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This thread was created on May 18, 2005
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End of Eternal Sadness, Rebirth of Hope
Topic ID: 2935
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ohhewwo
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 Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 5:17 am Post subject: End of Eternal Sadness, Rebirth of Hope |
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Read DQ's "End of all Hope, Beginning of Eternal Sadness," before this, if you haven't already.
I kind of just wrote this, but, whatever.
He awakens
And his grief is forgotten
He speaks, and his voice echoes
Echoes throughout the void to call
Call upon a comrad
A comrad with which he will arise
Arise from his puddle of frozen tears
A faint voice answers.
A familiar voice, of comaraderie and alliance
It grows stronger and stronger still
Until it echoes alongside his.
They create a harmonious tune
Of celebration
They will always be there
Sturdy and steadfast upon there pedestals
Envied,
Praised, forever |
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emotion_less
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| Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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Wow. The two poems are like laced together... yeah... I liked the way you wrote this, especially the first half of it. I think you used root "comrad" too much. Maybe for this line:
"A familiar voice, of comaraderie and alliance "
you can have something else. Otherwise, it was a really good read. |
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Liz
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| Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 6:08 am Post subject: |
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Pretty good. I have a problem with some lines, however, where you repeat half of the line above, e.g.
He speaks, and his voice echoes
Echoes throughout the void to call
Call upon a comrad
A comrad with which he will arise
And so on. It makes it a bit unnecessarily choppy and repetitive. Overall, it was good though, especially the concept. |
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little x soldier
Xia
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| Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 7:48 am Post subject: |
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but, Liz there is a kind a poem written in this kind of way... I don't know the name...I saw it once and tried to memorized but I don't know more..Just know the method
The title is great. Those things are happening and I have no clue what it's about... It just means positively to me.. I guess that it is? Words.. |
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| This thread was created on May 18, 2005 |
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