Okay, I started this thing a while ago, and i wanted your guys' opinion on if I should contiue! I don't want ANY nitpicks... i know, my grammar is terrible! All I want is an indication if I should continue this, and your general comments and views on it. Honestly, don't spend too much time on this, and BE HONEST! Enjoy!

PREFACE:Hi yea that’s me, riding my dragon, all stare. Oh that’s right, dragons don’t exits rite, there all make believe, and made up? Well that’s not true and read on to discover a time when dragons did exist and I didn’t believe it until it happened!(lets read on shall we)

Chapter one: WHEN IT ALL BEGAN
Clang, swish, “ouch” that’s my brothers practising their fighting skills. they’re sixteen and they got their first swords when they were ten. I’m nine and my birthday’s coming up soon. I can’t wait to get my first sword, I’ve been sneaking out to watch them since I was five. Suddenly a glimpse of gold caught my eye and as slick as a fox I silently jumped down from the tree I was in and walked over and picked it up. It was a solid gold rock and shimmered in the sun light. I decided id watched enough fighting for today and this would make an interesting addition to my collection of strange objects. I followed the path from the clearing to our home, our home was in the middle of the cloudel forest. There were two main clearings in the forest and one was our home the other is the arena. As far as we know we are the only occupants of the cloudel and we like it that way. Cloudel is fresh in the morning, enchanted in the evening and calm at night. I finally reached our home. I snuck past dad and ran up to my room. I placed the stone on the wooden shelf and I lay on my bed.

“Dinners ready” it was dad I stood up and looked over to the spot where the gold stone lay. It was still shinning bright. I went down stairs and found a beautiful dish of chicken I ate it all up quickly and ran out side the still forest smelt fresh and you could see the light shining through the trees. I walked over to the clearing and climbed up the tree I was sitting in the morning and sat down. The peacefulness of the night was just settling in and suddenly a glimpse of gold caught my eye and as slick as a fox I silently jumped down from the tree I was in and walked over and picked it up it was a solid gold rock and shimmered in the sun light. I went back home and went into my room. I first looked at the old gold stone, it had started glowing. The new stone was starting to glow the faintest bit. I pushed then together, a blinding light filled the room. I closed my eyes and pulled them apart. The light went down I opened up my eyes and looked at the stones. One had turned purple and the other had turned bronze, I picked up the bronze one and turned on my bedroom light. The glow of both of them fainted I turned it off and they started to glow again the bronze one started to crack, so did the purple one. Dad called me downstairs “in a minute” “no now son” “be right there” ten seconds passed the stones were still cracking I herd footsteps the door was opened I swung around, hiding the stones “now why do you want to stay up here so much?” “Im ah just en enjoying the view that’s all” dad went and I turned.

Then there was a soft crack and out of the bronze one a beautiful bronze dragon appeared and I slowly reached out my hand he climbed on and I held him up to my face. They weren’t stones they were eggs. He had three golden claws on each paw. It had a long pointed tail and a red fiery face. The same happened with the purple egg and a purple dragon appeared. I dropped the Bronze dragon. It fell then he spread out his wings and glided down. The purple dragon ran off the table, puffed a breath of blue fire and flew out the window into the black of the night. I never really saw him again (or so I thought) I fed the dragon some left over chicken from dinner. I had decided to raise him on my own. Feed him teach him how to fight, fly and breathe fire. Then finally I would ride him and use my sword to kill off enemies.


THANKS FOPR THE INPUT GUYS!

'lo. ^______________^

Well, you said you didn't want nitpicks or grammar, but you really should get it sorted out. You've almost no punctuation, which makes this difficult to read and understand. You should have a line between each bit of dialogue as well.

Only you can tell whether you should continue with this or not, but speaking personally, I wouldn't read on. Sorry.

The title reminds me immediately of Eragon, which isn't exactly a compliment. Leoragon, Eragon... >_< It immediately makes me think of a badly written, clichéd fantasy.

There are several big things which stopped me from enjoying this story. First, the lack of punctuation. You really should take out that note about no nitpicks because, quite frankly, you need nitpicks about grammar and punctuation.

Also detracting from the story is the complete lack of description. I've no idea who the main character is. It's a boy, right? Nine years old? But apart from that, I know nix. Even in the first chapter, we should be given a strong enough impression of the character to take away with us, and I know that sucks because I hate first chapters. But, heck, you didn't even tell us his name! Characters aside (you didn't describe his brothers or his father) you didn't describe the house or the outside or the inside or anything, either. I've got no clue about where the story's set. In an English/American type setting? Japanese? Tropical? Indian? African? You only say “a forest” and leave it at that. Oak forest? Silver birch? Palm? Fruit? What season is it? Have the leaves changed colour? Is there a wind? What type of animals are in the forest?


… You get the picture. But as well as description, give us a clear idea of when as well as where. The character calls his father “dad” which is modern, but he talks about swords as well. And what's a cloudel?

The biggest thing about this chapter is the clichés. Sorry, again, but “Eragon” immediately springs to mind. Boy finds egg/s in the forest near his home. Egg/s hatch into amazing fantastic dragon/s. It's the same. Imho, Eragon is full of clichés and old plot-devices. I know other people don't think so, and it's just my opinion. However, even if you think Eragon is great, you shouldn't be copying what's been done before. A boy randomly stumbling across magical artefacts is tired and overworked, and the entire hatching egg thing is pretty much identical to Eragon.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but it's only to help. As this is only the first chapter, you can still change this without too much angst, and if I were you, I'd completely rework it, writing out the dragon-egg-hatching, the Eragon similarities (including the title) and add in loads more description so we really get a feel for the place where this is set. No matter how clear a picture of it you have in your own head, we only know as much as you tell us.

PM me if you have any questions!

Haha... thanks for the review! I'll work on it!

Your story was kind of hard to read, and even harder to follow (sorry). I think you should slow down a little and take your time. The basic plot seemed OK, but it moved way too fast.
Also when he finds the second egg, you use the exact same sentence as before, you should definitely reword that.
You need to be more descriptive, I like to visualize the characters I'm readying about, but I have no clue who the main character is, or what he and family members look like.
I think the option of continuing is only up to you. If you feel you have somewhere you want to take this story than you should keep writing.
~Zanna