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by Kraemer in Other Fiction
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This thread was created on June 28, 2008
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True Clans

True Clans

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Moony   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 2:24 am    Post subject: True Clans Reply with quote

PROLGOGUE

A beautiful silver she-cat walked through the seemingly unmoving forest, three other cats coming from behind her. There pelts glowing and shimmering with silver. "Moonstar, it is time", called a fluffy ginger she-cat, her bright blue eyes filled with thought. "I know Brightstar", said the silver she-cat, "Now when this happens, none of us will remember anything. It will be as if we were never in StarClan, we will remember nothing from the 'Great Journey', or 'The Dry Season Journey'. What we hear will only be of a kit's tale to us. I will be Lunar in TreeClan, Brightstar, you will be Yew in StreamClan, Amberstar, you will be Thistle in HiddenClan, and Spottedstar you will be Storm in RushingClan." Moonstar looked over her friends, almost sadness in her amber moon eyes, "When the time comes, we will see each other agian, our lives will be totally different. We might challenge the warrior code at times, but we must lead our clans out of what is to come. Now the moon is full it is time, good bye my friends", sorrow came to Moonstar's eyes as she looked at Spottedstar, his amber eyes looking back at her, there was something there unsaid in that moment, as the four cats disapeard into nothing.

That night four queens in each clan gave birth to a single kit, Leaffall in TreeClan gave birth to Lunarkit, Juniperflower in HiddenClan gave birth to Thistlekit, Crestedmoon of StreamClan gave birth to Yewkit, and Dazzleleaf of RushingClan gave birth to Stormkit. The kits were very odd, there talents showing more and more each day, 6 moons passed and the kits became apprentices. The leaders seeing what the kits could do became more and more curious of what StarClan had planned for them in the moons to come.

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(*I was going to put ch 1 and 2 with this also, but my computer messed up and I lost them. I already had this saved and I will put the other ch's later.*)


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Sakah   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 3:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This prolouge is intuiging, and I think it has potential to become a great story, but it's a little confusing. What history does Moonstar share with the other cats? How do they feel about being re-born and moving into a completely new world? Why are they leaving StarClan? What kind of powers seperate them from the rest of their clanmates later on? I think a brief description of their lives as kits would help develop the characters.

I hope you write more of this because it really is an interesting plotline so far!

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Firestalker   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 6:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow the prologue is interesting. I guess its about cats. And is reminds me of a book i read similar to this, when i mean similar i don't mean you copied it i mean in that book too there were cats like these. Anyway, like i said its interesting but a little puzzling too. At least a brief description of the surroundings would do nicely. Other than giving the reader a little history lesson would do too. I've noticed that the prologue is a bit too short. lengthen it a bit, not too much but a bit and put in some detail and a little more explanation to the story.

PM me when you continue the story as you must continue the story as its a great story. Wink

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