Topic ID: 2423
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rachel eaw
Junior Writer
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 Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 8:56 pm Post subject: critisizm [ the worst poem EVER] |
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Critisizm
When i write
It makes me happy
But people think
It's really crappy
It's not the best
Says the rest
they don't know how
hard it is for me now
i get bullied
and critisized
and it's not all
from the guys
i can take it lightly
if they say it nicely
i hate to be critisized |
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Duskglimmer
is happy in anywhere but there
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| Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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Wow... sort of hard to make comments on this one after that last line... lol
I liked the idea of this one. But it seemed a little choppy and I think you need to put a little more emotion into it. Try to make the reader feel what you're saying instead of just understand it. |
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niteowl
I'm an ol' king bee, honey,
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| Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 12:03 am Post subject: |
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I think you need to spell criticism/criticized right. That alone would probably make it better. I agree that the idea's good, but there's one part in particular I don't like.
[quote]i get bullied
and critisized
and it's not all
from the guys[quote]
It seems to me that you just threw this stanza in because it rhymes. It doesn't fit too well with the rest of the poem. You should probably change it rather than just delete it, as it seems really weird without something there.
And another little thing: It's cool if you decide not to capitalize, but make up your mind. Either make it all caps or all lowercase, not half and half like you have now.
I like it more than some of your other poems, but it could use a little work. Keep writing! |
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Lollipop
The shizney!
Novelist
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Country: Scotland! 'Mon the Scots!
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| Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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Good Job! Rachel! I think it was a bit choppy for me too but other than that it was a pretty good poem. Keep Writing!!!! 
~Lollipop~ |
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jossymaiye
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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i really liked the idea but think u have to watch ur caitalization
kee it u. |
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Harley
awkward and innocent.
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| Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Ooh Harley like. It's is a wee bitty choppy, but it's cool. I agree with nite on her quote, but there's not really that much wrong with it. :thumb: |
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whisperinghope
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Joined: 13 Apr 2005
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| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know whether I like reading the poems or the comments more. I learn from both.
I find that poetry criticism/comments come in two types:
1--those that cover mechanics, style, structure, etc.
2--those that cover content
I think this poem was posted more for comments on content. It's hard to put effort into a poem and then have people appear to tear it apart. You have to remember that people are not criticizing YOU, nor trying to tear your poems apart. They are trying to help you improve you writing. So that you will be able to make your point better, get your message across clearer, be more effective in getting a desired response from your reader. It's like having to go through growing pains as you grow, not always easy but usually necessary. We are only trying to help, REALLY. |
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Harley
awkward and innocent.
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Country: scotland.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:14 am Post subject: |
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| that's really well put; although it's hard, try not to take it personaly. |
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