it's not big, it's not clever, but it is me.



I don't know if you've ever conversed with a brick wall or fought with a pillow, 

but believe me, it's enlightening.



I've never bought sunglasses, 

because I've never stood in the light.



I've never got lost in the wondrous and comforting fog of sky-high clouds,

because I've never flown.



don't look for me

in the illumination of city lights and cigarette lighters

don't search for me

amongst smirnoff bottles and the echos of sincere laughter



don't push me

i'm already engraved on the seabed

don't pull me

my elbows are bleeding from the strain



all the pointless witticisms

and the needless sarcasm

have only propped up this eight month charade



if i step outside my doorway, i stumble

i fall, i crash, i burn, i break. i collapse

in muddy puddles where the sky has cried

and the alcohol has spilt all the way down

past the toes, and pouring all over my confidence

the pavement is screaming from the dying dreams



so i hide behind familiar duvets and dry humour

and terrible music and the shade of my red curtains

and stare blindly at the deafening silence of a vdu

i can't even remember what girls smell like

happiness is a distant memory kept alive through 

reminiscing-reverie-ripping my heart out



the sun and the cigarrettes and the tears

are stinging my eyes

but i've run out of emotion