Topic ID: 2207
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Rei
E.A. Extraordinaire
Epic Novelist
Gender: 
Age: 23
Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Posts: 3140
Reviews: 685
Country: Canada
300 Points
|
 Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 12:13 am Post subject: Act One Elementary Memories COMPLETED |
 |
|
| . |
_________________
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
Last edited by Rei on Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:40 am; edited 4 times in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Rei
E.A. Extraordinaire
Epic Novelist
Gender:
Age: 23
Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Posts: 3140
Reviews: 685
Country: Canada
300 Points
|
| Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 10:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I hope I don't sound really whiny, but why are so many people looking at this but not replying? I really could use some feedback. |
_________________
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark" |
|
| Back to top |
|
Emma
the wee dafty
Epic Novelist
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 25 Jan 2005
Posts: 2653
Reviews: 677
Country: Scotland
300 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 8:16 am Post subject: |
|
|
I read it and found interesting facts about rainbows! 
And how come the person called Rachel is telling the story from her point of view but it was from another kids? Sorry if its there and I forgot to read it properly  I like it though! Please please do more!  |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
lin night
Senior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 20
Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Posts: 193
Reviews: 90
300 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 10:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
There are a lot of good ideas floating around here. That said, it's rather hard to critique without reading the whole thing. Is this the entire first act? If so, the individual scenes could definitely be explanded. Introduce more side characters perhaps?
At this point, I find the Rachel/Helen deal (which I assume you'll explain) disorienting as a reader. Unless Rachel/Helen is a nutbag, I also don't think she would directly comment on Cody's mysterious appearance in all her activities. There are probably subtler ways of establishing the fact that he is imaginary.
Though I haven't dug that deeply into it, I'm guessing the light bulb talk and games are metaphorical. Super cool in my book. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Writersdomain
Oh, YAY!
Master of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 01 Mar 2005
Posts: 1376
Reviews: 441
Country: Oceanstone
300 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:23 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I don't know much about play-writing, but I really liked this! It was really interesting and it made you think. My only suggestions are that you write more of it 'cause it's really good! |
_________________
~ WD
"For I shall make thy screams a song
And thy sorrows a fortress
Thy tears a shield of glass."
~MatteSPEW can see you! |
|
| Back to top |
|
Sam
axis of evil, BRB
Epic Novelist
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 12 Dec 2004
Posts: 4908
Reviews: 1251
Country: 'mreeka
311 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 2:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
Okay, who is Helen and who is Rachel? I couldn't quite sort it out...
I also couldn't quite see it in my head. It was just...OK...who is Cody? Who is Ms. Parker? I'm not a real expert on plays, but usually they have something about like who they are and what they are wearing. |
_________________
You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long.
- Boris Yeltsin |
|
| Back to top |
|
Rei
E.A. Extraordinaire
Epic Novelist
Gender:
Age: 23
Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Posts: 3140
Reviews: 685
Country: Canada
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:21 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Shameless self promotion |
_________________
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
