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Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

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Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby sugarxsnow on Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:31 am

[A/N: Here! Finally! -huffs- Whew. Sorry it took some time for me to post... and formatting took forever! Please correct my errors, I know there are a lot. Anyone who reviews will earn cookies from moi!] 

 

Alice Who Lives Under the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3  

 

Alice meets Deception 

 

She sat there, at the table, after what seemed to be an eternity of decision and conflict. She gingerly held the dainty teacup to her lips as the boy she had just met devoured the leftovers delivered at her door - their door - while she nibbled at the confections he so generously offered to her... in exchange for the sordid food that was supposed to be her dinner.  

Not that she had much to complain about, though – she couldn't really stomach the food and she had been fasting for three days straight – but it did unnerve her that he was eating it so heartily, with an arm around his plate, as if someone might yank it away from him. He ate as if the food had no taste and it was merely a way to fill up, which, in reality, is the case.  

She watched him eat despite herself, crumbs all over his smooth cheeks.  

Her mind wandered to the past events which lead to this little episode. 

 

The shadow loomed closer to the sleeping child.  

It grinned. 

She ran. 

When she had reached the table, the shadow had dispersed; the knife nowhere to be seen. Its grin was imprinted on her mind. It suspended itself inside there for a long time. The shadow grinned – it grinned, despite its facelessness, it grinned! 

Her face contorted in fear as she looked around, afraid that the shadow might have not actually gone, but was instead waiting; waiting for her to turn and look, waiting to stab her to death. She feared death. But what have I got to live for? She wondered. Have I even got my own life? 

The boy slept still, drowning in his own sweet, dark trance. 

She reached out to touch him, a nagging desire overwhelming her senses, curiosity getting the better of her. 

His eyes fluttered open, subtle breath hitching inside his lungs for a moment. He exhaled, eyes half-mast, directed at the girl. He shifted frantically on his seat, almost falling off from the force he had stirred with, face reflecting the self-same fear she felt. No words escaped his parted lips.  

He stared at the girl, bewildered. 

It was as if she forgot how to speak, although she, in truth, was quite articulate. But no words came out of her, either. And they stared at each other for a long time, just like that, without saying a thing. Suddenly, the boy laughed, exasperated. He laughed an unbridled laughter, the music of his relief. 

“So you’ve come.” 

“Pardon me?” she blinked at him, astonished that he could speak

“So you’ve come,” he repeated, a bit slower this time, the smile still on his lips. He wondered whether the girl was intellectually competitive or not. “The chains are broken,” 

“Yes,” came the confused reply. “What of them?" 

But he did not answer her question. He just smiled.  

He motioned her to sit down. 

“Who are you?” she asked. The boy chuckled at her. 

“Who are you?” he asked her back, and she couldn’t answer that. She herself didn’t know. Or did she? 

Who was she? 

“No one really has an answer to those kinds of questions, you know?” And he laughed once again. 

Her face coloured deeply at the sound of his voice; still high-pitched due to his extreme youth, but nevertheless mellow and cool, as if granting a hint of the wisdom he had that was way beyond his years. But she wasn’t going to make herself look foolish, not at all. And so she spoke. 

“I do believe that what you are saying is different from what I have asked you,” she stated calmly. She meant for it to be polite, but it came out somewhat rude. The latter only grinned in response. 

“Humour me, mademoiselle.” he mocked. 

She felt her face grow warm. Obviously, he’d seen through her little trick. “I-I asked you for your name,” 

He smirked in victory. “I do believe that you’re contradicting yourself, miss; who was stating something different from what they were asked?” 

Her brows furrowed. Her little mouth was pulled down by a frown. On the other hand, he seemed to enjoy her humiliation. “Shame, shame,” he placed a hand over his mouth, covering his little smile. She didn’t speak.  

His smile stretched further into a grin. 

The soft chiming of a bell tinkled through their ears. 

The girl rose up. “It’s time for dinner,” she said coldly, looking down on the marble floors as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, “I may be becoming a bother to you, sir. Now, if you would excuse me–” 

“Wait!” he rose from his chair, grabbing her tightly about the wrist, “Please,” he uttered in subtle panic, eyes soft and pleading. “Please stay,” 

She stood at her place, astounded once again, the boy still clutching at her. 

She turned her back at him nevertheless. 

“Gil!” he yelped. “My name is Gil. Gilbert Nightray,”  

The silence that passed them was thick. 

The grip on her wrist loosened a little. He bowed his head in repentance, light hair covering his teal orbs. 

“That’s a very nice name, Gil. I do wish I had one to present to you, too.” 

He lifted his face up. He was hopeful. But his bright expression faltered into one of confusion. 

“You haven’t a name, then?”  

“Truth be told, I am quite envious of you,” 

“But... how could that be?” 

“It is as it is.” 

He grimaced. She smiled apologetically. 

An idea popped into his head. 

“I shall name you!” he declared, once again very lively, “And then you shall have your own name, and I’d have something to call you upon with,”  

“Name me? I do have a name. I just do not know what it is,” his brows furrowed. “For now,” 

He sighed. “But I... by... what... shall I call you?” 

She shrugged, a small smile still playing on her pink lips, “I do not know,” 

“I shall call you Alice, then.” 

A pained expression crossed the girl’s face for a moment. It went unnoticed, though.  

“Alice? Why?” 

I don’t know, either. It just suits you,” and he smiled. She smiled. They both smiled. 

The sound of heavy footsteps echoed through the room. 

“Bravo, bravo! You sure are getting along well,” The snide tone that came with this sarcastic remark was painfully familiar. 

“A-alicchino!" The girl stuttered, the fear rising into her belly once again. The boy remained calm, much to her surprise. 

“Yes, dearest,” he strode towards the two children. “Isn’t it nice to see me?” his smouldering amethyst orbs locked onto hers, the white strands of his hair gleaming under the afternoon sun. His face was extremely young, on contrary to the shade of his tresses. His full lips had on them the sneer which she had so loathed, the sneer which corrupts him further than he already is; the sneer which makes her remember what fear truly is. His hands were in the pockets of his pure white ensemble, the silver of the shoulder guards and chains connecting it to the stigma of a funeral wreath on his chest glimmering majestically.  

His upturned eyes went from her to the boy. “What have we here?” He studied his face well as he rubbed his chin. “Tell me, ‘Alice’...do you like this new acquaintance of yours?” 

“N-no,” she edged away, shoulders shaking intensely. The boy’s eyes widened.  

“Oh... rejection feels pretty awful, no?” The way his voice actually crooned wanted him to make this man have a taste of what awful really feels like. He clenched his fists and held them firmly against his sides, glaring at the stranger. The man just grinned, like he did before, and put an arm lazily around his neck, pulling him closer.“You coward,”he whispered in his small ear, “To put up such a brave front like that. You deceitful little dastard,” The boy glared daggers at him. “I do hope you’d be careful,” he called out at her, “He’s not as perfect as he looks,” 

“If he isn’t perfect, then does that mean that you’re imperfect as well?”  

The man’s face contorted darkly.  

The girl gasped and clamped a hand over her mouth, taken aback by her own words. 

She defied him; her master. 

She felt afraid of what might come next. 

The man laughed a hearty laugh, unnerving her out of her musings. “Of course not,” and he faded from sight, just as the shadow did a few moments back, “but do remember, such rebellious behaviour will not be overlooked nor taken lightly,”  

Before he disappeared entirely, he shoved the boy towards her. They fell into a heap of entwined limbs and clothing, flustered and flabbergasted by this sudden closeness.  

“Ciao.” 

Warm tears slid down her crestfallen face. 

The boy held her close to his chest, not really sure of what to do. “T-there, there,” he patted her back quite awkwardly, “It’s alright. He’s gone. No one’s going to hurt you now,”  

She hiccupped lightly, still sniffling. The boy smiled at her warmly. 

“Let’s go get something to eat–” 

“DINNER IS SERRRVED! – Eh!” an elegantly dressed, handsome black rabbit came bouncing into the miniature doorway. He held a platter in one paw, and a small, green box in the other. He held out the platter to the girl. “For the mademoiselle, eh,”  

He bounced towards the boy. “For the young monsieur, eh,” and the rabbit bounced away without a word. “ENJOY YOUR MEAL! – Eh!” he shouted proudly when he reached the door. He closed it with a loudthud and click, meaning it was locked.  

And so they sat in the table to eat. 

 

And eat they did. 

He asked her frantically if they could exchange meals, despite the obvious special treatment the boy was receiving from the master. He insisted to have mouldy bread and stale wine instead of the sweet confections he was presented with, mysteriously. The girl, of course, curious about his behaviour, asked him why. 

“It was poisoned,” he stated nonchalantly, “I didn’t want to die just yet.” 

The girl’s eyes widened. 

 

The box of sweets slowly fell onto the ground.

"A fish bit my hand this morning, and everything became trippy. Now with this coke and this cherry, I can beautifully rule the world!"

-Dino, @ Dino and Cake's Adventures in La-La Land (Coming Soon)

PS: "Alice in Wonderland" obsessed? You bet.
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby Ranger Hawk on Sat Feb 06, 2010 6:32 pm

Hey there! I'm here for chapter three.

First off, I love your ending. You were starting to lose me a bit with the dialogue, because I found it very confusing, but then you really pulled me back in with the little twist about it being poisoned. There were a couple other things I noticed, grammar-wise.

You seem to use commas instead of periods at the end of someone's dialogue; for example, “The chains are broken,” ; “My name is Gil. Gilbert Nightray,” ; “Truth be told, I am quite envious of you,” are all instances of you using commas at the end of the character's dialogue instead of periods.

She [color=FF0000]hiccupped[/color] lightly, still sniffling.


"Hiccuped."

Okay, well I think that's it. Looking forward to more!
You're the bird,
I'm the worm,
And it's plain to see
That we were meant to be
~Owl City
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby sugarxsnow on Sun Feb 07, 2010 11:45 am

@Ranger Hawk - Thank you for being supportive of this story up till now! I'm starting to get a grip of it myself; right now, I'm considering a few options about where the plot should turn next. I think I know where now. :) I'm really glad you liked it! I'm sorry if the dialogues sounded confusing... I'll try to clear things up at a later time. ;) I'll fix up the tenses right away, too.


Is it just me, or do the reviewers decrease as my story progresses? Is it that craptastic? If so, please tell me, I'll stop posting these right away. :|
"A fish bit my hand this morning, and everything became trippy. Now with this coke and this cherry, I can beautifully rule the world!"

-Dino, @ Dino and Cake's Adventures in La-La Land (Coming Soon)

PS: "Alice in Wonderland" obsessed? You bet.
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby Drago101 on Sun Feb 07, 2010 1:37 pm

I really like the description in this story. Your characters are magnificently crafted into your story. I can't really see where the plot is going, but it is early in the story. The way Alice bends to the will of her master was a good way to show she had lived in fear for a long time.

I loved the end, and can't wait to see the next part.

This story is amazing. I'm just terrible at reviews. So, I didn't review the first two. Don't stop. It is really good.
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby Ranger Hawk on Mon Feb 08, 2010 12:25 am

sugarxsnow wrote:Is it just me, or do the reviewers decrease as my story progresses? Is it that craptastic? If so, please tell me, I'll stop posting these right away. :|


Your stories are definitely not "craptastic" (love the word, by the way!). ;) I find the same thing happens with my stories that I post; I get the most reviews on the first part, and then the reviews decrease. I think most people start out reviewing the first chapter, because they don't have to go back and find any former posts.
You're the bird,
I'm the worm,
And it's plain to see
That we were meant to be
~Owl City
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby TreeHugger12 on Mon Feb 08, 2010 10:56 am

No, no, no!!! Don't stop! these stories are great! I love them... They are quite good.... I want to know what happened and what is going to happen to Alice! It is so not craptastic!!
So now I have to go through the rest of my life without a gall bladder...

Wow, how fun. I can just smell those chocolates cupcakes chock full of shortening calling out to me...
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby skutter11 on Mon Feb 08, 2010 5:01 pm

I am liking the description in this story. I hope that the next chapter will have as much in it because I think that you have the right amount in it.
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby sugarxsnow on Mon Feb 08, 2010 9:59 pm

Gee, thanks, guys! :D

I'll be posting a new chapter soon... hopefully about tomorrow or the day after, when our midterm exams are finished (oh dear GAWD help me with slopes and secants and stoichiometry! :smt022) .

So there. I'm really glad to know it's liked by some out there. Smilesmile. :D

About the chapters getting longer and longer... well, it's just that in every chapter I write, I get more and more ideas. XD But I'll maintain the word count in 1500 words, more or less... if it goes over that, editing and shortening will do the trick, and voila. 'Tis here, alright. ;)


Thanks again, everyone! I'll keep you posted!

~Kate
"A fish bit my hand this morning, and everything became trippy. Now with this coke and this cherry, I can beautifully rule the world!"

-Dino, @ Dino and Cake's Adventures in La-La Land (Coming Soon)

PS: "Alice in Wonderland" obsessed? You bet.
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby tigs6969 on Tue Feb 09, 2010 10:55 am

i like this chapter alot, will continue reading... very interesting. I originally thought it'd just be a stupid alice in wonderland knock off but it doesnt seem that way yet.
Glad to see you didnt overdo the describing in this chapter as well.
There will be a mad hatter wont there?
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby sugarxsnow on Tue Feb 09, 2010 10:09 pm

No. I'm pretty sure I won't include a turtle and card soldiers and dukes and queens, too... but it all depends on my mood. I can make up pretty wonky characters if I want to, you know, even wonkier than in chapter II. OKAY, I GIVE UP! I'll give you a sneak peak.

Spoiler! :
There WILL be, though, Death the Kid, Kaveeteehs, Ginger, Mushroom Wars and maybe some reference from Hans Christian Andersen and Mark Twain... and many, many, many, more. I have the right to remain silent!!! I won't tell you anything else!!!1!11one :xd:


@tigs6969 - Ouch, 'stupid Alice in Wonderland knock-off'? Glad to know you changed your mind about this... It's a far cry from that, really... :smt005

Love lots, guys.


~Kate
"A fish bit my hand this morning, and everything became trippy. Now with this coke and this cherry, I can beautifully rule the world!"

-Dino, @ Dino and Cake's Adventures in La-La Land (Coming Soon)

PS: "Alice in Wonderland" obsessed? You bet.
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby tigs6969 on Wed Feb 10, 2010 11:13 pm

sugarxsnow wrote:
@tigs6969 - Ouch, 'stupid Alice in Wonderland knock-off'? Glad to know you changed your mind about this... It's a far cry from that, really... :smt005

Well I'm just saying, to someone who doesn't have a plot or knowledge of the plot the title just seems to spring knock off.
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Re: Alice Who Lives Down the Rabbit Hole; Ch. 3

Postby sugarxsnow on Thu Feb 11, 2010 9:55 pm

@tigs6969 - Sure, I guess... I might come up with a better title, but I think I'll stick to this one for now. :)
"A fish bit my hand this morning, and everything became trippy. Now with this coke and this cherry, I can beautifully rule the world!"

-Dino, @ Dino and Cake's Adventures in La-La Land (Coming Soon)

PS: "Alice in Wonderland" obsessed? You bet.
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