I never was a normal kid.

You don't know how many times I've heard that sort of beggining.

I tried to not let it show, but all my efforts were for not.

I really had to read that line twice, mabey you should word that differently.

But hey. What type of malevolence is there in my modest little Podunk town?

It should be: But hey, what type of malevolence is there in my modest little Podunk town?

Sound like a good life? Well just wait till the fun begins to happen.

There should be a comma between "Well"and "just".

It's a really short opening, I think you should lengthen it just a tad. It's a good story already! I will follow along with you, so keep writing!

Hey!

I liked your introduction. It's short, but good. Maybe you should lengthen it a little bit?

I was never a normal kid.

New beginning, perhaps? This one just gets old after a while.

I tried not to let it show, but my efforts were for not.

Yeah, definitely reword this. If you're talking about a teenager (and I'm assuming you are), teenagers definitely DO NOT talk like that. Well, most of them don't anyways. I'd really suggest rewording it though.

Great job otherwise. Can't wait to see where this goes!

zOe

Allrighty, many fantasy novels are about people who aren't your average humans. Most are about "non" normal teenagers. But do you have to come right out and say it? No. Be creative. Find a more effective way to let the reader know he's not normal instead of just saying "Hey, my main character is not normal for these reasons." and you go and list them off. Not a good start

But I know you can totally flip this up. Make it more exciting. Maybe jump right into your story. Have it be a typical day in the life of this kid with the bully's and geeks and then suddenly have him use his werewolf senses for something. Be original! Don't be afraid to step outside the box of the norm.

Well, my only real advice for you is to lenthen this for sure and to be more creative with the begining. I mean, yes, you can do this approach, but this is way too short to grap a readers attention, you know?

If you have any further questions, PM me.

Otherwise, good luck!

Well, your introduction is kind of typical. It begins to explain that your main character is abnormal and why. It also explains that he is not a popular kid. That's how most are. But that doesn't mean that it has to be a typical story. I agree that it should be longer. Very much so. But there should be more detail. Stepping out of the box doesn't necessarily have to mean that something big has to happen. Re-word some of your sentences:

I tried not to let it show, but my efforts were for not.

Make it longer, and also put details in. Tell your readers why popular kids wouldn't touch his (am I to assume it's a male?) friends with a ten foot pole. What are they like? What bond does the main character share with them that makes them friends?

Overall it has grasped my attention to a point! I will follow along!
~Elle

Sure, there are a few punctuation mistakes, but, overall, it is a very good piece of fiction. I can't wait to read the rest. Good luck with the rest!

As everyone has already stated, it could do with a little spicing up. Maybe have your main character thinking some of this as he's getting bullied, or something of the sort. Try putting some action in there. Just a suggestion.

A few things I noticed:

Gensonwrtr9 wrote:
I tried to not let it show, but all my efforts were for not.

It should be, "all my efforts were for naught." Naught, as in nothing, rather than not, as a negative.

Gensonwrtr9 wrote:My unsuppressed rage; my ability to sense anything behind me or coming at me; and my lightning reflexes.

Since you don't use any commas in any of the items in your list, I think commas would suffice in this situation to separate the items, rather than semicolons.

Gensonwrtr9 wrote:I couldn't suppress these senses. So I didn't.

Try combining these sentences. I think it would sound better.

Gensonwrtr9 wrote:Nothing what so ever.

Whatsoever is generally one word.

Gensonwrtr9 wrote:My adventures never got any better than dodging the junk from Mike’s sandwich (who happened to be the violent heathen god of the football team.)

Introducing Mike here seems a bit out of place, especially the way you explained who he was in such a short space. Try changing this up by making his description longer, or introducing Mike somewhere else.

Gensonwrtr9 wrote:Well just wait till the fun begins to happen.

I liked the idea of using this sentence here. It draws the reader in by making them ask, "What fun?". Now they want to find out what happens, to see the action.

If it's spiced up a bit, and given a bit more "hook" to it, it could be the start of a really good story.


Also, I don't know if you know this yet or not, but I see you haven't reviewed anything yet. Just a heads up, there's a 2:1 ratio rule on reviews to stories that you post. You should review at least 2 things for every one thing that you post.

Heya just me!

I do like it, u were lying!! hehe Good idea and you could do a lot with an opening like that. Only thing I have to say, change the first line, it's slightly cliché. Apart from tht it was fab. I like the out cast idea a lot of people feel that way and wanting to be a superhero. That made me smile. I'll speak 2 u soon xx

I have to say, i agree with all the other guys. The opening has been way over used. Change it up a little. Put all that info into something more eyechatching, like a scene or something. No offense but this is something we've heard before and it doesnt hold a readers attention or memory.
I dont mean your character though. I'm way interested in 'em! So dont get discouraged, just show us what you can do!