Okay, so this is something I started a while ago. It's different for me, because I wanted the writing to be raw. Rough. Purposefully ignorant. I'm hoping to convey the MC as a complex mixture of childish unknowing and a sort of wise adult, if that makes sense. So let me know if I pull it off, and just tear it apart. Enjoy.

Chapter One

I’d been hidden in the house for twelve years when I saw him. No other boy I’d ever seen from my peepholes had ever caught my attention the way he did; I couldn’t explain why it was him that did.
He didn’t know I existed, of course, when he came to live with my father, my stepmother, and my sister. He had no idea what kind of ghosts lived in the walls of my house, no comprehension of the whispered tales that still survived and trembled in the air. He couldn’t hear them the way I could. Then again, neither did anyone else. I was alone in my world of tension and despair.
Father needed someone to work with him on the wood. All the land he’d owned had been taken because of the lack of payment, and so Father decided to cut down our own trees for the lumber he sold each year. I was sad to see my beloved trees go, but there was only so much I could do to act against Father. Only so much fear and wariness I could instill within him.
The boy that I grew to love simply by watching worked hard. He was beautiful as well. I looked down at him from the attic window sometimes, admiring the way his skin was darkened by the sun, the way his muscles were defined and delicate at the same time.
He was frightened, though. I heard him tell Father that as soon as they loaded the last of the boards, he was going to the city. He gave no reason for the eagerness to leave, but I knew. He sensed something. Maybe me. But this house was enough to scare away any normal person, and I didn’t blame him for wanting to escape.
My sister, who was usually gone all the time during the day and after school, suddenly was around. A lot. She stood by the boy when he was working on the machine by the shed, smiling up at him and waving her hands as she talked in a way I recognized. She was showing him her sweet side, her appealing side. The side she showed me whenever she wanted something.
One day I asked her why she talked to him so much. She sat at the piano, fiddling—she hated to practice, but the boy was coming in soon, so she would show him what she could do.
My voice did not startle her as it used to; she’d gotten used to it coming from nowhere. She smiled, looking around.
“Why do I talk to him so much, Katherine? Isn’t it obvious?”
It was, but I didn’t want to admit it. Didn’t want to acknowledge what was staring me right in the face.
“He’s leaving soon,” I whispered from my hiding place.
She only smoothed her hair back. “Maybe. Maybe not. What would you know?”
I knew more than she thought I did. I saw much from all my time in the walls, under the stairs, up in the attic. Father had tried to find me once. My stepmother had ordered him to, saying that my nonsense had gone on long enough. With her standing over him, he’d actually torn up a few of the walls in the house. But one night when he was sleeping, I held a knife to his throat and whispered in his ear.
He fixed the walls the next morning and never said my name out loud again. When my stepmother screeched in his ear, he only brushed off her words like a raindrop sliding off of a leaf. And he left my sister alone, just as I’d instructed him to. Because deep down he was what I thought every person was: a coward. Even me; why else would I pass the years turning my face from the rest of the world? I believe that Father let me do it because he was ashamed of me. I reminded him of what he’d lost and what he’d done. I was a living ghost to him with the ability to make him remember.
Time passed. The boy became used to the creaking house and my sister’s flirtations. I hadn’t known how serious they were until I saw them kissing in his room one night.
I wasn’t angry. I loved my sister too much for that. But I buried myself even deeper into the life I’d created for myself, if possible. Eventually I stopped paying attention to what Father was doing, what Elisa was doing. It didn’t matter anymore.
Or so I thought.
It was on a Tuesday that my sister’s boyfriend talked to me. I don’t know why I was watching him again; it only pained me. But that day Elisa had had some friends over, and seeing all of them laugh and joke he struck something in me I’d tried to shove away.
He was pulling on a clean shirt, getting ready for church, when he cocked his head suddenly and turned.
“Hello?” he called out.
I hadn’t made a sound, so I wasn’t initially alarmed. Many people believed ghosts roamed the halls of my house and got spooked. I continued to watch the young man, wishing I had the courage to speak.
He listened for a moment more, then shrugged and dismissed whatever it had been he was disturbed about. The man turned away and finished buttoning. He went to the dresser and grabbed a tie draped over the chair in front of it, and struggled with it.
He laughed a little. “I don’t suppose you know anything about this, do you?” he said.
My brow furrowed a little. Perhaps working in the sun had affected him, or he was really that scared.
The boy tossed aside the tie with a mutter that I couldn’t catch, and went to the door. His hand was on the knob, and he was just about to pull the door open and leave me alone to silence when he stopped again. He turned and surveyed his room with a perplexed frown.
“I know you’re here,” he said to the air. No, to me. “I hear you sometimes. Above us, or coming into the room when you think it’s too loud to hear you.”
I was alive. With hope, with desperation, with doubt, with hesitance, with confusion. Did he think it was an actually person he was talking to, or just some ghost? There was no way Elisa had told him about me—she never had spoken of me to anyone. My existence embarrassed her. I was her and Father’s appalling secret.
The boy looked around one last time, and sighed. “Listen to me,” he scoffed. “Talking to no one. You need help, Knight.”
And he left. But that moment changed me, made me think. Maybe he wouldn’t find me so disgusting, like I knew Elisa did. Maybe he wouldn’t despise me, like Father. Maybe he wouldn’t find my approach so shocking… Maybe we could be friends. The idea was so startling that my heart may have ceased to beat for a moment.

Hey KJ!

I couldn't resist!

I love the title, by the way!

Sorry, I can't be of much grammatical help but I will tell you that I liked this. It's moving kinda fast for me though, but I think that that was your intention. It works here but I would like to stop and smell the roses, you know?

The beginning was great. It hooked me right in. I especially liked the first sentence.

This wasn't a really good review, but I hope you post more so that I can get a better sense of things.

Keep writing,

~Angel

I thought this was absolutely brilliant. When i first read how you were trying to make the character childish, but still adult like in a way, I was thinking...."What?"

But you totally pulled it off. Once I read the style of you're writing, I instantly knew what you meant. The main character is really interesting, too. I don't remember her name, or if you even mentioned it. But i'm definitely intrigued. Is she dead??

Or is she alive?? I was like..dang!

This is actually really similar to something one of my friends started to write. I was like...whoa. Is this my friend? But it is a different plot. And just to say, I'm liking yours a little better. It has more mystery to it. =]

I can't really think of anything bad to say about the first chapter. I didn't find any grammatical errors, so that's a plus. I'd say, just keep writing!

If you need help, PM me. If you don't, PM me when the next chapter's up!! =]

-girlwithquestions

*_* This story was amazing! The only downside to this is that there's only one chapter Knight is definitely the type of character I'd like to read about, the miserable ones, the ones who think they're alone. I think that's her name, right? The boy says it in the end.

In the beginning you say "Father" too much, making it too formal. You can say "he" every now and then so it's not so stiff when it comes to him, unless you want that.

Also, you refer to the boy that works there as a "man" at one point, and then as a "boy" again. You should probably pick which one you'd like to go with.

Good Luck & Keep Writing! I'm looking forward to more of this.

-Shina

... Nice.
I really liked this story, KJ. When you said that you were trying to make Katherine kind of childish and adult-like at the same time, I was thinking, If she pulls that off, I'll be impressed.
Well. I'm impressed. You have the sentences where there were it showed that she was kind of... numbly accepting, I guess you'd call it... like an adult. For example, when she was talking about how she was an embarrassing and appalling secret to Elisa and Father; people who were more childish would try to find another explanation for the way that those two acted around her. Then you had the sentences where she looked a bit more like a kid; for example, right at the end, when she was thinking that she and Knight could actually be friends. The way that you made it seem like the idea was a bit shocking to her, and how you made it seem like she was a little shy and nervous about the thought, made her seem like a little girl. I really liked the combination of child-ness and adult-ness. It made Katherine seem very unique.
I thoguht that the grammar in your writing was quite perfect overall. There was just this one sentence that confused me:

But that day Elisa had had some friends over, and seeing all of them laugh and joke he struck something in me I’d tried to shove away.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand why the word 'he' is in that sentence. Maybe I'm just reading the sentence too quickly or looking at it from the wrong way, but would you mind just clearing that question up for me?
Also, I think that angels-symphony was right when she said that you used the word 'Father' one or two many times in the first few paragraphs. I didn't think that it made him seem stiff, however; I thought that it made your writing seem a bit too formal. Sorry.
There was this sentence that I found a little off, as well:

My sister, who was usually gone all the time during the day and after school, suddenly was around.

There was nothing grammatically wrong with this sentence, or anything off about the way that you explained it; I'm just used to seeing a sentence like that more like, 'My sister,..., was suddenly around.' I'm kind of used to seeing the 'was' before the adjective... if that's what 'suddenly' is... I'm not really good at separating my verbs and adverbs and adjectives and stuff. It's probably just because your writing style is different that I'm used to- and, actually, better- but I just thought that I ought to mention it. The fact that I'm resorting to little perfectionist things like that really shows how few things that I can find wrong with 'House of Shadows'... once again, I'm impressed.
Oh, yeah. I was able to figure out who the characters were- Elisa is the sister, Katherine is the main character, Knight is the boy- but I think that if someone read through the story too quickly, or wasn't looking closely enough, they would be confused... as those two reviews before mine proved. You just might want to mention their names once or twice more.
I'll be really excited to read more of this. I really enjoy the idea, and I like the raw way that you state stuff. Please shoot me a PM when you post up the next part, and keep writing!

Allrighty, this was interesting. I still can't figure out if Katherine is a ghost or a real girl haunting the home. I'm glad you made it so ellusive because it makes the reader want to keep reading

The only thing that seemed a little off was the speed at which you started this. Everything was basically told in this one chapter except for the secret the sister and father were hiding and what Katherine was. Otherwise, we know Kat and the boy will fall in love. And I feel that ruins the story.

Try a different approach to that and also, slow things down.

Other than that, it was good

I really liked it, and I disagree with the people above me who said it was paced too fast. I think that it was just right, and I liked the way you set everything up in one chapter so that the rest of the story could just flow. I also enjoyed the uniqueness (is that a word?) of the main character. You completely pulled off the little kid innocense with wise adult thing. It was perfect. I really can't find anything that was wrong. This was really good. PM me when you post more!

Oh my...

That was a very good read indeed. It was interesting from the first sentence to the last word. I thought the way you crafted it was amazing. Rich with detail but enough absent to force us to use our minds to fill in the blanks and get us wondering.

I had the feeling that she is a real girl, but perhaps has a horrible past that we get to find out about in the coming chapters? I hope!

All of your characters were very well developed for the short time that we got to be with them and I already care about them and what has happened to them and most importantly, what will happen with them.

I found no flaws. I hope to be reading more of this soon!
Happy Writing!

Dude, I loved this!! It was written soooo well, but there were a few questions I have:

1. Why is she in the walls?
2. What happened between her father and sister.
3. What's the boys name?
4. Why did her name change from Katherine to Knight?

Otherwise, this story was EXCELLANT!! Please keep writing it!!