Topic ID: 1146
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Harley
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 Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 5:34 pm Post subject: A Song with no name... (suggestions welcome) |
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I haven't finished it yet but I posted it on AOL and got loads of criticism from people who thought it was a poem and someone said i was living in the 1920's...  You guys will take it seriously though, so tell me wotcha think! It's meant to be sung by a male voice, just to let y'all know.
I'm walking along this barren road,
With my heart on my sleeve and a frog in my throat.
My hair is wet and so are my jeans,
'Coz I stepped in a puddle right up to my knees...
The road ahead,
looks rough and trying.
I stare at my feet.
Cars zoom by.
Within them people,
Who I'll never meet.
(Chorus)
I'm walking along
This barren highway.
Home is just
A couple of miles away.
My legs are tired
From all the walking.
My friends are with me
But I don't feel like talking.
Now they've gone.
I'm on my own.
I'm walking home,
All alone. |
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Last edited by Harley on Tue May 24, 2005 7:04 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Emma
the wee dafty
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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Nice song, and they thought that you were from 1920, okay...
There are a couple of typos. Like:
mle - male
and is that trying - tiring?
And also I think it is a little short, I would love it to be longer.
Apart from that, nice job. Just make it as long as your stories! |
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Harley
awkward and innocent.
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Country: scotland.
300 Points
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 5:47 pm Post subject: |
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| trying means hard it was meant to be that way. Thanx 4 da critz-keep em coming!!!!!!! |
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Last edited by Harley on Sun Feb 06, 2005 12:00 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Tara
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| Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2005 6:46 am Post subject: |
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| It's great! I'd love to hear it with sound... |
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Sgt.Pepper
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| Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2005 4:45 pm Post subject: |
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| I can't belive this was 1920's doesnt even sound like it??? Anyway really cool song. |
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Harley
awkward and innocent.
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| Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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| thanks. this was one of the first songs i wrote- the only one i liked at first. ive written a few, but the music is a bit sticky... i', getting better at developing music- i just wish you guys could hear these! (not sung by me- my voice sucks!) |
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Ceylon
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| Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2005 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Hello~ I just want to know if this is a 4/4 or 3/4 song. |
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juste essayer
La fin d'ordinaire, et vous ne verriez pas ce que vient.
Comment bon il s'avérera être.. |
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Harley
awkward and innocent.
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| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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| 4/4, I'm thinking, but I need to revise the tune.. and the lyrics... this needs work |
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bulletproof
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| Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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| I enjoyed it I can't wait to hear the rest! |
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niteowl
I'm an ol' king bee, honey,
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| Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 3:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah I like it so far. I can definitely tell it's unfinished, but what you do have is good. Keep it up! |
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