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This thread was created on July 11, 2005
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the tree of life
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Firestarter
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 Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 7:17 pm Post subject: the tree of life |
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your golden green leaves decorate the feral branches, reaching over bypassers
reaching into their hearts
wild strands of bark, fluttering in the italian wind, mesmerising and free
the simple flower looks up to you
bearing joyful fruits, depositing them indiscriminately to those you meet
they all smile as they wander through
grim, defiant strokes of the industrial heyday
broken temporarily by a dirty white midriff
he knows he can never look as good as you
and he lets everyone walk all over him
paved by footprints and engraved with the fallen
gritty reminders of non-existent maintenance
the boulevard is a heaven for the tall and the small
fields of gold for those who dream of something better
you'll always know that opposites attract. |
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Chevy
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| Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 1:06 am Post subject: |
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Um well...you always do a good job with imagery and you use your words in a way that I haven't seen anyone else do. However, I just can't seem to feel anything. I feel like I'm looking into glass box with a rose in it. I'm looking at it...admiring it because it's so beautiful but I just can't touch it...I can't feel it.
grim, defiant strokes of the industrial heyday
I know this might sound stupid but what is a heyday? I do love this line though I don't even know what a heyday is and I'm too lazy to look it up in Webster's. |
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Meshugenah
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| Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:42 am Post subject: |
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This felt detached and rather melencholy. It also felt overly metaphorical, but I think that's just me. Also, I could feel this, but I didn't live it.
bearing joyful fruits, depositing them indiscriminately to those you meet
This line stands out for me.. can't say why, really. I too was wondering about "heyday", but it seems to me I do know it, I just can't remember at the moment. Hmm.. second stanza, third through sixth lines didn't quite feel right to me. |
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Firestarter
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| Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:42 pm Post subject: |
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Heyday n.
The period of greatest popularity, success, or power; prime.
It is rather emotionally detached. I'll work on it. |
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and if you promise to stay conscious
i will try and do the same
yeah, we might die from medication
but we sure killed all the pain |
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| This thread was created on July 11, 2005 |
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