dancing with the roller coaster.
Ooo, breathe deep, like I will
for you, ooo.
And how’s it feel, when the
people love every world
but yours?
Telescopic imagery is hidden,
microscopic fissures tearing
your life’s work (your mind)
apart, day by day...
Duality, laugh at it with me,
in the quiet nights of Armageddon,
as we sip fermented time.
And we’ll dance, and
we’ll dance into dust,
lifescape inverted
and against infinity
our life-love-hate giggle-screams
will fall short of even making a sound. |
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Elizabeth
1 Piece To The Original YWS Couple
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| Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 5:22 am Post subject: |
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This was very rythmatic i nmy opinion because I read very strangely. This was very imaginative as well. It made me think of somebodys view of heaven, which I'm sure isn't what you wanted me to think but it's what I thought so live with it.'
Heavenscape, inverted
crossing cross-section views,
the people down Houghton’s streets
walking and laughing, singing
repressing, grinning...
That's my favourite stanza and the reason I thought of heaven. Nice job. |
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Ieatworms
Senior Writer
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300 Points
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| Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 3:33 am Post subject: |
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If this was set to music, I'd surely rock out to it.
I have to admit, though, that I almost did not read it because of the title. A Yin Yang inverted is still a Yin Yang. If that irony was intentional, then it's perfect. If not, you might want to reconsider it. |
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PsyLynx
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Joined: 30 Jan 2005
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| Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:29 am Post subject: |
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| I do believe that it was intentional, but thanks for questioning that something that's cool came out of my mind....lol. Most of the best things I've written have happened on accident, though, so I definitely shouldn't complain. |
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Chevy
science, again.
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323 Points
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| Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 2:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Oh Brett, that was beautiful. Why didn't I read this sooner? I loved the guitar reference of course. The ending was unexpected, yet powerful and perfect--for--an ending that is. I loved the beginning of the thrid stanza with the "Ooo" even though I don't know if I was pronouncing it correctly. Only good writers can't incooperate those kind of things into their poetry. People like me would get laughed at. Anyway, great poem. Perhaps the best thing I've ever read by you--you're getting better. If we still had the Star thingy I would have to give this one 5. |
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electricbluemonkey
Midnight Toker
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Ha, that was good. It would work out so good as a song, way better than as just a poem. You know why I liked it? Because it was just different than anything I've ever read. I seriously can't explain it, but that was good. |
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Doubt
Writer
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Country: Victoria, Australia
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| Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2005 6:11 am Post subject: |
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| That was a great poem. It was powerful and the imagery was nice too. |
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