Topic ID: 32876
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Snoink
Snuggly
Writer of Legend
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981 Points
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 Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 2:50 am Post subject: Test |
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PERSON 1
I am awesome!
PERSON 2
No you aren't!
PERSON 3
I kill you both! Bang bang bang!
PERSON 1 AND PERSON 2
Ohnoes, we are dead!
~The End~ |
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"So, Obama calls McCain erratic. Well, I call Obama a squirrel." -- Rush Limbaugh
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chocoholic
Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt
Master of the Forum
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318 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 3:28 am Post subject: |
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That was amazing. I am dumbfounded. My head is spinning from how brilliant that was. This piece is a real tribute to the awesomeness that is Snoink. You have a real future in plays, if this is anything to go by.
The characterization was amazing. I felt like I knew these people. And the dialogue was so life-like.
I can't tell you exactly how awesome I think this is, you're brilliant!
All hail Snoink and her awesome plays! |
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*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry* |
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Prokaryote
Novelist
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227 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 3:46 am Post subject: |
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Probably the worst test I've ever seen.
Pork |
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Horus -- pretty cool. |
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Ailam Remard
Writer
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Country: Fa Fa Away...
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:57 am Post subject: |
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Brilliant! Wow! I can't even believe what my eyes rae seeing! Best thing since Shakespeare! I totally agree with Chocoholic!
You have to write a part two!
-Ailam |
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Insomnia
The meaning of life is stuck to your shoe!
Novelist
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Country: New Zealand
362 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 9:07 am Post subject: |
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PERSON 1
I am awesome! |
Now, this is a very abrupt beginning. I suggest that you extend this to a rant of about sixty lines. It would also help the characterisation.
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PERSON 2
No you aren't! |
I thought that this part was a bit confusing. You introduce a conflict: is the character awesome, or aren't they? This conflict could be resolved by several hundred lines of "Yes I am!" "No you aren't!"
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PERSON 3
I kill you both! Bang bang bang! |
I find that this character is the most developed. They are such a fully evolved human being that explosions emit from them. Incredible. I want to know more of their background.
PERSON 1 AND PERSON 2
Ohnoes, we are dead!
A tragic ending. I almost cried.
Overall, a masterpiece. When's the sequel?
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Last edited by Insomnia on Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:33 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Cobra
Earth's husk burns beneath my feet
Novelist
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Reviews: 25
Country: Land of the Dead
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:53 pm Post subject: |
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| oookaaay. This play is nuts. It doesn't make any sense at all. But well done for trying. |
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The corpses are piled high around. Blood carpets the floor and flames scorch away the last remnants of humanity. The screams of the damned echo in my head. I smile. I am home. |
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Cobra
Earth's husk burns beneath my feet
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Posts: 418
Reviews: 25
Country: Land of the Dead
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:54 pm Post subject: |
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| This is a crazy play. Why would people kill each other for no reason? Still, not to hard to act out and it's short. |
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The corpses are piled high around. Blood carpets the floor and flames scorch away the last remnants of humanity. The screams of the damned echo in my head. I smile. I am home. |
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SimonCowellLuver
Novelist
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Country: It is somewhere i can relax and enjoy my life.
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't get it. Why did he kill them both? What is the point of the play here? I don't really call this a play. There are no scene, characters or plot that takes place. What is the point of this? |
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Ailam Remard
Writer
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Joined: 09 Apr 2008
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Reviews: 33
Country: Fa Fa Away...
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 8:46 pm Post subject: |
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Listen, you all. This... is... GENIOUS! Anyone who doesn't get it may want to go and see a counselor.
Peace!
-Ailam |
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Buh-Bye! |
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xSection8
Novice
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Age: 17
Joined: 12 Jul 2008
Posts: 7
Reviews: 2
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 1:14 am Post subject: |
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Alleluia!
Now that's what I call a masterpiece...and whoever thinks otherwise just doesn't know the difference between true talent and everything else!
Bravo my friend...but there is one little bittie thing I'm going to ask of you...
Where's the sequal?!?!! |
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Clo
electronica dance queen
Master of the Forum
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Country: I live in art
481 Points
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| Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 3:14 am Post subject: |
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I love how this has gotten more reviews than anything I've ever posted. Or others. ^_^
Maybe that's what it's testing...? |
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"And Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human.
So she was turned to a pillar of salt. So it goes."
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Gadi.
O FOR VICTORY!
Speaker of the Forum
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| Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2008 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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| OHMYGOODNESS This is just like a movie I saw last year! It won Best Picture. It's called The Departed. This is just condensed. |
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spike71294
Junior Writer
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Age: 14
Joined: 15 Jun 2008
Posts: 34
Reviews: 3
300 Points
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| Posted: Thu Sep 04, 2008 11:56 am Post subject: |
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well
It had a lot of wit and watever
it was great
though there was no sense of this play
it was good for timepass. |
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Griffinkeeper
Storybook Godfather
Epic Novelist
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300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 5:08 am Post subject: |
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If only my family life were as simple as this play.
*Stars* |
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On November 12th, I started showing up and having good ideas again.
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DaughterofZion
New Member
Age: 17
Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Posts: 3
Reviews: 1
300 Points
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| Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 5:39 pm Post subject: Violence Problem? |
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| I'm afraid you have a violence problem. Violence is not the answer! I like you pig picture though. you seem to have a great imagination, I would like to see a story that you really TRIED to write! |
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